Nerd jokes (part 8)

If you're someone who can appreciate nerd humor, then good news! That's because it's time to put on your thinking cap, adjust your glasses* and prepare for another collection of nerd jokes.

* Apologies for the sterotypical nerd reference. Non-glasses wearing nerds are also welcome to read this week's jokes.

Alternatively, if you're not someone who appreciates nerd jokes, then I suggest you look elsewhere! Although if you do want to read the following jokes anyway, then you're welcome to hang around.

1) To start things off, here's a nerd meme for fans of precious metals.

Credit: imgur

Editor's note: "Technically, Charles, copper isn't a precious metal."
Charles: "Fine! Here's a nerd meme for fans of precious metals and copper."
Editor: "Thank you. That's better."

10 password memes and jokes (part 2)

Regular readers of the Charles Fudgemuffin blog may remember that this week sees the celebration of World Password Day.

Snow White and the Five Dwarves,
due to the fact that AI image generators can't count.

It seems weird to dedicate a day to celebrating passwords, but who am I to blow against the wind, so this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog once again rounds up another collection of password themed jokes and memes...

1) My computer told me my password needed to be eight characters long.

So I went with 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs'.




2) Set your wifi password to "Itsonthefridge".

Then when people ask what it is, and you tell them, they'll go to the fridge, look all over for it and wonder where it is.

Happy new year! (2025 edition)

I know I'm a few days late, but I'd like to wish an extremely happy new year to all readers of the Charles Fudgemuffin blog!

Or if you're not a regular reader, and you just somehow ended up here randomly by mistake, then I also wish you a moderately happy new year, I suppose.

Exercise.
A popular new year's resolution.

Anyway, to start the year off on a new year theme, here's a round up of tips, facts and jokes loosely related to the new year.

1) This year my new year's resolution is to finally go to the gym...

...and cancel that membership I wasted my money on last year.




2) Top tip for dad joke lovers:

Order a takeaway at 11:59pm on New Year's Eve, and when it arrives say, "Do I get a discount on this, because I've been waiting since last year!"

Christmas memes and jokes

It's less than a week until Christmas, so can you guess what this week's blog post theme is about?

Yes, that's right! Christmas! Great guess!*

* If you guessed wrong, then please ignore the above congratulatory message.

Anyway, here are a few memes and jokes on the theme of Christmas.

1) Imagine if you lived at number 5 in this street. Imagine how awkward it would be trying to book a taxi near Christmas time.

5 Gold Rings.
A great address for fans of Christmas, but not so great for anyone trying to book a taxi.

Taxi driver: "Where to?"
Passenger: "Five Gold Rings, please."
Taxi driver: "No, seriously. Where do you want to go?"
Passenger: "Five Gold Rings."
Taxi driver: "Right! That's it! If you're not going to be serious, then get out!"

Jokes that work better when spoken aloud (part 2)

You would think that jokes that work better when spoken aloud would be a poor choice of subject for a blog post, given that this blog is published in written form. However, the last time I featured a blog post on jokes that work better when spoken out loud, it got a surprisingly high number of page views.

My cold field. (Mike Oldfield)

Legal disclaimer: This isn't really my field.
It's just a random photo that I found on Pixabay.

I'm a firm believer in paying attention to your audience, so with that in mind, this week's written blog post features the poorly chosen subject of jokes that work better when spoken aloud.

To compensate for my poor choice of medium, you may wish to read the following jokes out loud in order to enhance your joke reading pleasure. However, if you do, make sure you're not on public transport at the time, otherwise people might think you're a bit mad!

1) I thought I heard Tubular Bells on my farm last winter, but it was just my cold field.




2) I asked a Cambodian what language he spoke.

"Khmer," he answered.

"No, you come here," I replied.

10 music jokes (part 5)

National Music Day falls on June 21st and it's become something of a tradition on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog to mark the occasion with a collection of musically themed jokes.

I'm not sure who this belongs to, but it's
definitely not Elvis, as he returned his.

1) Me: "I've just seen Elvis in B&Q."
Mate: "What was he doing there?"
Me: "Returned a sander."



2) Can you imagine how much permanent damage we'd have done to our arms if the Village People had called it the GHZB.

Credit: @TheNewsAtGlenn



3) Noel Gallagher went to a world heritage site in Cambodia and was told by a buddhist monk not to turn around and look upon the temple as he left.

"Don't look back in Angkor," he said.

10 Christmas jokes (part 5)

Christmas will soon be here again, so Merry Christmas to all my readers!

Sticking with the festive mood, here's another batch of Christmas themed jokes...

Merry Christmas!

1) What did the peanut butter say to the grape at Christmas?
"'Tis the season to be jelly!"



2) Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they make the toys.



3) What's yellow, sweet and swings through the jungle at Christmas?
Tarzipan.

If I had a dollar...

Good ideas are like dollars. They make cents.

Looks like Windows has crashed again.

That was a financially related way of leading into this week's blog post, as this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features a round-up of 'If I had a dollar' jokes.*

* For the benefit of UK readers, that's like an 'If I had a penny' joke, but with a really bad exchange rate.

1) If Bill Gates had a dollar for every time Windows crashed...

Oh, wait. He does!

Editor's note: "Charles, I wouldn't recommend making jokes about Bill Gates. What if he takes the huff and shadow bans you from Bing?"
Charles: "I'm sure Bill has got a really good sense of humor, and would therefore never dream of taking such petty action." **shifty eyes**



2) If I had a dollar for every time I got a math problem wrong...

I'd have $3.56!

Light bulb jokes (part 5)

The light bulb was such a good idea that it later became the symbol for someone having a bright idea. It's also the inspiration for numerous jokes.

A light bulb.
The inspiration for emojis and jokes.

So as October 18th is National Light Bulb Day this seems like an appropriate time for another round up of light bulb jokes!

1) How many Bruce Sprinsteen fans does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They prefer Dancing In The Dark.



2) How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
Ha, ha! As if they have electricity in California!



3) How many writers for The Simpsons does is take to change a light bulb?
None. They won't admit that it burnt out 15 years ago!

Jokes written by AI

With the presence of AI growing ever greater with every passing year, some people have claimed it may be only a matter of time before many people see their jobs replaced by AI.

One question I personally couldn't help wondering was, 'Will AI ever replace the jobs of stand up comedians?' To test it out, I asked AI to write a number of jokes on a variety of subjects. For each joke, I gave AI a prompt based on the theme from one of my previous blog posts.

A liar takes questions from other liars.

Have a read of the results and then decide for yourself whether stand up comedians have anything to worry about from AI.

1) Joke prompt: Liars

Why do liars always seem to be good at math?
Because they can always make the truth add up to whatever they want!

Not a bad start. Admittedly, I'm not rolling on the floor with laughter, but at least it makes sense.

Geordie jokes

I often have blog posts celebrating weird national days, but one national day I've never previously mentioned on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog is National Geordie Day! Being a Geordie myself, this is perhaps an oversight on my part, but it's one I'm finally about to correct, as this weeks the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features a selection of Geordie jokes to celebrate National Geordie Day.

A meringue.

If you speak Geordie yourself then the following jokes will need no explanation. However, for the benefit of anyone who is unfamiliar with the Geordie dialect, I've also included an appendix providing translations of relevant Geordie words.

1) A Geordie walks into Greggs, points at the display and asks, "Is that a cake or a meringue?"

The baker replies, "No, you're right. It's a cake."



2) What do you call a Geordie girl who's learning to drive?
Lorna.

10 birthday jokes

This week sees the Charles Fudgemuffin blog celebrate it's 11th birthday! So to celebrate, this week's blog post features 10 birthday themed jokes.

Happy Birthday, Charles!

You may be thinking, "Wouldn't it have made more sense to celebrate a round number like your 10th birthday rather than your 11th birthday?" Well, yes. That's right. It would make more sense.

However, I forgot last year, so that's why I'm celebrating my blog's 11th birthday rather than its 10th birthday.

Anyway, enough of the introductory ramble. Here are the birthday jokes...

1) It seems that shops stock seasonal products earlier and earlier each year. Today, I saw a birthday card, but my birthday isn't until November! Utterly ridiculous!

Credit: @VizComic



2) My mate gave me a castle shaped like an abacus for my birthday.

It’s the fort that counts.

10 password memes and jokes

You probably think I'm making this up, but the first Thursday every May is World Password Day! So in honour of World Password Day, here are a few jokes and memes on the theme of passwords and internet security...

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog
celebrates World Password Day.

1) Here's a conversation* I had with the priest when I was at a funeral the other week...

Me: "Can you tell me the wifi password please?"
Priest: "Have some respect for the dead!"
Me: "Is that all lower case?"

* Not really. That was just a made up fictitious claim to lead into the joke.




2) Change your wifi password to '2444666668888888'.

Then when somebody asks what it is, you can tell them it's '12 34 56 78'.

Star Wars jokes (part 4)

As Star Wars fans will know, May the 4th is officially Star Wars Day* so as I often like to do at this time of year, in honour of Star Wars Day this week's blog post takes inspiration from Star Wars with another collection of Star Wars themed jokes.

HD is Yoda.

* Inspired be the phrase 'May The 4th Be With You'.

1) My wife was so angry at my Star Wars obsession that she screamed, "I'm leaving you!"
"May divorce be with you!!" I replied.



2) What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?
"HDMI."

World Cup jokes and memes

The 2022 World Cup comes to an end next weekend, so it seems an appropriate time to feature a random collection of World Cup related memes and jokes!

1) This is what Phil Foden would look like if he was a cat...

#SeparatedAtBirth

For the record, Phil Foden is a class footballer who should be a guaranteed starter for England. Nevertheless, I have to admit, his hairstyle does look a bit like he copied it from a Lego figure.

Jokes that work better when spoken aloud

Some jokes work best when they're spoken aloud. So, given that the Charles Fudgemuffin blog is published in written form, that would therefore make those type of jokes the worst possible jokes to feature on the blog.

"Get out!"
"No, gout!"

Nevertheless, despite how illogical and unsuited jokes like that would be for a blog post, I'm going to feature them anyway!

To enhance the quality of your joke reading experience, you may wish to read each joke aloud. However, I only recommend doing this if you are on your own, otherwise people might think you're a bit weird if you just start randomly reading out jokes.

1) Me: "Doctor, I've got really sore feet."
Doctor: "Gout."
Me: "But I've only just got here!"

10 jokes and memes about jobs (part 2)

If you're a relative of an influential politician then you may have a high paid 'consultancy job' in a foreign country which coincidentally just so happens to receive billions of taxpayers' money in foreign aid, which definitely goes to help needy people and definitely doesn't get used as back handers for politicians' relatives. **shifty eyes**

Grumpy Cat: "Why are you so sad?"
Grumpy Clown: "I was sacked for being late.
What about you? Why are you so sad?"
Grumpy Cat: "Because I'm not the real Grumpy Cat. I'm just a look-alike.
I only get paid a fraction of what the real Grumpy Cat earned!"

However, the rest of us need to get real jobs, so this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features another round-up of jokes and memes about jobs.

1) A clown turned up for work late on his first day and he got sacked from the circus. He's suing for funfair dismissal.

Credit: Athletico Mince



2) Being a waiter isn't the most glamorous job, but it puts food on the table.

There are two types of people...

The world can be divided into two types of people. Those who divide the world into two types of people, and those who don't. This week I fall into the first category as this week's blog post features ten examples of the 'two types of people' joke.

There are two types of people in the world.

1) There are two types of people in the world.

Those with a short attention span and ... wow! Look at that advert over there at the right hand side of the page for my latest book!




2) There are 8/4 types of people in the world.

Those who understand fractions, and those who don't.

Nerd jokes (part (4x8)-(5x5))

If you've solved the sum in the title, then you'll know that this week's blog post is nerd jokes part 7. If you haven't solved the sum in the title, then you'll know anyway, because I've just told you!

A nerd, pictured three days before overmorrow.

Anyway, here's another batch of jokes with a nerdish theme to them...

1) There are three types of people in the world.
Those who can count, and those who can't!



2) The teacher gave us homework and said she wanted us to show that we understood fractions...

...so I only did half of it.

10 music jokes (part 4)

It's National Music Day on June 21st, so taking inspiration from the theme of music, this week's blog post features a collection of musical themed jokes...

Badum, tsch.

1) I was in the Post Office queue the other day when Diana Ross tried to push in.
I said to her, "You can't hurry, love. You'll just have to wait."



2) What did the the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two!



3) Surely Jon Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.