Random thoughts (part 13)

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a look at a selection of random subjects, including energy drinks, weather forecasts, and social media. As this is the 13th such collection of random thoughts, I've cleverly entitled it, 'Random thoughts (part 13)'.

A bald man.

Editor: "Charles, was the caption really necessary? I think the
readers can work out for themselves that it's a bald man."

1) Bald curiosity

When bald men wash their face, how high up do they go?

2) Breaking news

If liars pants really did catch on fire, then watching the news would be a lot more entertaining!

3) Cool idea

I wish there was a way to use your phone to text someone, but instead of typing what you want to say, you would just say it out loud into the phone and the other person could hear you and they could just talk back to you out loud.

Superhero related thoughts (part 3)

Superhero fans will know that a new Deadpool movie comes out next week (July 26th, 2024, to be precise). Technically speaking, Deadpool isn't really a superhero, he's a villain who became so popular that Marvel decided to loosely convert him to a 'hero' for financial purposes.

Deadpool.
A former villain turned ... still a villain, really.

However, even though Deadpool isn't really a superhero, I've nevertheless decided to use it as an excuse for another round-up of random superhero related thoughts.

1) A dubious moral of the story

Most superheroes ganied their power either from an accident or they were born with them. Most villains gained their power from having extreme intelligence or years of hard work.

What message are Marvel and DC trying to teach us?

2) Green light for crime

The Bat Signal basically tells every criminal in Gotham that Batman is going to be busy, so the best time to commit a crime would be while the Bat Signal is on.

Random Star Wars thoughts (part 2)

It's almost Star Wars Day*, so this week the Charles Fudgemuffin features a collection of random Star Wars related thoughts.

Tatooine.
Strangely similar to Tunisia on Earth.

* May 4th, chosen because of a pun on words, i.e. May the Fourth be with you.

1) Surely Luke Skywalker would have been pretty annoyed at Obi-Wan Kenobi when he found out that Leia grew up as royalty on Alderaan while he grew up as a moisture farmer on Tatooine?




2) Baby Yoda's first word probably came after his second word.

Random thoughts (part 12)

From time to time on the Charles Fudgemffin blog, I randomly like to publish a few random thoughts on random subjects. Today is one of those times.

"Nobody tells me what to do! I'll climb where I want!"

1) Gone astray

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If a 'homing' pigeon doesn't come home, you've lost a normal pigeon.

2) Too good to waste

Have you noticed that there are never any leftover recipes for chocolate?

Cats and dogs (part 4)

This week we got to celebrate National Pet Day, so in honor of cats and dogs, here's another collection of random feline and canine thoughts and observations.

"I love doughnuts! Er, I mean, I love my owner.""

1) If a dog jumps on your lap, it is because he loves you.
If a cat jumps on your lap, it is because your lap is warmer.



2) 'Meow' means 'woof' in cat.



3) When cat food and dog food is advertised as a 'new improved flavour', who tests it?

Random food thoughts

This coming week features an important date, because February 9th is National Pizza Day! Unfortunately I couldn't think of ten pizza related thoughts, so instead I've had to expand the net a little further afield for this week's blog post, and feature random thoughts on a variety of foods...

Happy National Pizza Day!

1) Buy a man a pizza and you feed him for a day, but buy a man two pizzas, and you feed him for a day.



2) If human beings did not exist, ducks wouldn't know what bread tastes like.



3) KitKat wafer cream is made of ground up KitKat misshapes, so how did they make the first KitKat?

Random Christmas thoughts (part 2)

Christmas Day is here again! Merry Christmas to everyone who read the Charles Fudgemuffin blog this year, and I'll leave you with these random Christmas related thoughts...

"... and a happy new year!"

1) Hearing bumps and crashes in your house on Christmas night would be terrifying for adults, but exciting for children.



2) The person who wrote 'We wish you a Merry Christmas' was too lazy to write two songs for two separate occasions.

Random thoughts (Nature edition)

From time to time, I like to post random thoughts on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog and this week is no different. Well, there is one slight difference. This week's random thoughts are all on the theme of nature...

Unfortunately I haven't got a photo of a real turtle, but I think you'll agree,
this fake turtle made from stones makes an impressive improvised version.
(If you squint your eyes, and just glance quickly.)

1) The early bird catches the worm, but surely sometimes the lazy bird must catch the lazy worm.



2) If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless?



3) There are no baby butterflies.

Random thoughts (part 11)

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features another selection of random thoughts on subjects as varied as birthdays, synchronised swimming, and the Mona Lisa.

To start things off, here's some advice on how to end a phone call with someone you don't like...

"I'm sorry, it must be a bad line."

1) Devious discontinuations

The best way to hang up on someone is to hang up halfway through your own sentence. That way they won't realise you deliberately hung up on them, and they'll think it was just a fault with the line.

2) Coordinated casualities

If a synchronized swimmer drowns, do their team-mates have to drown too?

Random thoughts (part 10)

It's been ten months since I featured my last round-up of random thoughts, and since I average around one thought per month that means I've now had enough random thoughts to put together another blog post of random thoughts!

"Don't worry! I'll watch your things for you!"

This week's collection of random thoughts features such random subjects as identical twins, butlers, and to start things off, a beach based random thought...

1) Misplaced trust

On the beach I've often been asked by complete strangers to watch their stuff while they go in the sea for a swim, because they're afraid that a complete stranger might steal their stuff.

How do they know I'm not the stranger they're afraid of that would steal their stuff!?

2) Impeccable timing

News reports often refer to an untimely death. That begs the question, is there such a thing as a timely death?

Random thoughts (part 9)

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features another selection of random thoughts covering such random subjects as electricity, middle names, and Photoshop.

But first, here's a worrying thought about washing up liquid...

Random thoughts.

1) Pro-Bacterial?

Persil washing up liquid is available in regular Persil and 'Persil Anti-Bacterial'.

What does that say about regular Persil? Does regular Persil allow bacteria to flourish?

2) The unnamed eel

What was the electric eel called before electricity was discovered?

Random thoughts (part 8)

It's been a few month since my last batch of random thoughts, so that can only mean one thing. It's time for another collection of yet more random thoughts...

Happy birthday to Tu Youyou!

1) Happy birthday to Tu Youyou!

The winner of the 2015 Nobel prize for physiology or medicine was Chinese chemist Tu Youyou.

Rather impressively, Tu Youyou discovered new antibiotics which are used to treat malaria. But even more impressive is the fact that Tu Youyou has the world's most confusing name to sing happy birthday to!

Tu Youyou's friends: "Happy birthday to you!"
Tu Youyou: "No, it's Tu Youyou."

Random superhero related thoughts (part 2)

As I'm sure all superhero fans will be aware, this week saw the release of the controversial new Joker movie from DC Comics. Although technically the Joker is a villain, not a hero obviously, I nevertheless thought this would be an appropriate time to round up another collection of random superhero themed thoughts...

"Don't make me hungry. You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry."
#Hangry

1) A flawed disguise

Superman wears glasses to disguise his identity, so does his optician know his true identity?

2) More than he can stomach

If the Hulk ate as much as he could until he was absolutely full, then he turned back into Bruce Banner, would his stomach explode?

Random thoughts (part 7)

It's time for another collection of random thoughts about random subjects such as breathing, early birds, and advertising...

This dog obviously has its sense of self-importance just right.

1) Laughter is the cure

If you lose one sense, your other senses become enhanced. That's why people with no sense of humour have an increased sense of self-importance.

2) Road rage

When two people are walking and almost bump into each other, they both apologise and immediately take all the blame. When two people are driving and almost bump into each other, they both immediately get angry out and totally blame the other person.

Random thoughts (part 6)

Once again it's time for a round-up of random thoughts about a variety of random subjects...

1) Sweep cheat

"Nobody can sweep as good as that!
There must be another explanation..."

At the Winter Olympics, a Russian curling competitor failed a drug test.

Maybe I'm being a bit gormless here, but why would you take performance enhancing drugs ... for curling? How can drugs make you better at sweeping? I don't get it.

Perhaps the makers of Meldonium should include the following warning:

Caution: Side effects may include headaches, dizziness, and making you better at sweeping.

Random superhero related thoughts

This week saw the release of the new Teen Titans movie from DC Comics, 'Teen Titans Go! To The Movies', so with that in mind, this week's blog post has a superhero theme to it.

"Hmm, what shall I call myself?
Mr Brilliant? Mr Excellent? No, I've got it!
Mr Fantastic!"

1) Mr Arrogant

The Fantastic Four chose their own names, and yet Reed Richards chose to call himself Mr Fantastic. What a bighead!

2) Useless powers

In real life Superman's 'super' hearing would be useless. Because of the speed of sound, any scream he heard from miles away would reach him after the victim was already dead.

3) Who needs eyelids?

Technically, superheroes with x-ray vision could walk around with their eyes shut all the time.

Random thoughts (part 5)

Here's another batch of random thoughts on random unconnected subjects...

Mmm!!!

1) Mirror, mirror

Technically, every mirror you buy at a store is in used condition.



2) Udderly ridiculous

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'Hmm, I think I'll squeeze those dangly things and then drink what comes out.'?



3) Warning sign

People who say, "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best," generally don't have a 'best'.

Random Star Wars thoughts

This coming Friday is Star Wars Day (May 4th), so in honour of Star Wars Day here are a few random Star Wars thoughts:

Ffffkrrrrshhzzzwooooom ... woom ... woooom.

1) In the light saber battle at the end of The Empire Strikes Back, Darth Vader cuts off Luke's right hand.

However, it wasn't all bad news for Luke, because he would still be able to type Star Wars on a keyboard! That's because all of the letters in 'Star Wars' are on the left hand side of the keyboard!


2) Why don’t jedis use the force to press the button and turn off their opponent’s lightsabers?


3) Luke Skywalker would have looked like a right idiot if he had missed his shot on the Death Star after he turned off his targeting computer.

Cats and dogs (part 1)

April 11th is National Pet Day, so in honor of our our pets, here are a few observation about cats and dogs.

"Meow!" "Woof!"

1) If you died at home, your dog would be found sitting next to your corpse looking sad. Your cat would be found sitting staring at its empty food bowl.


2) When the doorbell rings, why do dogs always assume it's for them?


3) Why does Goofy stand on two legs when Pluto stands on four legs? They're both dogs.

Random thoughts on aliens

My latest alien themed short story 'We Come In Peace' is released this weekend for kindle, so to celebrate this week's blog post is a selection of random alien themed thoughts...

The first man on the moon was an alien backwards.

1) Maybe there's an advanced alien civilisation millions of light years away watching the Earth with their telescopes, and they really want to visit us, but they're scared of all the dinosaurs.


2) Neil A was the first human on the moon. Neil A backwards is Alien.


3) If aliens looked at earth, they would see the majority of humans losing consciousness as the earth rotates away from the sun. They would probably assume we are powered by photosynthesis.