Saturday 16 March 2024

Taking things literally

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a look at a few examples where things were taken just a little bit too literally.

1) The top states to live in


If you're American and you've ever wondered what the top states to live in are, then the following image provides the answer.


Bonus Alaska joke:

An Alaskan was on trial, and the prosecutor asked him, "Where were you on the night of October to April?"

Saturday 9 March 2024

No Smoking Day (part 3)

By the 1950s, tobacco companies (and governments) knew that smoking was bad for people's health, but it wasn't until years later that they finally admitted it. For years they enlisted scientists and the media to smear those who warned the public about the dangers of smoking. Sadly, their lies worked, because it wasn't until 1982* that cigarette sales finally started to drop in the United States.

* Source: https://tobaccocontrol.bmj.com/content/21/2/87

Since the truth finally leaked out about smoking, thousands of people every year try to give up smoking, and in fact there's even a day especially for that purpose, creatively named ... No Smoking Day! This year No Smoking Day falls on 13th March, so to 'celebrate', this week's blog post features a no smoking theme.

1) The simplest way to give up is to follow the example of this statue, and just say no.

Just say no.

"No thanks, mate. They stunt your growth."

Credit: Reddit

Saturday 2 March 2024

Captcha memes and jokes

One thing I find annoying about the internet is having to fill out captchas to prove I'm not a robot.

However, the good news is that although this week's blog post features several captchas, you won't have to fill any of them out, because the captchas below aren't real captchas. They're just silly memes!

1) Bugs captcha


At first glance, any insect experts reading this* may think that the following captcha is right up their street. However, closer inspection reveals that the captcha is targeted more towards computer programmers, rather than entomologists.

* Of which I'm sure there are many.


"Select all squares with bugs."

Saturday 24 February 2024

Fake headlines quiz

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog puts your detective skills to the test with a multiple choice quiz on the theme of fake headlines. Each multiple choice category features four headlines based on a similar theme, but only three of the headlines are real headlines taken from actual news websites.

Take a look at the following categories and see if you can spot which are the fake headlines:

Crime:


To start things off, this first batch of headlines are all based on the unfortunately common news theme of crime.

"Money well spent!"
A) "A man tried to rob a bank after paying $500 to a wizard to make him invisible."

On first hearing this story, my reaction was, "There's no way that can possibly be true." However, before making your decision, I should add that the gullible dude lived in Iran where ridiculous superstitions are apparently more commonly believed than in the West.*

* With the exception of ****** ******* and ******* ******* obviously.


B) "Pub quiz cheats to face prison sentences of up to 6 years if Labour win the next general election, Keith Starmer announces."

With all the increasing real crimes in modern day Britain, it does seem a little bizarre to go after pub quiz cheats.


C) "'Everyone makes mistakes' says teen who karate-kicked 74 year old man into River Mersey."

I wonder if he'd be quite so relaxed if the judge 'mistakenly' gave him a fifty year prison sentence.


D) "A prisoner who briefly died argues that he's served his life sentence."

This sounds like a silly joke headline that someone might make up, but incredibly, the prisoner's case actually went to the Court Of Appeals in Iowa!

Which headline is fake?

Saturday 17 February 2024

Quirks of the English language (part 4)

English can be a strange and confusing language, with lots of weird and wonderful quirks. This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog highlights a few more of those quirks.

A baseball player strikes the ball to avoid a strike.

1) Cucumber as a cool


The sentence, "Are you as cool as I am?", can be said backwards and still makes sense.




2) Contradictory language (part 1)


strike

Verb
1. To hit.
2. To miss in an attempt to hit (esp. baseball).

Saturday 10 February 2024

15 Alan Partridge quotes (part 2)

A new Alan Partridge series was announced this week; 'And Did Those Feet... with Alan Partridge', a spoof documentary which follows Alan as he reintegrates into life in Britain after a year working in Saudi Arabia.

There's no release date as yet, however, so for any Alan Partridge fans, here's another selection of Alan Partridge quotes to keep you going until 'And Did Those Feet' hits our screens.

Alan Partridge discusses hawks.
1) "Today's sad story is from Deidre Thomas from Dibbs Lane in Holt. 'Dear Alan, I want to be as honest as I can with you, so I hope you'll understand that I'd rather remain anonymous...'"



2) "My greatest achievement is my consistent resistance to dumbing down. I think if anything, I’ve tried to dumb up."



3) To a hawk at a bird sanctuary...

"I'm sorry Mr Hawk, your pardon has been turned down. You have been found guilty of premeditated homicide of a mouse, and you will be hanged by the neck until dead. And don’t try to hover up so that the rope goes slack. They could do that, couldn't they?"

Saturday 3 February 2024

Library humour

Libraries have a reputation for being somewhere where you can read books. Deservedly so, some would argue.

However, libraries can also be a source of humour, as the following memes demonstrate...

1) Mystery humour


To start things off, here's a book category which does exactly what it says on the tin.

Credit: imgur

Mystery by name...

...mystery by nature!