Top tips (part 8)

If you're looking for serious advice, then you've come to the wrong place. If you're looking for silly advice, however, then this week's blog post should be perfect for you, as this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features another colection of silly top tips.

AI? Or just a devious criminal?

Credit: memedroid

1) Ugly men. On dating apps, always upload your photos upside down, so when girls flip their phones and swipe left, it actually swipes right.




2) Criminals. Wear a fake extra finger, so any photo or video evidence will be inadmissible as it will appear to be AI generated.

Legal disclaimer: The Charles Fudgemuffin blog does not actually recommend that criminals do this. Charles Fudgemuffin recommends that criminals instead rethink their lives and turn away from their criminal deeds.




3) Pensioners. The government don't want you to live a long happy life, because they owe you your state pension/social security.

Always be skeptical therefore of any health advice that government 'experts' give you.

Question of the day (part 5)

According to the experts, it's bad to ask questions. You should always just blindly accept the advice of the 'experts' ... even when they're repeatedly wrong on every imaginable subject!

'Chatoyant' is a cool word that we should use more often.
It means 'light reflecting off a gemstone', and it's such a mellifluous
word! Actually, that's another word we should use more often!

However, at least half of the following questions should hopefully avoid upsetting the experts, because this week's blog post features another mix of silly and serious questions.

Serious:

1) What is a cool word in the English language which is underused and needs to be used more often?



Silly:

2) Do they have pantomimes in America?

Oh no they don't!

Funny horse names: A true or false quiz (part 2)

This weekend sees the Grand National take place, which for the benefit of non-English people is the biggest horse race of the year in England.

Although I'm not really interested in horse racing, I do appreciate some of the amusing names that some horses have. This week's blog post therefore has a horse racing theme in the form of a quiz. Take a look at the following horse names, and try to decide if they are real actual horse names, or whether they're just a daft fictitious invention that I made up.

1) Hoof Hearted

Hoof Hearted denies being responsible for the suspicious smell.

Back in the early 2000s, there was a South African horse with the rather immature name Hoof Hearted.

In case you're wondering why exactly Hoof Hearted was an immature name, ask yourself what question you would ask if there was an unpleasant smell?

Hoof Hearted?

True or false?

Random coincidences

My latest book 'A Series Of Seriously Consequential Coincidences' was recently published for kindle, so to publicize it, this week's blog post features a round up of memes, jokes, facts, and personal experiences all on the theme of coincidences.

1) Imagine sitting on a plane and it turns out that the passenger in the next seat looks exactly like you! That's what happened to Neil Douglas when he boarded a flight and discovered that the person sitting next to him was a mirror image of himself.

Credit: Telegraph

By a further coincidence, they were both going to the same destination!

Editor's note: "Of course they would be going to the same destination. It was a plane, not a bus. That's how planes work!"
Charles: "Yes, it was a joke."
Editor: "Oh, right. That makes more sense."

Pranks (part 2)

April Fools Day will be with us in a few days time, so to prepare everyone, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features a round-up of silly pranks.

1) Before I get started though, if any blog masters are reading this, then if you keep reading I'll tell you how to trick your readers into thinking there's a hair on their screen.

Editor's note: "Charles, you forgot to include the advice on how to trick their readers. Also, have you got any advice on how I can get a hair off my screen. It seems to be well and truly stuck."

Charles: **chortle** "A hair on your screen, you say? No, sorry. I don't know how you would get a hair off your screen." **snicker**

Idiot Awards (part 7)

It really annoys me when idiots can't tell the difference between to, two, and too.

Their so stupid!

Editor's note: "Charles, that should read 'they're', not 'their'."
Charles: "Yes, I know. It's a joke. I'm poking fun at myself."
Editor: "Oh, sorry!"

Anyway, it's time to shine the spotlight on idiots once again as this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features another batch of Idiot Awards.

A grumpy hair stylist complains about job discrimination.

1) Miserable Idiot

This first example is a story that highlights just how idiotic the forever-outraged elements of our society have become. To summarize the story, a hair salon wanted to place a job advert, but they were told they weren't allowed to advertise for a 'happy stylist' because it discriminated against unhappy people!

Not surprisingly, the hair salon owner placing the advert thought it was a joke at first, but incredibly the local job centre were actually being serious. Thankfully, they eventually backed down though, once the story started going viral on social media.

Lazy or genius? (part 2)

I was going to write a blog post this week on the subject of non-linear quantum optics and photonics, but I couldn't be bothered. So instead, I've taken inspiration from my own laziness and compiled a blog post on the theme of 'lazy of genius' memes!

1) Lazy clock

"Shall we move the clock out of the way of that pole?"
"No, I've got a better idea..."

Credit: The Irish Sun

You have to ask ... were the stick on numbers even neecessary? I mean, I'm pretty sure most people could guess what the hidden numbers were even without the numbers written on the pole.