Funny football quotes (part 18)

Another season of the Premier League comes to an end this weekend, so as is tradition on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, this week we feature another round-up of funny football quotes from footballers, pundits and managers.

Pay attention to the 18 yard box.
It may come in useful later on...

1) "The 33 or 34 year olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they're not careful."
...Kevin Keegan

If they're not careful?

I wasn't aware that being careful allowed you to prevent the ageing process?




2) "If Villa got another goal now it would change the scoreline completely."
...Tony Cottee

Funny football quotes (part 17)

This weekend brings good news for football fans with withdrawal symptoms over the summer, because a new season of the Premier League starts today!

We've managed to obtain a photo of the footballer
that David Pleat was referring to.

As has become customary, the Charles Fudgemuffin blog celebrates the new season by bringing you another collection of amusing football themed quotes from players, managers, and pundits.

1) “He is an interesting player ... short back legs.”
...David Pleat

And what about his front legs? Are they short as well?



2) “That kind of natural understanding doesn’t develop naturally.”
…Kenny Cunningham



3) “I will never forget my first game for England at the World Cup. It was against Turkey. No, I mean Tunisia.”
…David Seaman

Funny football quotes (part 16)

Another season of the Premier League comes to a conclusion this weekend, so that can only mean one thing. It's time for another round-up of silly football themed quotes!

"Hurray! We're two nil down!"

1) "Not only has he shown Junior Lewis the red card, but he's also sent him off!"
...Chris Kamara



2) "The good news for Paraguay is that they've gone two-nil down so early on."
...Kevin Keegan



3) "We had a good team on paper. Unfortunately the game is played on grass."
...Brian Clough

Funny sports quotes (part 2)

I often feature funny football quotes on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, but this week I spread the net further afield as I round up a collection of funny quotes from a variety of miscellaneous sports.

To start things off, here are a couple of tennis quotes which made me chuckle...

Remember John Lloyd's advice!

Tennis:

1) "It is vital in a match like this that Chris remembers to breathe."
...John Lloyd.

I would say that was vital in any match!


2) "Every player can serve over 125 miles."
...Roger Federer.

Wow! 125 miles? That's a very far serve!

Funny football quotes (part 15)

A new season of the Premier League gets under way this weekend, and it's become something of a tradition on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog to mark the occasion with another collection of funny football quotes.

"The perfect penalty."

1) "That was the perfect penalty, apart from he missed it."
…Rob McCaffrey



2) "Ireland will give 99% … everything they've got!"
…Mark Lawrenson



3) "And Ritchie has now scored 11 goals, exactly double the number he scored last season."
…Alan Parry

Ritchie improves on the five and a half goals he scored last season.

Funny football quotes (part 14)

The Qatar World Cup organisers lied and said they could hold the World Cup in the summer. However, it turned out they were lying and that wasn't possible, so as a result of their lies, the World Cup was moved to November. This means the Premier League season starts earlier this year to accommodate the Qatar World Cup organisers' lies.

Sticknaldo

I always like to celebrate the start of a new football season with a football themed blog post, so as a new football season starts this weekend (due to the lies of the Qatar World Cup organisers) that means that this week it's time for another round up of funny football quotes.

1) "In a way, Steve, Manchester City scoring early against Liverpool was the best thing that could happen to Liverpool."
~Sky Sports presenter

Yes, I can just imagine Jurgen Klopp giving his team talk...

"Right, lads. Go out there and concede an early goal, because that's the best thing that can happen to us."



2) "That was never a penalty in a million planets."
~Alan McInally

Funny football quotes (part 13)

I like to mark the end of each football* season with a football themed blog post, so as the Premier League comes to an end this weekend here's another round-up of funny football quotes from managers, players and pundits...

Why was the duck given a red card?
For fowl-play.

* Or 'soccer' for the benefit of any American readers.

1) "I don't know if that result is enough to lift Birmingham off the bottom of the table, although it'll certainly take them above Sunderland."
…Mike Ingham



2) "If it stays as it is, I can’t see it altering."
…Graham Taylor sticks his neck out.



3) "There were two second division matches last night, both in the second division."
...Dominic Allen

Murray Walker quotes (part 3)

A new formula 1 season starts this weekend as the teams and drivers head to Bahrain for the opening Grand Prix of the year. So to celebrate, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog rounds up a few more memorable quotes from legendary formula 1 commentator Murray Walker...

A formula 1 car, pictured decades ago.

1) "And there's a dry line appearing in the tunnel. Obvious really as it has a roof."



2) "And the first five places are filled by five different cars."



3) "That's the first time he had started from the front row in a Grand Prix, having done so in Canada earlier this year."

Funny football quotes (part 12)

I traditionally like to mark the end of the football season with a football themed blog post, so as the Premier League comes to an end this weekend, here's another round-up of amusing quotes from football managers, players and pundits...

Another football season comes to an end.

1) “Without being too harsh, Croatia were appalling.”
…Teddy Sheringham gives his extremely unharsh assessment of Croatia's performance.



2) “If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.”
…Neville Southall reveals his strange sleeping patterns.



3) “If that had gone in, it would have been a goal.”
…David Coleman

Funny sports quotes

Tennis is becoming more popular
in small countries such as 'Russia'.

Sport is a great way to keep fit, but if you're not feeling very energetic then sport can also be a great way to exercise your laughter muscles!

Here are a selection of funny quotes made by sporting personalities from a variety of sports...

Tennis:

1) "Federer is human, but for how long?"
...Wimbledon commentator


2) "There are a lot of players coming through from smaller countries like Serbia and Russia."
...Lleyton Hewitt

Funny football quotes (part 9)

Football. It's a funny old game.

Another Premier League season comes to an end tomorrow, so as has become traditional on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, here's another batch of amusing football quotes from players, managers, pundits and commentators...

1) “Marseille needed to score first, and that never looked likely once Liverpool had taken the lead.”
…David Pleat


2) “I didn't see the ball. I just saw it going to my right.”
…Robert Green


3) “Maths is totally done differently to what I was teached when I was at school.”
…David Beckham.  I think English is ‘teached’ differently as well by the sounds of it, David.

Funny football quotes (part 8)

Football. The inspiration for many silly quotes.

Another season of football starts today, so as has become traditional on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, here's another batch of funny football quotes from players, managers and pundits.

1) “There was nothing wrong with his timing. He was just a bit late.”
…Mark Bright


2) “Hodge scored for Forest after 22 seconds … totally against the run of play!”
…Peter Lorenzo


3) “I don't want to be playing in the Under 21s forever.”
…David Bentley

Funny football quotes (part 7)

"Hooray!" The crowd celebrates the news that more funny
football quotes are to appear on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog.

Last weekend saw the end of arguably the most incredible season in the history of English football, so this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog has a football theme, as I take a look at another batch of funny football quotes from footballers, managers and pundits, starting with an insightful piece of analysis from Phil Thompson...

1) “West Brom have won a few late points. Do those points help or hinder them? I think they help them.”
…Phil Thompson


2) “It's Ipswich 0 Liverpool 2, and if that's the way the score stays then you've got to fancy Liverpool to win.”
…Peter Jones


3) “The one thing that Cristiano Ronaldo has is pace, quick feet and a great eye for goal.”
…Chris Waddle (I think that's three things, Chris)

Murray Walker quotes (part 2)

'If' is F1 spelt backwards...

Next weekend sees the start of a new formula 1 season, so as a tribute to a formula 1 commentating legend, here's another round-up of classic 'Murrayisms' from the former voice of formula 1 and one of my all-time favourite sports commentators, Murray Walker.

1) "This is an interesting circuit because it has inclines, and not just up but down as well!"
...Unless describing the Penrose stairs, you would generally expect this to be the case.


2) "I make no apologies for their absence. I'm sorry they're not here."


3) "Andrea de Cesaris, the man who has won more Grand Prix than anyone else without actually winning one of them."

"Everton are literally a bag of Revels!"

Non-literal use of the word literally.

As time goes by, languages evolve and words which once meant one thing can gradually come to be used to mean something else. One such word which has changed it's meaning over the years is the word 'literally' ... and now it's official!

A Norwegian woman wearing her birthday suit.

The latest edition of the Oxford Dictionary includes an additional definition which acknowledges that when used informally, 'literally' can be ‘used for emphasis rather than being actually true’ such as ‘we were literally killing ourselves laughing’.

In honour of this linguistic update, I've listed below a few sporting examples which literally conjure up some strange images.  First of all, as you can see from this opening quote, child-birth must be absolute agony for Norwegian woman...

1) “You were up against the Norwegians who are literally born on skis.”
...Kate Silverton


2) “Everton are literally a bag of Revels.”
...Paul Merson

More Olympic quotes

Katherine Copeland achieved her lifetime ambition of being on a stamp!
Oh ... and she also won an Olympic gold medal as well.

Please note, that's not Katherine pictured on the above stamps. That's the Queen.

I think all sports fans can agree that we’ve just witnessed a brilliantly exciting and amazingly entertaining Olympics, with perhaps the only disappointment being marathon gold medal winner, Stephen Kiprotich, letting his fans down by refusing to do a lap of honour.

That one small blemish aside though, it’s been a memorable and exciting Olympics, so to celebrate here are a few of my favourite quotes from the games, together with a few Olympic themed quotes from years gone by.

1) “We’ve just won the Olympics! We’re going to be on a stamp!”
…The first thing Katherine Copeland said after winning her gold medal in the women's lightweight double sculls.

A list of Olympic quotes

To celebrate the Olympic Games I've collected together a list of Olympic themed quotes by various commentators, competitors and others over the years.

The true meaning of the Olympics?

Please note, however, in accordance with official Olympic legislation, visitors to this website must not wear Nike garments or consume Pepsi drink products while reading the following quotes. Only officially endorsed products from official Olympic sponsors, such as Adidas and Coca Cola, are allowed to be worn or drank while reading this Olympic themed blog post. Thank you for your co-operation.

1) “The 2012 Olympics is going to cost £8 billion which is a lot of money. It’ll probably bankrupt London. But you can't put a price on two bronze medals in cycling.”
…Jimmy Carr