Funny sports quotes (part 2)

I often feature funny football quotes on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, but this week I spread the net further afield as I round up a collection of funny quotes from a variety of miscellaneous sports.

To start things off, here are a couple of tennis quotes which made me chuckle...

Remember John Lloyd's advice!

Tennis:

1) "It is vital in a match like this that Chris remembers to breathe."
...John Lloyd.

I would say that was vital in any match!


2) "Every player can serve over 125 miles."
...Roger Federer.

Wow! 125 miles? That's a very far serve!

Football:

3) "Sheffield Wednesday are third in the table. You couldn't be any higher."
…Ian Abrahams


4) "Hodge scored for Forest after 22 seconds … totally against the run of play!"
…Peter Lorenzo

Apparently for the first 21 seconds, Forest had hardly touched the ball!

Basketball:

An scapegoat escape goat.

5) "Any time Detroit score more than 100 points and hold the other team below 100 points, they almost always win."
...Doug Collins.

Only almost?


6) "I ain't gonna be no escape goat."
...Karl Malone.

On an unrelated note, he's also not going to take the blame for something he didn't do.

Athletics:

7) "It wasn't an easy qualification heat for her, even though she did qualify easily."
...Colin Jackson

It wasn't easy to type that quote, even though it was easy.

An essential piece of skiing equipment,
according to Lord Mancroft.

Skiing:

8) "There are really only three things to learn in skiing: how to put on your skis, how to slide downhill, and how to walk along the hospital corridor."
...Lord Mancroft

NFL:

9) "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
...George Rogers.

My money's on 1,000 yards.

UFC:

10) "I'm the oldest I've ever been right now."
...Tim Sylvia.

What a coincidence! So am I!

"Float like a butterfly, sting like a ... kangaroo."

Boxing:

11) "You can sum up boxing in two words, 'You never know.'"
...Lou Duva


12) "I quit school in the sixth grade because of pneumonia. Not because I had it, but because I couldn't spell it.
...Rocky Graziano

Cricket:

13) "The slow motion replay doesn't show how fast the ball was really travelling."
...Richie Benaud

Yes, slow motion tends to do that.

He-Man: "I have the power ... to pot the red!"
Referee: "Sorry, He-Man. That's not suitable dress code
for playing snooker. You have to wear a tie."

Snooker:

14) "I swear on my mother's life... My late mother's life."
...Alex Higgins


15) "I put the tape in and we all found ourselves watching He-Man Masters of the Universe."
...Joe Johnson

Joe had attempted to watch a video of his 1986 World Snooker Championship victory, only to discover his kids had taped over it!

You can find more amusing sports quotes below:
Funny sports quotes
Murray Walker quotes