10 funny quiz show answers (part 12)

I'm not particularly a fan of quiz shows, but I do enjoy it when the contestants give silly answers.

"Cruise, Cruise, wherefore art thou Cruise?"

Thankfully, there have been many foolish quiz show answers over the years*, so here's another batch of amusing answers from quiz show contestants who forgot to put their brain into gear before answering the questions.

* As you probably guessed by the fact that this is part 12.

1) "Which of Posh and Beckham's sons shares his name with a Shakespeare character?"
"Cruise."

From the famous play Cruise and Juliet, presumably.




2) "Name a reason why a woman might marry an ugly man."
"Because she's ugly too."

I thought they say that opposites attract?

Funny signs (part 4)

It's been a few years since I last took a look at silly signs on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, but lovers of signs can finally rejoice, as this week's blog post features another long overdue round-up of funny signs.

1) Hot dog sign

Here's a brilliant offer at Ikea. However, before you get too excited, there is a catch...

"Not actual size."

Credit: imgflip

Not actual size? Did that really need to be clarified? You've got a massive fifteen foot banner hanging from the ceiling, and you felt the need to point out that the hot dog wasn't actually that big?

To be fair though, $0.50 is still an excellent offer, even if the actual hot dog isn't quite as big as some customers were apparently expecting.

Funny supermarket photos (part 5)

The supermarket is a source of food and other household essentials, but it can also be a source of humour!

So on that theme, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes another lightrearted trip to the supermarket.

1) Boneless donuts

At last! I'm glad someone's finally got around to producing boneless donuts.

Credit: imgur

After all, there's nothing worse than biting into a donut and then choking on a bone.

Funny football quotes (part 18)

Another season of the Premier League comes to an end this weekend, so as is tradition on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, this week we feature another round-up of funny football quotes from footballers, pundits and managers.

Pay attention to the 18 yard box.
It may come in useful later on...

1) "The 33 or 34 year olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they're not careful."
...Kevin Keegan

If they're not careful?

I wasn't aware that being careful allowed you to prevent the ageing process?




2) "If Villa got another goal now it would change the scoreline completely."
...Tony Cottee

The funny side of history

A wise man once said, 'Those who fail to learn from the lessons of history are doomed to repeat them.'

With that in mind, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a lighthearted look at history with a collection of history themed memes and jokes.

1) Here's an ancient photo that proves that the ancient Greeks were terrible at loading the dishwasher.

Credit: memedroid

Observer: "Perhaps try standing a bit closer, Discobulus"
Discoblus: "But where would be the fun in that?"

Funny things kids say (part 12)

It's time for another round up of funny things that kids say. As usual the following quotes are from a variety of sources, most of them from the internet, and one or two from real life.

Beautiful stars.
So beautiful, they're worth staying up past your bedtime for.

1) The glory of creation

Here's a kid with an appreciation for the beauty of the Universe:

Kid: "Mommy, if we are supposed to sleep at night why did God make stars so beautiful?"

Credit: @MadHatterMommy

Very true, although I suspect the kid in question was just trying to stay up past their bedtime.

The funny side of art

Art can be perceived as a very serious subject, but it does also have a lighthearted side. To demonstrate, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a look at the funny side of art.

1) To start things off, here's a portrait of an old queen pictured the time when she foolishly bit into a raisin cookie thinking it was a chocolate chip cookie.

"Disgusting!"

From personal experience, I can confirm that the artist has captured her expression perfectly!

10 funny quiz show answers (part 11)

Contestants on TV quiz shows can win a lot of prizes ... but only if they don't give silly answers!

Thankfully, that applies to lots of contestants, as evidenced by the fact that this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features its eleventh round up of funny quiz show answers.

Nervous reader: "Aargh!"
Charles Fudgemuffin: "I did warn you."

However, as a warning for the first question, those of a nervous disposition should look away now...

1) "Name something that makes you scream."
"A squirrel."




2) Be very careful if you live near to this next contestant...

Les Dennis: "Other than crime, name something associated with Inspector Morse."
Contestant: "Murder."
Les Dennis: "So you don't see murder as a crime?"

Funny football quotes (part 17)

This weekend brings good news for football fans with withdrawal symptoms over the summer, because a new season of the Premier League starts today!

We've managed to obtain a photo of the footballer
that David Pleat was referring to.

As has become customary, the Charles Fudgemuffin blog celebrates the new season by bringing you another collection of amusing football themed quotes from players, managers, and pundits.

1) “He is an interesting player ... short back legs.”
...David Pleat

And what about his front legs? Are they short as well?



2) “That kind of natural understanding doesn’t develop naturally.”
…Kenny Cunningham



3) “I will never forget my first game for England at the World Cup. It was against Turkey. No, I mean Tunisia.”
…David Seaman

Things that unintentionally made me laugh (part 5)

Regular readers of the Charles Fudgemuffin blog may be aware that on some occasions I find amusement in things that aren't intended to be funny. This week's blog post is another round up of items fitting that description.

1) Dog drawing contest

To start things off, here's a dog drawing contest that made me laugh.

"Remember that the winner of this contest was chosen through likes."

Personally, I don't understand why they felt the need to clarify how the winner was chosen. Surely the artistic brilliance of the winner would have shone through whatever method they used?

The funny side of fashion

It's National Fashion Day on July 9th, so to celebrate this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a lighthearted look at the latest styles and trends.

1) The Nando's look

Barber: "How would you like your hair cut?"
Footballer: "Well, you know the Nando's logo..."
Barber: "No problem!"

Credit: Who Ate All The Pies

What a peri unusual hairstyle!

Funny football quotes (part 16)

Another season of the Premier League comes to a conclusion this weekend, so that can only mean one thing. It's time for another round-up of silly football themed quotes!

"Hurray! We're two nil down!"

1) "Not only has he shown Junior Lewis the red card, but he's also sent him off!"
...Chris Kamara



2) "The good news for Paraguay is that they've gone two-nil down so early on."
...Kevin Keegan



3) "We had a good team on paper. Unfortunately the game is played on grass."
...Brian Clough

Taking things literally

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a look at a few examples where things were taken just a little bit too literally.

1) The top states to live in

If you're American and you've ever wondered what the top states to live in are, then the following image provides the answer.

Bonus Alaska joke:

An Alaskan was on trial, and the prosecutor asked him, "Where were you on the night of October to April?"

Funny sports quotes (part 2)

I often feature funny football quotes on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, but this week I spread the net further afield as I round up a collection of funny quotes from a variety of miscellaneous sports.

To start things off, here are a couple of tennis quotes which made me chuckle...

Remember John Lloyd's advice!

Tennis:

1) "It is vital in a match like this that Chris remembers to breathe."
...John Lloyd.

I would say that was vital in any match!


2) "Every player can serve over 125 miles."
...Roger Federer.

Wow! 125 miles? That's a very far serve!

Amusing car registration numbers

Regular readers of the Charles Fudgemuffin blog will know that I generally like to cover silly and light-hearted subjects. You may therefore be surprised to learn that this week I plan to take a look at car registration numbers.

Admittedly, at first glance, car registration numbers may appear to be not at all silly and in fact quite a sensible subject. However, all of this week's car registration numbers have a silly theme to them!

1) Good boy!

This dog is so well trained that it even does what the car tells him...

1EARUP

"One ear up. Good boy!"

Funny things kids say (part 11)

It's been over a year since my last round-up of amusing comments by children, but the wait is finally over! That's because this week the Charles Fudgemuffin features another long overdue batch of funny things that kids say.

Cabbages.
Surely the dream of all those who aspire to be rich.

1) Vegetables are a girl's best friend

To start things off, here's an interview from an amusing old TV show:

Interviewer: "What would you buy if you were rich?"
Kid: "Cabbages! And lettuce, and carrots."

I have to admit, cabbages aren't the first thing I'd buy if I came into money, but each to their own.

2) The voice of experience?

"Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick."
...Lauren, 9.

I can't help wondering, was she talking from personal experience?

Funny football quotes (part 15)

A new season of the Premier League gets under way this weekend, and it's become something of a tradition on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog to mark the occasion with another collection of funny football quotes.

"The perfect penalty."

1) "That was the perfect penalty, apart from he missed it."
…Rob McCaffrey



2) "Ireland will give 99% … everything they've got!"
…Mark Lawrenson



3) "And Ritchie has now scored 11 goals, exactly double the number he scored last season."
…Alan Parry

Ritchie improves on the five and a half goals he scored last season.

Things that unintentionally made me laugh (part 4)

I have a weird sense of humour, so from time to time on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, I like to highlight things that weren't meant to be funny, but which nevertheless appealed to my weird sense of humour.

Here are a few more things that unintentionally made me laugh...

1) Realistic Dinosaurs

First up, here's a video on YouTube which features dinosaur sounds. What made me laugh, was that it asks you to listen to the dinosaur sounds, and then rate how realistic they sound!

"Wow! That triceratops roar sounded just like the triceratops I heard in the park this morning."

Unless there are some extremely old people using YouTube, then I suspect rating dinosaur sounds for realism may prove a little tricky.

Funny menus (part 2)

It's been a while since I last featured amusing menus on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, but this week the wait is finally over!

To start things off, here's a Chinese menu where I suspect the original meaning has been slightly lost in translation...

1) Traditional Chinese food

On a Chinese menu, you might expect to find typical Chinese dishes such as wonton soup, rice balls and, er ... 'reclamation of a wasteland by an army unit."

With some unusual translations you can kind of work out what they were trying to say, but in this case I have absolutely no idea!

Funny supermarket photos (part 3)

If our incompetent Western governments continue the way they are going, doing all they can to disrupt the food supply chain, then in a few months' time we may well have food shortages, and our supermarkets may have empty shelves.

So, while we still can, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog pays another visit to the supermarket!

1) Back to school

Presumably, this first supermarket display must be aimed at schools based in London or Chicago?

"Back to school."

Bonus joke: