Funny things kids say (part 9)

According to the saying, "Kids say the funniest things," so as has become quite a habit on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, here's another collection of funny things kids say taken from the internet and real life...

"You could reach it if you weren't so nearly tall."

1) Height is in the eye of the beholder

To start things off, here's a unique perspective from my cousin's 3 year old daughter...

Grandad: "You're short."
3 year old: "No, I'm not short. I'm nearly tall."

She's definitely a 'glass half full' kind of person!

2) Library larcenists

If you don't follow @XplodingUnicorn on twitter, then you're missing out on amusing tweets like this one from a trip to the library...

5 year old: "How much does this book cost?"
Me: "It's free."
5 year old: "Are we stealing?"

3) Smart kid

This is one smart kid...

"How do you know your number is less than 40?"
"Because I am smart!"

I like the fact that the teacher saw the funny side and added the comment, "I love it!"

4) Teenage mutant ninja doctors

This next kid hasn't quite grasped yet how careers work...

“Some doctors are burglars, and some doctors are ninjas, right Dad?” - my four year old.

@SethDillon

Imagine a careers advisor coming to school and being told by a kid, "I want to be a ninja doctor when I leave school." Although I suppose that's better than wanting to be a burglar doctor!

5) Age is just a number (part 1)

Wow! Those books are as old as Bob!

A friend on facebook recently celebrated his 40th birthday and received the following message...

"Happy birthday, Bob! I told Johnny it was a special one and he asked if you were 100."

In a way, I can sort of relate to this one, because when you're young it's hard to fully grasp the concept of getting old, and when I was young I kind of just assumed that old people had been old forever. Similar to the way that I assumed that I would be young forever.

6) Age is just a number (part 2)

My cousin was in a shop with her three year old daughter and the shop assistant asked her to guess how old she was. Amusingly, my cousin's daughter guessed that the shop assistant was four!

It turned out she was quite close and the shop assistant was actually five. #NotReally

7) No-one like you

Here's another one from twitter that made me laugh...

"My daughter has just asked me why my cup says, 'Daddy, you're no one.'"

"Daddy, you're no-one."

Perhaps for clarity the cup designers should have written, "Daddy, you're number one."

8) Jumbled words

I suppose this is one way of looking at literature...

"You know, once you read the dictionary all other books are just remixes."

@mang_nathan

He's got a point, you know.

9) Sweets and gorgeousness

I suspect this is one answer that Henry's mother wasn't expecting...

Me: "Henry, you’re so gorgeous. Where do you get that gorgeousness from?"
Henry: "I got it from daddy."
Me: "What do you get from mummy then?"
Henry: "Sweets."

@TheKellyAnne

To be fair, when I was a kid I would have definitely preferred sweets over gorgeousness!

10) Unusual shopping list

If this was a gif, the cat would be shaking its head.

Finally, here's a conversation I overheard when I was at my local supermarket...

Young kid: "Mam, can we get some cat food and dog food?"
Mam: "No."
Young kid: "Aww ... why not?"
Mam: "Because we haven't got a cat or a dog."

I love the random way that kids' brains works. I mean, why would you let the fact that you haven't got a cat or a dog stop you from buying cat food or dog food!?

You can find more nuggets of wisdom from kids in my previous blog posts:
Funny things kids say (part 6)
Funny things kids say (part 7)
Funny things kids say (part 8)