Silly job titles (part 4)

Editor: "Charles, it's not silly jobs. It's silly job titles."
Charles: "Oops!"

There's an old joke which goes...

'I used to be a rubbish collector, but now I'm pretty good at it.'

Or for the benefit of any American readers, 'I used to be a garbage collector, but now I'm pretty good at it.'

However, thanks to the modern trend of inventing stupid pretentious names for jobs, nowadays the joke would go...

'I used to be a sanitation engineer, but now I'm pretty good at it.'

Not quite as funny if you ask me. Well, not unless you're into bizarre jokes which don't make sense.

Anyway, this week on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I'm once again highlighting pretentious modern job titles in the form of a quiz. Have a look at the following jobs, and see if you can work out what jobs they actually refer to.

Silly job titles (part 3)

"Would you like me to facilitate ketchup
on your mobile sustenance?"

I've mentioned before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog that modern society seems to have an increasing obsession for replacing straight forward traditional job titles with fancy long-winded descriptions.

I was reminded of this the other morning when I noticed a van parked outside our neighbours' house with the slogan...

'Height Safety Solutions'

Or in other words...

'Scaffolding'

On the face of it, 'height safety solutions' would seem a logical, if unnecessarily wordy, way to describe scaffolding.  However, surely the safest way to achieve height safety is to stay on the ground!

Anyway, once again it's time for another quiz based on confusing job titles, so see if you can guess what jobs the following list of jargon actually refers to. To start you off, the first job title may be familiar*...

Silly job titles (part 2)

A cover up?
Or 'Responsible discretion in the national interest..."

One of my favourite examples of official mumbo jumbo jargon, was in an old episode of the classic sitcom 'Yes, Prime Minister' when Sir Humphrey Appleby was describing a cover up. However, being a stereotypical civil servant, he didn't simply call it a cover up, and instead he referred to it as:

"Reponsible discretion exercised in the national interest to prevent unnecessary disclosure of eminently justifiable procedures in which untimely revelation would severely impair public confidence."

Or to put it simply ... a cover up!

More recently, the practise of using long winded mumbo jumbo to describe simple terms seems to have spread to the naming of job titles, and I featured a few of these silly job titles in a previous blog post.

Silly job titles

Do you call a spade a spade, or a 'soil relocation device'?

A 'soil relocation device', more commonly known as a spade.

As I was leaving the house the other morning a van drove by with the words 'Fluid Transferral Systems' emblazoned across its side. At first I was baffled as to what this actually meant, until at the bottom of the display in small letters I noticed the simple explanation...

'Hoses'

In this day and age there seems to be an ever increasing popularity to invent stupid complicated ways of describing things, especially when it comes to job titles.

So on that theme I thought I would compose a quiz based on some of the long-winded job titles that companies and organisations have used to describe jobs which are traditionally known by a more simple description.

All of the following are real job titles that some daft PR people have come up with. With some of them, by deciphering the jargon you can probably work out what the actual real normal job title is, but in some cases, especially with the last example, even when you see the answer you'll think, "Eh? Which fool came up with that daft job name?"

See how many you can work out, and to start you off, the first job is based on the already mentioned van slogan. You'll find the answers at the bottom of the quiz...