Saturday, 1 April 2017

Silly Job Titles (Part 3)

"Would you like me to facilitate ketchup
on your mobile sustenance?"
I've mentioned before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog that modern society seems to have an increasing obsession for replacing straight forward traditional job titles with fancy long-winded descriptions.

I was reminded of this the other morning when I noticed a van parked outside our neighbours' house with the slogan...

'Height Safety Solutions'

Or in other words...


On the face of it, 'height safety solutions' would seem a logical, if unnecessarily wordy, way to describe scaffolding.  However, surely the safest way to achieve height safety is to stay on the ground!

Anyway, once again it's time for another quiz based on confusing job titles, so see if you can guess what jobs the following list of jargon actually refers to.  To start you off, the first job title may be familiar*...

* Unless you're a goldfish.

1) Height Safety Solutions Design Engineer

2) Mobile Sustenance Facilitator

3) Mass Production Engineer

4) Internal Communications Co-Ordinator

"Whose turn is it to use their 'gastronomical
hygiene techniques' on the dishes?
5) Gastronomical Hygiene Technician

6) Co-Ordinator Of Interpretive Teaching

7) Wet Leisure Assistant

8) Worldwide Asset Financial Analyst

9) Sanitation Consultant

And finally, one lady on a TV quiz show described herself as a...

10) Domestic Technician

Scroll down the page for the answers...


1) Height Safety Solutions Design Engineer - Scaffolding Worker

"Hi, I'm looking for a height safety solution, please."
"Certainly. Just stay on the ground. That will be £500, thanks."

2) Mobile Sustenance Facilitator – Burger Van Worker

3) Mass Production Engineer – Factory Worker

4) Internal Communications Co-Ordinator - Person who hands out the faxes

For hygiene reasons, it's recommended that you
sanitationally consult your toilet at least once a week.
5) Gastronomical Hygiene Technician - Dish Washer

6) Co-Ordinator Of Interpretive Teaching - Museum Tour Guide

7) Wet Leisure Assistant - Lifeguard

8) Worldwide Asset Financial Analyst - Accountant

9) Sanitation Consultant – Toilet Cleaner

10) Domestic Technician – Housewife.

Or number 10 could also refer to a househusband.  Not if you were referring to the woman on the quiz show though, because she wasn't a househusband.  She was a housewife.

Well actually, no, she wasn't.  She was a domestic technician!

You can find even more silly job titles below:
Silly Job Titles (Part 1)
Silly Job Titles (Part 2)

And you can find silly jobs below.  Caution: May not be real jobs.
Graffiti Artist Humiliation Officer
Reputation Attenuator

* The term 'may not be' should be taken to mean 'definitely aren't'.

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About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.