Silly job titles

Do you call a spade a spade, or a 'soil relocation device'?

A 'soil relocation device', more commonly known as a spade.

As I was leaving the house the other morning a van drove by with the words 'Fluid Transferral Systems' emblazoned across its side. At first I was baffled as to what this actually meant, until at the bottom of the display in small letters I noticed the simple explanation...

'Hoses'

In this day and age there seems to be an ever increasing popularity to invent stupid complicated ways of describing things, especially when it comes to job titles.

So on that theme I thought I would compose a quiz based on some of the long-winded job titles that companies and organisations have used to describe jobs which are traditionally known by a more simple description.

All of the following are real job titles that some daft PR people have come up with. With some of them, by deciphering the jargon you can probably work out what the actual real normal job title is, but in some cases, especially with the last example, even when you see the answer you'll think, "Eh? Which fool came up with that daft job name?"

See how many you can work out, and to start you off, the first job is based on the already mentioned van slogan. You'll find the answers at the bottom of the quiz...

Silly Job Titles:

1) Fluid Transferral Systems Operative

2) Waste Management Technician

3) Media Distribution Officer

4) Petroleum Transfer Engineer

5) Welcoming Agent And Telephone Intermediary

6) Transparency Enhancement Facilitator

7) Education Nourishment Consultant

8) Vertical Transport Engineer

9) Customer Experience Enhancement Consultant

10) Modality Manager

Scroll down the page for the answers...










Answers:

Waste management units discuss the economy.

1) Fluid Transferral Systems Operative - Hose User

2) Waste Management Technician - Binman

3) Media Distribution Officer - Paperboy

4) Petroleum Transfer Engineer - Petrol Station Attendant

5) Welcoming Agent And Telephone Intermediary - Receptionist

6) Transparency Enhancement Facilitator - Window Cleaner

7) Education Nourishment Consultant - School Dinner Lady

8) Vertical Transport Engineer - Lift Engineer

9) Customer Experience Enhancement Consultant - Shop Assistant

10) Modality Manager - Nurse/Ward Sister


In some cases perhaps these weird new titles were introduced to try to be more politically correct, but overall I think the main reason these job titles were introduced is because the people who thought of them were idiots.*

* Please note, if any 'Stupid Job Title Creation Consultants' are reading this then no offence is intended for the very valuable work that you do. Or maybe that should read for the 'exceptionally high merit operational duties that you facilitate.'

That's it for now, but there are many more silly job titles, so I'll probably have a follow-up post at some point in the future, focusing once again on the increasingly frequent practise of calling a spade a soil relocation device.

. . . . . . . .

The 'Written Linguistics Co-Ordinator' (or author) of this article was Charles Fudgemuffin. Charles is the author of the critically acclaimed 'Remember to put the waste management units out' note. Other works by Charles include 'The Quiz Master' which is available for kindle from Amazon.

Or for the benefit of anyone who hasn't switched over to ebooks yet, you can also download the book in paperback format:
Download the paperback