Sunday, 28 December 2014

For Sale: Self Assembly Snowman

In search of a little extra cash over the Christmas season...


At this time of year there always seem to be a lot of financial obligations which place a burden on your wallet.  To help my fiscal situation I've therefore decided to sell a few items around the house which I personally have no use for, and with that in mind I've created a few adverts.

First up on my list of things for sale is this self assembly snowman...

iPhone 4 (640x960)


Sunday, 21 December 2014

10 Santa And Christmas Jokes

A few festive riddles for Christmas.


Santa taking a quick break from his festive
responsibilities to pose for a photo.
Santa is perhaps regarded by many people as an old fashioned figure who likes to uphold traditions.  However, in actual fact Santa likes to think of himself as a hip and streetwise dude in touch with all the latest trends.

In fact on his journey around the world on Christmas Eve, Santa is planning to stop at every house to take a selfie.  This may add some time to his journey, so kids are therefore asked to show some patience if Santa is a few hours late with their presents.  Rest assured that he will arrive eventually.

As well as being hip and up-to-date, Santa is also famous for his catchphrase, "Ho! Ho! Ho!", so he obviously enjoys a laugh and has a good sense of humour.   So to celebrate the festive period here are a few Santa and Christmas themed jokes.  Be warned though, that most of these puns are very cheesy and are aimed at a younger audience.

1) What did Santa suffer from when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claustrophobia.

2) What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!

Sunday, 14 December 2014

Three Christmas Gift Ideas For The Shopper With More Money Than Sense!

Unique And Creative Gift Ideas For Christmas


There are now only 11 shopping days until Christmas, so if you're looking for an interesting and unique gift for a friend, or even for yourself, then here are a few ideas which are ideal for anyone with more money than sense...

1)  Sign up to the Time Travel fund!


Time travellers from the future, pictured tomorrow.
If you're looking for an exciting gift for the friend that has everything, then here's something they probably don't have.  The chance to travel to the future!

The Time Travel Fund is a website where you pay ten dollars to register your details on the time travel database.  Then once people from the future discover the secret of time travel, they will then refer to this database and come back in time to get you, so they can then transport you to the future!  Wow!  What a brilliant present!  And I'm sure that people from the future will definitely refer to this time travel database once they inevitably discover the secret of time travel.

As if the chance to travel to the future wasn't enough, you also get a signed certificate on acid free paper which you can mount on your wall.  People from the future can then use this certificate for verification purposes once they come back in time to get you and transport you to the future.  Pretty amazing value for only ten dollars!
Time Travel Fund Website

Sunday, 7 December 2014

10 Nerd Jokes (Part 3)

Photons, root beer and paradoxical psychologists...


Salt.  One of the ingredients in pun number 2.
I've mentioned before that I'm a fan of nerd related humour, so I therefore reckon it's time for another round-up of nerd jokes.

Apologies to any non-nerds for this overdose of nerdosity, but for fans of nerd jokes here's another batch of nerdish puns and quips...

1) A photon checks into a hotel and the receptionist asks him if he has any luggage.  The photon replies, "No, I'm travelling light."

2) What happened when salt was touched by holy water?
Solvation.

3) How did the nerd make beer?
He put his root beer in a square cup.

Sunday, 30 November 2014

The Fire Skipping Rope - A Compilation Video

No animals were harmed during the making of this video...


A few scenes from the fire skipping rope compilation video shown below.
In the early days of the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I featured a few videos featuring the fire skipping rope which is a popular/risky nightly event with drunken backpackers on the tropical island of Koh Phangan.

The fire skipping rope is also briefly mentioned in my 'How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy' book, so as it's been over a year since my last fire skipping video, I think that means I'm long overdue for another one.  This time I've compiled several of my favourite fire skipping attempts into one compilation video.

The video demonstrates that the fire skipping rope can be quite dangerous, but also entertaining.  Personally though, I'd rather be the one getting entertained, rather than one of those providing the entertainment by drunkenly getting themselves burnt...

Sunday, 23 November 2014

Murray Walker Quotes (Part 1)

A tribute to a formula 1 legend.


"Seb, where would you rank Murray Walker
among formula 1 commentators?"
Today sees the title deciding final Grand Prix of the 2014 formula 1 season, so on the theme of F1 here's a collection of memorable quotes from one of my favourite sports commentators of all time ... the legend, Murray Walker.

1) "There's nothing wrong with the car except that it's on fire."

2) "I can't image what kind of problem Senna has.  I imagine it must be some sort of grip problem."

3) "He's only 19.  That's the same age Eddie Irvine was when he was 19."
...Coincidentally, it's also the same age I was when I was 19.

4) "And Michael Schumacher is actually in a very good position.  He is in last place..."

5) "The lead car is unique, except for the one behind it, which is identical."

Sunday, 16 November 2014

How Not To Write A Helpful Book Review

Three unhelpful but amusing book reviews


A few months ago I offered my opinion on how to write a helpful book review, and as a follow-up I thought it would be interesting to take a look at the flipside of the coin, namely how not to write a helpful book review.  So to illustrate some of the pitfalls to avoid, here are a selection of poorly written book reviews found on Amazon...

1) The Works Of Edgar Allen Poe (Volume 4) by Edgar Allen Poe


"Many tourists visit Egypt every year but I couldn't
tell you what it's like because I've never been. 3/5."
...Travel News Magazine (#NotReally)
First up is a book 'review' which highlights perhaps the most important thing of all to consider when writing a book review.  It's a review of The Works Of Edgar Allen Poe (Volume 4), and the review reads:

"I got this because it was free but I have not got around to read it yet.  3/5"

I had to chuckle at the reply that someone has left:

"Thanks - really informative.  It is always useful to read a book review from someone who has not read it."

So my first tip for anyone writing a book review would perhaps be an obvious one.  When writing a book review, always ensure that you have actually read the book before you review it!

Sunday, 9 November 2014

The Broof Pirate: A Childish Facebook Prank

The Broof Pirate, happy to help with all your facebook questions...


Most pirates carry a pirate sword like this one pictured,
but the Broof Pirate instead carries a bottle of Broof.
In the past on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I've featured a few daft childish pranks to play on facebook, and once again I thought I would mention an amusingly childish facebook prank.  Most people will probably find this extremely childish, and also a bit surreal, so it'll only appeal to people who are extremely immature and easily amused, like myself for example.

The prank involves a disguised link which I've created, and the link is www.smarturl.it/InfoPage468.  The 'InfoPage468' reference makes it appear as if it links to some useful information, but in actual fact the link sneakily redirects to the 'Broof Pirate' website which is a ridiculous website featuring a pirate who makes funny 'broof' noises.

To play the prank, just wait until one of your facebook friends posts a question asking for advice, and then post a reply providing an allegedly 'helpful' link.  However, instead of posting a helpful link, you instead post the disguised link to the Broof Pirate.

Here are a few examples based on questions posed on my own facebook feed...

Sunday, 2 November 2014

Free Alien Comedy Ebook!

You can now get the opening 'How To Save The World' book for free, thanks to a Payhip promotion.


The 'How To Save The World' books.
 Available in epub format from Payhip.
A few weeks ago I made my alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books available from my Payhip sales page, and I also featured a blog post covering the benefits of Payhip as a sales website for indie authors.

One of those benefits is the option to offer your books at whatever price you choose, and as a promotional introductory offer, I've decided to make the first book in the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' series available for free!

* For UK readers that works out at £0.00, or for US readers it works out at $0.00 (based on today's exchange rate).

The ebook download is available in three formats; mobi (Kindle, Kindle app), azw3 (Kindle Fire) and epub, and you get to choose your preferred format during the download process.  Click the link below to go to the download page:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy - Free Download

To further promote this introductory offer, I thought I would feature a few selected quotes from reviews of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which brought a smile to my face...

Sunday, 26 October 2014

True Or False: A New Book From Charles Fudgemuffin?

True!


True Or False:
A Collection Of 100 Light-Hearted Facts And Bluffs
It's been around a year now since I published the last of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books, and after writing a story which spanned six books and approximately two thousand pages, I initially felt like I needed to recharge my batteries before writing my next novel. 

I have since started writing my next novel, but it may be quite a few months before it's ready for publication, so as a diversion until then, I've also written a non-fiction book.

Well ... it's sort of non-fiction.  I suppose you could more accurately describe it as half non-fiction and half fiction, as my new book is entitled 'True Or False: A Collection Of 100 Light-Hearted Facts And Bluffs'.  As the name suggests, it's a collection of 'facts' some of which are true, and others of which are nothing more than devious bluffery.

The book is a change of direction from the 'How To Save The World' books, and features a writing style closer to what you would find on this blog.  To give you a flavour of what to expect, this is the first true or false 'fact' featured in the book...

Sunday, 19 October 2014

Five Stupid Sayings (Part 2)

Five more English expressions which may seem a little weird to foreign speakers...


A few months ago I highlighted a few weird English sayings which seem perfectly normal to me as an English person, but when you analyse them they perhaps might seem strange to speakers of other languages.  Here's another collection of unusual words and expressions found in the English language...

1) "Egg and soldiers."


Soldiers and soldiers.  Can you spot the difference?
On my latest travels I met an English girl and a French girl, and one day the English girl ordered 'egg and soldiers' for breakfast.  The French girl responded with a blank look and questioned what 'soldiers' were, so the English girl then explained that the toast was cut into 'soldiers'.  The French girl quite sensibly asked why we called them soldiers and the English girl replied, "Because they look like soldiers."  However, when you think about it they look nothing like soldiers.  They look like rectangular pieces of toast.

If you look at the side by side comparison pictured in the photo, I'm sure you'll agree that there's very little resembance at all.

Sunday, 12 October 2014

Payhip: A Handy Sales Website For Indie Authors

A review of the benefits of Payhip.


The 'How To Save The World' books,
now available in epub format from Payhip.
For the first couple of years on sale, my alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books were available exclusively from Amazon.  I had always planned to make them available from other ebook stores, but somehow I never got around to it.

However, earlier this year amazon.com were four months late in paying me my royalties, and their disinterested and tardy attitude to resolving this late payment finally prompted me into action.  As a result, all six books in the 'How To Save The World' series are now available in epub format from my Payhip sales page.

My experience with Payhip so far has been very positive, so I thought I would write a blog post on the benefits of self-publishing with Payhip for any indie authors currently considering expanding the number of sales channels where readers can buy their books.

Here are some of the advantages of Payhip:

Sunday, 5 October 2014

Yet More Signs From Around The World

Another batch of noteworthy signs...


As the title suggests, this post is a follow up to my previous posts entitled Signs From Around The World, More Signs From Around The World and Even More Signs From Around The World’ and features yet more photos of signs from around the world.

I'll start things off with a sign found in the window of a local mobile phone shop which makes a bold and perhaps controversial claim...


1) The perfect anniversary gift!


If you're a husband who is searching for a romantic special gift for
your wife for a memorable event such as an important wedding anniversary or birthday, then I've got the perfect suggestion.  What could be more romantic than...

...getting your wife's mobile phone unlocked!?

Mobile phone unlocking...  The perfect romantic gift for a 25th wedding anniversary.

After all, as the sign says, "The perfect gift for any occasion!"  I'm sure a wife celebrating her 25th wedding anniversary would be absolutely delighted with such a romantic gift!


Sunday, 28 September 2014

Everything Will Be Okay In The End

...If it's not okay, it's not the end.


"Everything will be okay in the end.  If it's not okay, it's not the end."
iPhone 6 wallpaper (1334x750)
Anyone who has read my alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books may remember that at one stage in the opening book, the main character, Eric, was feeling downhearted with his lack of success in his quest to save the world.  However, Eric then took inspiration from a quote on one of his t-shirts and that quote was:

"Everything will be okay in the end.  If it's not okay, it's not the end."

In actual fact one of my own old t-shirts also features the very same quote, and it's a quote that I really like, so as last week saw the release of the latest iPhone 6 from Apple, I therefore thought it would be topical to turn the quote into an iPhone wallpaper.

Sunday, 21 September 2014

Duck And Cover!

A look at the past in honour of World Peace Day.


Today is officially World Peace Day (or International Day Of Peace as it's also known) and sometimes the best way to ensure peace is to look at the mistakes of history and remind ourselves of the horrors of war.

So with that in mind, here's a short comic from the 1950s which was produced by the US government to warn citizens how to react if an atomic bomb goes off in their vicinity...


Bert the Turtle says, "Duck and cover!"

Sunday, 14 September 2014

Ten Quotes About Aliens And Ufos

Are we alone in the universe?


The Earth's moon, coincidentally also named 'The Moon'.
Just one of billions of moons and planets throughout the universe.
As regular readers of the Charles Fudgemuffin blog will know, my comedy 'How To Save The World' books feature aliens from the fictional planets Fem and Fyra.

The books are very light-hearted and entirely fictional, but when you consider that the observable universe contains an estimated 100 to 200 billion galaxies, each with an average 100 billion stars, you have to suspect that's there's at least a chance that we're not alone in the universe.

I personally find books and documentaries on space and the universe really fascinating, so it's interesting to read what famous people have said about aliens and UFOs...

1) NASA astronaut, Gordon Cooper:


"While working with a camera crew supervising flight testing of advanced aircraft at Edward's Air Force Base, California, the camera crew filmed the landing of a strange disc object that flew in over their heads and landed on a dry lake nearby.  A camera crewman approached the saucer, it rose up above the area and flew off at a speed faster than any known aircraft."


2) Will Smith:


"I think it would be arrogant and borderline foolish to believe there's no other life forms that exist out there."

Sunday, 7 September 2014

Weird Facebook Likes (Part 4)

Physical, financial and culinary bad news...


A topic I've covered before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog is the bizarre practise of someone posting bad news on facebook, only for all their so-called friends to click the 'like' button!  It's been a few months since my last post on this subject, so here's another batch of weird and inappropriate facebook likes which I've come across.

"I've just slashed my finger with a meat cleaver."
1 friend likes this.
1) "Searching around my kitchen draw for some sellotape and......yes a verrrrry sharp meat cleaver....now that smarts!!!!!"
1 friend likes this.


Maybe it's just me, but I can't quite grasp why your friend nearly slicing his finger off would be something you would like?!?


This next one is an example of financial misfortune, rather than physical misfortune...

2) "Can't believe I've walked away from the cash machine and left my £100!  What an idiot!!!"
4 friends like this.

So to recap, in all probability you've just lost £100 at an ATM because of a foolish error, and four of your alleged friends like this!!??  If I had just lost £100 and four friends 'liked' it, I think I would be making use of the 'unfriend' button very quickly indeed!

Sunday, 31 August 2014

Book Reviews (Part 8)

More reviews of books and short stories...


Most of the books I've read over the last few months have been by my favourite authors, but I've also sampled a few authors who are new to my reading list.  Here's another selection of book reviews from some of the books and short stories I've recently been reading.

I, Partridge by Alan Partridge
I, Partridge - We Need To Talk About Alan by Alan Partridge - 5.0 / 5.0

One of the first reviews I read of 'I, Partridge' called it, "The funniest book of the year, and possibly all time," and I would have to agree.  Even if you had never heard of Alan Partridge before or never seen any of his shows, this would still be a hilarious book with several laugh out loud moments on every page.  If you're already an Alan Partridge fan, then some of the chapters where he describes events already seen on his TV shows are especially amusing, particularly when Alan recalls certain events through his rose-tinted memories and portrays himself in a favourable, often heroic, light when the reality was somewhat different.

If you want to read some more review quotes about I, Partridge, the you can find them in this early promotional video I made for 'How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy':
"The funniest book of the year, and possibly all time."

Sunday, 24 August 2014

A Contender For The Most Unexpected Question Ever...

Another random and surprising question.


A volcano erupting, pictured yesterday.
A while back on this blog I featured a contender for one of the most stupid questions of all time, and I recently encountered another totally random and bizarre, and completely unexpected question.

I'd been away travelling for a few months so on my return to the UK I registered at the local employment office and was asked to complete a survey regarding my search for a job.

The first few questions were typical normal questions that you would expect to be asked, such as:

1) "What is your name?"

"Charles Fudgemuffin" *

* Of course as this was an official and serious government questionnaire, I didn't put Charles Fudgemuffin on the form.  I instead used my real name, which for the benefit of anyone who's interested is Henry Flangechomper.

2) "What qualifications do you have?"
"I am the writer of the critically acclaimed 'Remember to put the bins out' note."

3) "Have you applied for any jobs since returning to the UK?"
"Yes, I have applied for the posts of Graffiti Artist Humiliation Officer and Reputation Attenuator."

As you can see it was all fairly straight forward so far, but then suddenly from nowhere came the most randomly unexpected question ever...

Sunday, 17 August 2014

Funny Football Quotes (Part 5)

Amusing comments from players, managers and commentators.


Football, the inspiration for numerous silly quotes.
A new season of the Premiership starts this weekend, and at the start of each new football season I traditionally feature a round-up of funny football quotes, so here's another batch of amusing quotes from footballers, managers and commentators that made me chuckle...

1) "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."
...Commentator David Acfield.  Yes, slow motion tends to do that, David.

2) "I'm going to make a prediction...  It could go either way."
...Ron Atkinson sticks his neck out.

3) "Don't tell those coming in the final result of that fantastic match, but let's just have another look at Italy's winning goal."
...David Coleman cleverly avoids spoiling the match for viewers who haven't yet seen the result.

Sunday, 10 August 2014

10 Cool Swedish Words And Expressions (Part 3)

Green carrots, dancing trains and breast warts...


All praise to the greatness.
Two posts on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog which get a lot of hits are my 10 Cool Swedish Words And Expressions and its follow-up post 10 More Cool Swedish Words And Expressions.  They say you should listen to your audience, so with that in mind here are ten more of my favourite Swedish words and expressions...

1) Breast warts

If someone refers to their bröstvårta, or breast warts, don't worry, they haven't been struck down with some Biblical contagious disease.  In Swedish, breast warts are nipples.  Perhaps not quite as appealing when they're described as breast warts, although admittedly still quite appealing.


2) Beards and cookies

An interesting Swedish expression is the phrase, 'Skägget i brevlådan,' which means to be caught with your beard in the letterbox, and is the equivalent of the American saying, to be 'caught with your hands in the cookie jar'.  If you took the two sayings at face value then you might perhaps conclude that Americans are more likely to be greedy whereas Swedish people are more likely to be snoops.  However, my experience of American and Swedish people wouldn't back that up at all, and I haven't met a great number of Swedish people with beards either, so I'm not quite sure where the inspiration behind this saying came from.

Sunday, 3 August 2014

Silly Job Titles

Do you call a spade a spade, or a 'soil relocation device'?


A 'soil relocation device', more commonly known as a spade.
As I was leaving the house the other morning a van drove by with the words 'Fluid Transferral Systems' emblazoned across its side.  At first I was baffled as to what this actually meant, until at the bottom of the display in small letters I noticed the simple explanation...

'Hoses'

In this day and age there seems to be an ever increasing popularity to invent stupid complicated ways of describing things, especially when it comes to job titles.

So on that theme I thought I would compose a quiz based on some of the long-winded job titles that companies and organisations have used to describe jobs which are traditionally known by a more simple description.

All of the following are real job titles that some daft PR people have come up with.  With some of them, by deciphering the jargon you can probably work out what the actual real normal job title is, but in some cases, especially with the last example, even when you see the answer you'll think, "Eh?  Which fool came up with that daft job name?"

See how many you can work out, and to start you off, the first job is based on the already mentioned van slogan.  You'll find the answers at the bottom of the quiz...

Sunday, 27 July 2014

How To Write A Helpful Book Review

The Key Point That All Good Reviewers Are Aware Of


"...slow acoustic piano rubbish. 5/5"  A helpful review.
In the music press, when someone writes a negative review which proves unpopular with fans of the band, the reviewer will often defend their review by claiming that a review is just one person's opinion.

On the face of it, this seems fair enough, but what all reviewers need to realise is that no-one actually cares whether the reviewer enjoyed the book, movie or album, etc.  When I read a review all I care about is 'will I enjoy this book?'

To give an example, I remember a few years ago a favourite artist of mine released a new single which I hadn't yet heard, and I therefore asked my mate for his opinion on the song.  His reply was something along the lines of, "It's that slow acoustic piano rubbish...  You'll love it!"

It probably sounds as if he was being quite cheeky, but that wasn't his intention at all.  He simply understood the concept of a good review.  I wasn't interested in whether or not my mate enjoyed the song.  I just wanted to know whether I'd enjoy it.  And so my mate reviewed the song with that in mind and explained that it was that 'slow acoustic piano rubbish' which I happen to love.

Sunday, 20 July 2014

Bang Out Of Order!

The other day I discovered some graffiti on my car...


Bang out of order!
iPhone 4 version (640x960)
It's been a few months since I last designed an iPhone wallpaper, and as my last one was uncharacteristically serious and sensible, this time I decided to return to my usual daft self and feature a more typically stupid wallpaper.

It's based on a daft joke which is a play on words, and as usual it's available in two sizes; 640x1136 for the iPhone5 and 640x960 for the iPhone4.

Just to clarify the joke, the punchline has a double meaning because of course spray painting someone's car is extremely out of order, but also the letters 'abng' are 'bang' out of order.

And as a further clarification, of course in reality no-one had spray painted any letters on the car (it's not even my car!) and it's just a photoshopped photo.  I might be weird, but I'm not so weird that if someone painted graffiti on my car my reaction would be, "Great, I'll take a photo and make a wallpaper out of it!"

As I say it's not even my car (it's way out of my price range) and it's actually my cousin's former car, so thanks to my cousin for providing the prop.

Sunday, 13 July 2014

Five Stupid Sayings

English expressions which may seem a little strange to foreign speakers...


Sshhh!!  Don't wake the baby.
Previously on this blog I've highlighted some of the sayings and expressions in other languages (such as Swedish and Korean) which may seem a little weird to English speakers, but once you analyse them they make perfect sense.

This week I'm going to take a look at a few English sayings, but unlike the logical Swedish and Korean expressions, the following English expressions don't really make much sense at all...

1) "I slept like a baby."


Rather bizarrely, this expression is used to indicate that you had a relaxing night's sleep.  However, from most of the parents I've spoken to, 'sleeping like a baby' would more accurately suggest that you woke up every couple of hours crying your eyes out for no apparent reason.

Sunday, 6 July 2014

10 More Funny Quiz Show Answers (Part 2)

More silly quiz answers from contestants who spoke before switching on their brain...


It's been a few months since I featured a selection of funny quiz show answers on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog (including one from a contestant who reckoned the 'Six Day War' lasted for fourteen days), so here's another batch of silly quiz show answers from contestants who failed to engage their brain in gear before opening their mouths.

A car with two wheels...
(more commonly known as a motorbike).
Once again, all of the following are genuine answers from contestants who appeared on TV and radio shows over the years, and this next batch of geniuses includes experts at spelling, biology and basic arithmetic, as well as someone you definitely wouldn't want to share a lift with...

1) Presenter:  Name an occupation beginning with T.
Contestant:  Doctor.
Presenter:  No, it's T.  T for Tommy.  T for tango.
Contestant:  Oh.  (Pause).  Doctor?

2) Name something your car can have two of.
Answer:  Wheels

Sunday, 29 June 2014

If You Can Dream It, You Can Do It

When technology becomes indistinguishable from magic.


"The only limitation is your imagination."
A few weeks ago I featured a few t-shirts featuring cool quotes, and one of the t-shirts included this cool quote from Walt Disney...

"If you can dream it, you can do it."

However, not everyone follows the above philosophy, and even scientific geniuses have occasionally got it wrong due to an inability to dream big.

Here are a few examples of scientific doubters (some of them geniuses) who suffered from 'That's impossible!' syndrome, only to ultimately be made to look a bit foolish when science proved them wrong...

Sunday, 22 June 2014

Book Reviews (Part 7)

Another batch of book reviews.


It's time for another round up of some of the books and short stories which I've recently been reading...

Incidents In The Life Of A Slave Girl by Harriet Jacobs
Incidents In The Life Of A Slave Girl by Herself - 4.8 / 5.0

If you've ever felt fed up with some trivial part of your life then read this book and it'll help to put things back into perspective, and make you realise how lucky we are to live with the freedoms we take for granted.  At times it was heart-breaking to read about the inhumane horrors that went on, and the evils and blind hypocrisy of society in centuries gone by, but this is also a story of hope, and as well as describing the evil of slavery it also recounts Harriet Jacobs' quest for freedom (written using the pen-name Linda Brent).  I'm not usually a fan of historical books, but it was a very humbling experience to read Incidents In The Life Of A Slave Girl, and this is a book which stays on your mind long after you finish reading it.  As it's out of copyright you can download it for free from Amazon for Kindle, so there's nothing to lose by giving it a try.

Sunday, 15 June 2014

Pranks On Facebook and Twitter

A few examples of how to prank people on social media...


As I've mentioned before on my blog I'm a big fan of pranks, but the prank has to be good natured otherwise it ceases to be a funny prank and instead becomes a sly trick.  So with that in mind, here's another 'funny prank or sly trick' post, but this time featuring pranks and tricks with a facebook and twitter theme...

1) My breath smells of farts!


Like this photo if you have camel breath.
This first example is a funny trick you can play on facebook which will make your friends feel a bit embarrassed.  First of all post a status which is happy news or a positive comment or basically something which is likely to get as many likes as possible from your friends.

Then once a load of friends have liked your status, edit your status to say something completely different, such as:

"Like this status if your breath smells of farts!"

So then it will appear as if all the friends who liked your original comment have clicked 'like' to indicate that their breath smells of farts.

If you don't want to post something childish like this on your own facebook page then you can also do the same trick by replying to someone else's status with a comment which is designed to get lots of likes, and then later editing your comment to something embarrassing.

Funny prank or sly trick?

Sunday, 8 June 2014

How Seriously Do UEFA Treat The Issue Of Racism In Football?

Let's Kick Common Sense Out Of Football...


The beautiful game, but it's not without its faults.
It's time for a football themed blog post this week, but instead of my usual round-up of funny football quotes from players and managers, I've decided instead to look at a serious question.

That question is, 'How seriously does UEFA treat the issue of racism in football?'  It's tricky to specifically quantify something like that, so the most obvious way to measure how seriously certain issues are taken by UEFA is to compare the punishments that UEFA have handed out for various 'misdemeanours', and then see how the fines compare.

So here are a few examples of fines handed out by UEFA for various crimes...

Sunday, 1 June 2014

Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought...

If you enjoyed Charles Fudgemuffin then we recommend ... Charles Dickens?


As an author and a reader, a useful tool on Amazon's website is their 'Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought...' feature.  It's primarily designed to help readers find similar books which they might also like, but as an author it's interesting to see what sort of books your readers are interested in.

However, some of the suggestions aren't always what you would expect, and some of the unexpected results I've found include my fourth book, Hopes And Dreams, apparently appealing to the same target audience as Charles Dickens!  To be specific, A Tale Of Two Cities, David Copperfield and Oliver Twist were apparently all bought by the same readers as Hopes And Dreams.

Charles Dickens appeals to a similar target audience as Charles Fudgemuffin, apparently.

Sunday, 25 May 2014

Funny Pranks: Rickrolling

One of the biggest worldwide internet pranks...


An inflated balloon which I'm never gonna let down.
A few weeks ago I briefly mentioned the 'Rickrolling' phenomenon which for anyone who doesn't know, is the art of posting a link to a seemingly relevant subject, only to instead sneakily redirect the user to the video for Rick Astley's 'Never Gonna Give You Up'.

I have to admit, I'm not really a massive fan of Rick Astley's music, but I am a fan of foolish japery, so the idea of someone clicking on a link expecting to find information about a serious subject, only to instead be shown a cheesy video of Rick Astley singing 'Never Gonna Give You Up' appeals to my weird sense of humour.  It also apparently appeals to Rick Astley, as he has called the Rickrolling phenomenon 'bizarre and funny'.

Over time, variations on the Rickrolling theme have developed, with ever more elaborate 'Rick Astley' related pranks being sneakily implemented.  Here are a few notable Rickrolling examples...

Sunday, 18 May 2014

How To Make Facebook Even Better!

If you've arrived at this page expecting some sort of quiz, then read on for an explanation...


Facebook is now even better!
6 Mr Men characters like this.
Over the years facebook has gone through many changes.  Sometimes these changes are well received, while other times they don't go down so well.  However, one recent change in particular is so perfect that it's like facebook read my mind.

In fact I remember this time last year thinking, 'Facebook is pretty good now, but what would make it even better is if my timeline was jammed full of updates telling me what Game Of Thrones characters my friends were, what Mr Men/Little Miss character they were, what 70s rock band they were, what actor/actress would play them in the movie version of their life, what celebrity they'd get arrested with and generally many more mundane trivialities in which I have no interest whatsoever.'

And now ... my wish has come true!

It's like facebook read my mind!

Sunday, 11 May 2014

Funny Football Quotes (Part 4)

Yet more amusing football quotes to round off the season...


Another serving of amusing football quotes.
Another season of Premiership football comes to an end today, so as has become traditional by now on my blog, here's another round-up of amusing football quotes from footballers, managers and commentators on the beautiful game...

1) Gary Lineker:  "Steve, I imagine there's mixed emotions at the end of that game."
Steve Clarke:  "I don't think they're mixed emotions.  I'm very very sad for my team, but I'm also immensely proud of the performance."

2) "If you closed your eyes, you couldn't tell the difference between the two sides."
...Phil Brown

3) "I’d been ill and hadn't trained for a week and I’d been out of the team for three weeks before that, so I wasn’t sharp.  I got cramp before half-time as well.  But I’m not one to make excuses..."
...Clinton Morrison

Sunday, 4 May 2014

Star Wars Jokes

May The 4th Be With You...


Darth Maul takes time out of his
busy schedule to pose for a photo.
As today is officially Star Wars Day I thought it would be an appropriate time to round up a few Star Wars jokes.  Most of these are really old so apologies in advance if you have to dust off the cobwebs...

1) Luke Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi are out for a meal at a Chinese restaurant.  Ben notices that Luke is struggling to use his chopsticks, so after a while he finally says, "Use the forks, Luke."


2) Here's one for Star Wars Chemistry nerds...

NaCl
------
NaOH

The base is under a salt!


3) Darth Vader made me some toast but it was a bit on the dark side.

Sunday, 27 April 2014

Do More Of What Makes You Happy

The Wisdom Of The T-Shirt


I've always been a big fan of t-shirts featuring cool quotes, so when I recently went on a shopping spree it was the t-shirts with cool quotes that most caught my eye.  After all, if there's a quote you really like then why not wear it?

These are the t-shirts I eventually bought, with each one featuring a simple yet excellent quote...

1) "Do more of what makes you happy."

"Do more of what make you happy."
by Sphere
When I saw this t-shirt and read the quote I just thought, "That's brilliant!"  It's such a simple and obvious statement, but sometimes even the most simple stuff needs to be pointed out.  On occasions some people try to come up with all sorts of complicated strategies and clever formulas for how to achieve a happy life, but if you had to sum up the secret to happiness in one sentence then you couldn't find a better sentence than this.

I try to do the things that make me happy as often as possible, and it's a brilliantly simple philosophy to live your life by.  However, life can sometimes distract you from even the most simple things, so with this t-shirt now in my wardrobe it should act as a helpful reminder for me to always try to do more of the things which make me happy.

Sunday, 20 April 2014

10 Cool Internet Easter Eggs (Part 4)

Another selection of hidden internet tricks...


An artist's impression of an Easter egg
(non-internet variety).
As it's Easter I figured it would be the ideal time to round-up another selection of weird tricks and novelties (commonly known as Easter eggs) found hidden on various websites.

This latest batch includes Easter eggs inspired by Doctor Who, Star Wars, the end of the world and even myself, Charles Fudgemuffin!  So read on to discover the latest selection of Easter eggs found hidden around the internet...


1) Doctor Who's Tardis spotted on Google Maps


First up is an Easter egg found on Google Maps which Doctor Who fans will appreciate.  If you go to Earls Court Road in London you'll notice a police telephone box which looks suspiciously like the Tardis.  If you hover your mouse over this telephone box and then press the 'up' arrow on your keyboard, you'll be transported inside of the Tardis!

You can find the exact map co-ordinates of the police telephone box at the following link:
Doctor's Who's Tardis spotted on Google Maps

Sunday, 13 April 2014

Book Reviews (Part 6)

More reviews of books and short stories...


I've enjoyed quite a few books and short stories over the past couple of months, so here's another batch of reviews.


The Ants Are Coming by Bruce Bullock

The Ants Are Coming by Bruce Bullock - 4.8 / 5.0

The Ants Are Coming is an excellently written account of an African village where the villagers are forced to evacuate their homes due to the approach of millions of red siafu ants.   I loved this short story and I suspect that anyone with an interest in or appreciation of Africa will also thoroughly enjoy it.  The story is told in a very matter-of-fact way and this style works well as the author expertly describes the horror of nature and the response of the villagers to the oncoming threat of the siafu ants.

Sunday, 6 April 2014

7 April Fools' Day Pranks (2014 Edition)

A few of the spoof stories and pranks found on the web on April Fools' Day.


Last year I rounded up some of the best online pranks played by various websites on April Fool's Day and as you'd expect there were plenty of spoofs this year as well, so here are a few of my favourites...


1) Scientists baffled by square eggs


Traditional 'egg' shaped eggs could become
a thing of the past according to 'April Fuller'.
Freedom Food Farms were reporting that one of their farms had become the first in the world to rear chickens that can lay square eggs!  Egg distribution company Hammond Eggs are already looking into the benefits of the square egg, with an obvious bonus being that eggs will now be easier to stack, and of course the square shape means that making sliced egg sandwiches will be more convenient from now on.

However, eagle eyed viewers may be able to spot a couple of 'April Fool' clues in the promotional video, such as square eggs being available in shops from April 1st, and also a more subtle clue is the name of the Hammond Eggs spokeswoman ... April Fuller.

You can watch the full video at the following link:
Chickens lay square eggs

Sunday, 30 March 2014

Subliminal Ways To Affect Book Review Ratings

Research suggests that certain 'trigger' words can influence a reader's perception of a book.


Physical and subliminal conditions
can alter a reader's perception of a book.
A recent report published by a team of pyschology scientists at the University Of Central Newcastle has revealed some interesting findings into the effects of environmental conditions on a reader's enjoyment of a book, and the results will be of interest to authors and readers alike.

The full report stretches to eighteen pages, but to briefly summarise the results of their experiment, two groups of readers were given the same selection of books to read and then asked to rate each book out of ten.  However, one subtle difference was that the second group was housed in a room where the temperature was kept five degrees higher than that of the first group.

Sunday, 23 March 2014

Weird Forums On The Web (Part 2)

Some of the unusual subjects and questions people discuss on the internet...


A few months ago I featured a post on some of the weird forums found on the web and paid particular attention to a thread discussing pencil sharpeners.  There are many more forums discussing surprising subjects, however, so I figured it was time for another post on some more of the weird forums found on the internet...

Top advice on credit cards, mortgages
and, of course, potatoes.

1) MoneySavingExpert.com


As most people are aware, MoneySavingExpert.com is a useful website to consult if you're looking for advice on how to save money when selecting such items as a credit card, bank acccount or mortgage.  However, their advice doesn't stop there.  They also offer useful advice on how to save money when buying...

...potatoes!

Seriously, no lie ... there's a forum on MoneySavingExpert which deals with potatoes!  And incredibly, how to save money on your potatoes appears to be a very popular discussion indeed because at the time of writing it stretches to 13 pages!

In fact one particular forum user found it so helpful that they commented:

Sunday, 16 March 2014

Funny Prank Or Sly Trick

When does a joke cross the line?


Wanted for playing sly tricks!
The thing with tricks and pranks is that different people draw the line at different points, so what one person considers a funny prank might be regarded as a totally sly trick by someone else.  So to investigate where the majority of people would draw the line, I've compiled a 'Funny Prank or Sly Trick' quiz.

Basically it's all about when does a good natured prank go too far and become a sly trick?  Some of the following scenarios are fairly tame whereas others are more harsh...


1) Misleading translations


To set the scene for this first example, a few years ago my mate used to have a soft spot for a Japanese girl he used to work with.  For the purposes of the scenario we'll call her Mavis, but that wasn't her real name.  (Actually, you probably already realised that, seeing as how Mavis isn't a very common girl's name in Japan.)

Sunday, 9 March 2014

Five Funny Smoking Stories For No Smoking Day

A few smoking related items...


As George Carlin once said, "A restaurant having a smoking section is a bit like a swimming pool having a peeing section."  His quote is quite topical this week, as it's No Smoking Day on Wednesday, so on that theme here's a health advisory message from the National Smoking Association...


(Original photo by www.tramsmail.se - Translation provided by Charles Fudgemuffin Translation Services Ltd.)


Sunday, 2 March 2014

10 Funny Quiz Show Answers

None of the following contestants were appearing on Mastermind...


Darts, a popular game featuring a black ball.
The main character (Eric) in my 'How To Save The World' books is prone to occasionally saying some daft stuff, but just to show he's not the only one who sometimes speaks before he thinks, here are a few answers from quiz show contestants who also forgot to put their brain into gear before answering the questions.

Just to reiterate, all of the following are genuine questions and answers from TV and radio shows over the years, starting with a pretty surreal answer from one contestant...

1) Name an animal whose eggs you probably never eat for breakfast.
Answer:  Hamster

2) Of all Beatrix Potter's books, which is the only one to feature a human in the title?
Answer:  Peter Rabbit

3) Name a game that uses a black ball.
Answer:  Darts

Sunday, 23 February 2014

Giving Excellent Stuff The Credit It Deserves (Part 2)

Enthusiastic praise with harsh review ratings.


Sydney Opera House.
"One of the world's greatest landmarks, a UNESCO world heritage site,
and a finalist in the 'New 7 Wonders Of The World Contest'.  4/5"
In the early days of the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I mentioned a review of the brilliant album 'Singing From The Grave' by Anna von Hausswolff which gushed...

‘...one of my favourite records of all time.  4/5’

Giving 4 out of 5 to 'one of your favourite records of all time' just seems a bit stingy to me.  I'm baffled by the number of reviewers who leave extremely praiseworthy comments, and yet for some reason they then award a less than generous rating, so in honour of this weird practice here's another round-up where I once again put the spotlight on positive reviews with unduly harsh ratings.

First up is the hauntingly beautiful song 'Liar' by the brilliantly talented Australian singer/songwriter Cypher.  You can download the song for free from the Triple J Unearthed website, but in the mean time, here are a few review quotes which demonstrate what I'm getting at:

Sunday, 16 February 2014

Weird Facebook Likes (Part 3)

A few more statuses that 'friends' on facebook like.


As I've mentioned before on my blog, I find it strange how people on facebook will sometimes post a status which is clearly bad news, and yet some of their so-called friends will 'like' this bad news.  It's been a while since my last post on this theme, so here's another round-up of weird and inappropriate facebook likes.

"A car is on fire."  1 friend likes this.
1) "Stuck in traffic.  Car on fire."
1 friend likes this.

Er ... hello!?  A car is on fire!  That's not something you're supposed to like!  I realise there's not a standard set of rules for what you can and can't like on facebook, but if there was then surely, "Don't click 'like' when someone's car sets on fire," would have to be one of the rules.

Next up is another example of a status where the 'like' button just seems to me to be a little inappropriate.

2) "I lived in Mexico problem free for six months then get mugged on my way home in East London."
4 friends like this.

I'm no expert on this, but I'm pretty sure that your friend getting mugged isn't something you should be liking.

This next one is even worse.

Sunday, 9 February 2014

Love And Romance Advice

Relationship tips for Valentine's Day


A puppy, pictured yesterday.
As it's Valentine's Day on Friday I thought I would have a love and romance themed blog post this week featuring a few relationship tips.  However, I'm very similar to the main character (Eric) in my 'How To Save The World' books when he gives the following relationship advice to his mate:

"Top of my list for advice…  Like, more important than any other advice I can give you is this...  When it comes to relationships, whatever you do … don’t take advice off me.  That’s got to be the top rule to follow above everything else.”

Given my feebleness on the subject of romance, I therefore decided to consult the advice of various relationship 'experts' for a selection of relationship tips, observations and comments covering a variety of themes...

1) Compromise
"My wife wanted a puppy.  I didn't want a puppy so we compromised and got a puppy."

2) Communication
When a women says 'When you get a chance...' what she really means is 'Stop what you are doing right now and carry out my wishes immediately!'

Sunday, 2 February 2014

Book Reviews (Part 5)

A few more reviews of books I've recently been reading.


I've spent a lot of time relaxing on beaches over the last few months, so as a result I've been able to enjoy a number of good books, so here's another batch of reviews of books and short stories which I've recently been reading...


The Walking Man by Wright Forbucks - 4.9 / 5.0

I loved this book.  Within a few pages I felt like I already really knew the characters, thanks to brilliant characterisation, and just the right balance of dialogue and narration.  There are a lot of ingredients in the mix; humour, inspiration, dark moments and also a few twists along the way.  At times I found myself laughing and then thinking, 'I shouldn't really be laughing at this,' because the humour can be a bit dark, but the strength of the writing and the way it is handled means that the humour never really crosses the line into feeling uncomfortable.  The author has created characters who you can at times dislike and at other times sympathise with and even admire, and The Walking Man is an excellent example of how brilliant indie books can be.  Strongly recommended.


Sunday, 26 January 2014

Would You Rather?

A new blog from Charles Fudgemuffin...


'Would You Rather?' A blog of dilemmas.
Anyone who’s ever read my 'How To Save The World' books will know that the main character, Eric, is a big fan of the 'Would You Rather?' game.  By a strange coincidence, I’m also a big fan of 'Would You Rather?' myself, and so I recently decided to start a new blog dedicated to that theme.

Some of the 'Would You Rather?' dilemmas featured on the blog are inspired by 'Would You Rather?' scenarios from the 'How To Save The World' books, while others are entirely new scenarios.  However, as the 'Would You Rather?' blog is marked 'No Mature Content', when featuring some of the more 'adult themed' questions originally from the 'How To Save The World' books, I've therefore had to adapt one or two of them slightly and tone them down somewhat.

Each 'Would You Rather?' question takes the form of a poll, and to give you an example of the sort of dilemmas you can find on the 'Would You Rather?' blog, the first few dilemmas include questions such as:

'Would you rather win the lottery of cure malaria from the world?'

'Would you rather find out how you die or when you die?'


And...

Sunday, 19 January 2014

The Harder The Journey, The More Rewarding The Arrival

An iPhone wallpaper based on an inspiring dude.


iPhone wallpaper based on an inspiring dude
I encountered as I was climbing Mount Kinabalu.
iPhone 4 Version (640x960)
My last few wallpapers have generally been daft and stupid, but I made this next wallpaper when I was in a rare sensible mood, and it's based on a photo from a few years ago when I was climbing Mount Kinabalu in Borneo.

The mountain is only 4,095 metres high, so it's probably no more than a small hill to serious mountaineers, but to an amateur like me it was a totally massive effort to get to the top.  By about halfway up my legs were starting to feel like jelly, so as I was hiking my way up to the summit I inevitably started to think to myself, 'Why did I ever voluntarily decide to put myself through this punishment!?'

However, just as me and my fellow backpackers were feeling as if our legs would go no further, we then passed a local porter who was carrying an object up to the overnight camp (3,270 metres up the mountain) and it quickly put our own efforts into perspective.  Incredibly, the object the porter dude was carrying up the mountain on his back was a water tank, and as you can see from the photo, this thing was massive.  So as we passed him we all stopped to give him approving nods of acknowledgement and appreciative shouts of encouragement for his incredible feat of strength.

About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.