Sunday, 21 December 2014

10 Santa And Christmas Jokes

A few festive riddles for Christmas.


Santa taking a quick break from his festive
responsibilities to pose for a photo.
Santa is perhaps regarded by many people as an old fashioned figure who likes to uphold traditions.  However, in actual fact Santa likes to think of himself as a hip and streetwise dude in touch with all the latest trends.

In fact on his journey around the world on Christmas Eve, Santa is planning to stop at every house to take a selfie.  This may add some time to his journey, so kids are therefore asked to show some patience if Santa is a few hours late with their presents.  Rest assured that he will arrive eventually.

As well as being hip and up-to-date, Santa is also famous for his catchphrase, "Ho! Ho! Ho!", so he obviously enjoys a laugh and has a good sense of humour.   So to celebrate the festive period here are a few Santa and Christmas themed jokes.  Be warned though, that most of these puns are very cheesy and are aimed at a younger audience.

1) What did Santa suffer from when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claustrophobia.

2) What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!

3) Why doesn't Santa Claus smoke?
Because it's bad for his elf.

4) What goes, 'Oh, Oh, Oh.'?
Santa Claus walking backwards.

5) What did one snowman say to the other?
I don't know about you but I can smell carrots.

A snowman ... in the winter.
6) What is Rudolph's favourite charity day?
Red Nose Day.

7) What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A puddle.

8) What never hurts itself when it falls?
Snow.

9) How many presents can Santa fit into an empty sack?
Only one.  After that it's not empty any more.

10) A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, then met up in the lobby to brag about their recent tournament victories.  After a few minutes the hotel manager asked them to leave the hotel.  The chess enthusiasts were upset and asked why they had to leave, to which the hotel manager replied, "Because I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."


On a closing note, Santa has also asked me to mention that he's down with all the latest Christmas tunes, so he's well aware that 'we all want a figgy pudding.'  However, sadly there won't be enough figgy pudding to go around this year which unfortunately means that some kids may have to miss out.  As a result, a few kids may have to make do instead with alternative presents, such as Playstations or Xboxes.

When Santa delivers your presents on Christmas night, if it therefore turns out that you're one of the unlucky ones and he hasn't left you a figgy pudding this year, and instead you've ended up with a Playstation or an Xbox, then please show some understanding and try not to be too disappointed.  Santa has assured me that this shortage of figgy pudding is only a temporary measure and so next year he'll do his best to ensure stocks are sufficient to ensure everyone gets the figgy pudding which we all desire.


Other Santa and Christmas themed posts:
Santa Claus Arrives On The Roof On Christmas Eve
True Or False: Six Santa Themed 'Facts' For Christmas
Christmas iPod / iPhone Wallpapers

P.S. Does anyone know what figgy pudding actually is?

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About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.