Saturday, 28 November 2015

Formula 1: How Fast Is It?

How does the speed of a formula 1 car compare with other speeds? A comparison...

A formula 1 car can reach speeds of up to 231.5 mph.
Not this one, though.  This one was stationary
The formula 1 championship comes to an end this weekend, so this week I analyse how the speed of a formula 1 car compares with the speed of a variety of other objects, creatures and events.  As a starting reference point, the maximum speed recorded by a formula 1 car was 231.5 mph set by Juan Pablo Montoya at Monza during the 2005 Italian Grand Prix.

Listed below you can see how Juan Pablo Montoya's feat compares with a variety of other significant speeds.  Here they all are starting with the slowest first...

1) The top speed of the world's fastest snail* = 0.0313 mph

* The speckled garden snail.

Saturday, 21 November 2015

Funny Job Application Answers

How Not To Get A Job...

"The successful applicant must be hard working,
good with figures, and of course...
do excellent dinosaur impressions."
At one of my previous jobs my supervisor asked the senior manager, who was a bit of a joker, to have a quick look at her CV to see if he could suggest any improvements.  For a sneaky prank, the senior manager added the following entry to her CV...

Hobbies: Swearing and shoplifting.

Incredibly, some real life job applicants* have actually given answers just as inappropriate, so for this week's blog post I've featured a round-up of unusual answers taken from CVs, job application forms and job interviews...

* Presumably unsuccessful.

1) In one word, summarise your strongest professional attribute:
I'm very good at following instructions.

2) Skills: I can do an excellent triceratops impersonation.

Saturday, 14 November 2015

10 Interesting Chinese Words And Expressions

Vinegar jars, invisible glasses, and flatulent dogs.

From time to time on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I take a look at interesting words found in other languages from around the world, and this week I focus on Chinese.  Please note, I'm not a fluent Chinese speaker, so apologies if I haven't explained any of the above with perfect linguistic clarity, but here are a few Chinese words which I found amusing or interesting...

Dog fart!
Please note, a cuddly toy dog has been used for the purposes of
this photo in order to avoid causing embarrassment to any real dogs.

1) Dog Fart!

In English, if someone was expressing an opinion you disagreed with, you might reply, "Rubbish!" or "Nonsense!" or if you were old-fashioned and slightly posh you might say "Poppycock!"

If you spoke Chinese, however, you might reply 'gǒupì!' (狗屁) which more or less means the same thing as 'Nonsense!' but rather amusingly, it literally translates as 'Dog fart!'

If you want to have hours of amusement at work, then I recommend introducing the expression 'dog fart!' to your office, and I can testify from my own experience that it's guaranteed to produce hours of childish hilarity!

What's that you say?  'Dog fart'?  No, I promise you it's true.

Saturday, 7 November 2015

Funny Things Kids Say

Another collection of kid-isms...

Cuddly toys for 'cuddly' parents.
A few months ago I published the short story ‘Small Pots Also Have Ears’ which deals with the subject of kids making unintentionally amusing comments.  Sticking with the same theme, I thought that for this week’s blog post I would feature a collection of amusing comments by kids, taken from facebook and twitter (links to original tweeters provided).  The names have been changed to protect the innocent...

1) Cuddly parents

To start things off, here’s a status posted by a facebook friend with a very diplomatic daughter…

“My 8 year old daughter just said, “You know, some people think they are fat when they are really not ... they are just cuddly.  And you are the second most cuddly person I know!”

Ha, ha! That's the type of compliment that only a kid could get away with.

About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.