Alternate universe

When you consider some of the things that have gone on in the world over the last few years, you could argue that we're already living in an alternate universe!

Anyway, this week's blog post features a round-up of 'alternate universe' themed photos and observations.

1) Chips and soda flavour soap

To start things off, here are a couple of unusual items found in an alternate universe bathroom.

Mountain Dew bodywash and Doritos face wash.
Credit: imgur

Although I can understand the novelty appeal, why would you want your face to smell like nacho cheese doritos?

Lazy or genius: Christmas edition!

"We wish you a lazy Christmas, we wish you a lazy Christmas, we wish you a lazy Christmas, and a lethargic New Year!"

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a look at people who were too lazy to put any real effort into their Christmas decorations and celebrations. However, in some cases, they did at least come up with clever solutions to avoid doing any hard work.

1) Lazy Christmas tree (part 1)

To start things off, this first contender gets double points for laziness. They were too lazy to do their washing, and they were also too lazy to set up a real Christmas tree. However, they showed impressive creativity in coming up with a simple combined solution to both.

Credit: The Laundry Basket

Laundry Christmas!

10 Christmas jokes (part 5)

Christmas will soon be here again, so Merry Christmas to all my readers!

Sticking with the festive mood, here's another batch of Christmas themed jokes...

Merry Christmas!

1) What did the peanut butter say to the grape at Christmas?
"'Tis the season to be jelly!"



2) Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they make the toys.



3) What's yellow, sweet and swings through the jungle at Christmas?
Tarzipan.

Silly tautologies (part 5)

Tautologies are just a fancy way of repeating the same thing twice. Which makes them quite a suitable subject for the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, because I often like the repeat the same theme twice (or even five times in some cases) in my blog posts.

This week is no exception, as I feature another round-up of silly tautologies.

Unfortunately, I didn't have any photos of a stupid idiot,
so I had to use this photo of a highly intelligent man instead.

1) Stupid idiot

This is a tautology that me and my friends used quite a lot when we were young. We would often call each other stupid idiots as an insult among friends.

However, it's another obvious tautology. It's safe to say, you don't get many intelligent idiots. Nor do you get many stupid geniuses. I think the fact that an idiot is stupid goes without saying.

So on reflection, what a bunch of stupid idiots we were to call each other stupid idiots!

Amusing car registration numbers

Regular readers of the Charles Fudgemuffin blog will know that I generally like to cover silly and light-hearted subjects. You may therefore be surprised to learn that this week I plan to take a look at car registration numbers.

Admittedly, at first glance, car registration numbers may appear to be not at all silly and in fact quite a sensible subject. However, all of this week's car registration numbers have a silly theme to them!

1) Good boy!

This dog is so well trained that it even does what the car tells him...

1EARUP

"One ear up. Good boy!"

Random thoughts (part 12)

From time to time on the Charles Fudgemffin blog, I randomly like to publish a few random thoughts on random subjects. Today is one of those times.

"Nobody tells me what to do! I'll climb where I want!"

1) Gone astray

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If a 'homing' pigeon doesn't come home, you've lost a normal pigeon.

2) Too good to waste

Have you noticed that there are never any leftover recipes for chocolate?

If I had a dollar...

Good ideas are like dollars. They make cents.

Looks like Windows has crashed again.

That was a financially related way of leading into this week's blog post, as this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features a round-up of 'If I had a dollar' jokes.*

* For the benefit of UK readers, that's like an 'If I had a penny' joke, but with a really bad exchange rate.

1) If Bill Gates had a dollar for every time Windows crashed...

Oh, wait. He does!

Editor's note: "Charles, I wouldn't recommend making jokes about Bill Gates. What if he takes the huff and shadow bans you from Bing?"
Charles: "I'm sure Bill has got a really good sense of humor, and would therefore never dream of taking such petty action." **shifty eyes**



2) If I had a dollar for every time I got a math problem wrong...

I'd have $3.56!

Random silliness (part 3)

It's that time again. Time to be silly!

There are many things in the world which can be silly. Putty, seasons, sausages, Billys, even misspelled regions of Italy!

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog celebrates all things silly with another selection of random silliness.

1) If you've ever wondered why babies aren't born with teeth, here's why...

Credit: Coffee Creek Studio

Is it just me, or does last baby remind anyone of a baby version of Joey from Friends?

Editor's note: "It's just you, Charles."

Randomly generated motivational quotes

A rather entertaining website I recently discovered is the InspiroBot website which randomly creates 'motivational quotes' with accompanying images.

Once in a while you will find a genuinely motivational quote, or a deep quote that gets you thinking. However, most of the time the quotes are just utterly bizarre, some of them are outright lies, some are simply evil, and some are actually demotivational.

I've compiled a few examples below to illustrate the kind of 'inspirational' quotes that Inspirobot comes up with, and to start things off, here's one quote which I definitely agree with.

1) "Publicly endorse books."

Horse 1: "Why do you think that photographer is taking our photo?"
Horse 2: "Probably for a motivational quote about books, no doubt."

Some estimates say that over 2.2 billion books are sold every year, so I'm happy to report that this is a quote that many people agree with.

However, I'm not sure how the horses tie in with a quote about books!

Charles Fudgemuffin rating: Good advice




That was a positive quote to get the ball rolling, but not all of Inspirobot's quotes are quite as inspirational...

Weird facebook likes (part 6)

This is a theme which I haven't featured for quite some time on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, but it always makes me chuckle so I'm featuring it again.

You have ruined your expensive headphones.
2 friends like this.

I'm talking about weird facebook likes. Specifically, the practice of people posting a status on facebook which is clearly bad news, and yet several of their alleged 'friends' then bizarrely reach straight for the 'like' button.

1) To give an example of what I'm referring to, here's someone who made an expensive mistake.

"Why not add a modern twist to the classic 'forget to check jeans pockets for tissues before putting them in the wash' by also not checking for headphones? ******!"

2 friends like this.

So to summarise, you've ruined your expensive headphones, and two of your so-called friends are delighted with this news!

Anagrams (part 3)

To start off this week's blog post, here's a plug for one of my books...

'The Quiz Master' is an anagram of 'Ham Zit Request',
as illustrated by this handy animation.

'Ham Zit Request'

You're probably thinking, 'Ham Zit Request? That's a weird title for a book'. However, this week's blog post is all about anagrams, so 'Ham Zit Request' is actually an anagram of the book title, 'The Quiz Master'.

I've featured another batch of anagrams below, and as usual, to test your observation skills I've also included one false anagram. See if you can spot which one it is...

1) When the 2005 series of Doctor Who was being made, the preview tapes were labelled 'Torchwood' as a disguise to prevent the footage from being leaked.

However, the disguise wouldn't have fooled any anagram fanatics, because 'Torchwood' is an anagram of 'Doctor Who'.

Light bulb jokes (part 5)

The light bulb was such a good idea that it later became the symbol for someone having a bright idea. It's also the inspiration for numerous jokes.

A light bulb.
The inspiration for emojis and jokes.

So as October 18th is National Light Bulb Day this seems like an appropriate time for another round up of light bulb jokes!

1) How many Bruce Sprinsteen fans does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They prefer Dancing In The Dark.



2) How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
Ha, ha! As if they have electricity in California!



3) How many writers for The Simpsons does is take to change a light bulb?
None. They won't admit that it burnt out 15 years ago!

Isn't it ironic? (part 3)

Nowadays we have national days to celebrate anything and everything, and perhaps one of the most unusual national days of them all is National Irony Day which is celebrated on October 12th. So in honour of National Irony Day, here is another round-up of ironic thoughts and observations.

1) Ironic card

Best teacher ever? With spelling like that, they clearly can't be that good a teacher.

"Your ^You're the best teacher ever."

Poor spelling! See me!

Liars caught in the act

Today is National Liar Day. Actually, no, it's not. I just made that up. It was a total lie! National Liars Day isn't until March 1st apparently, although personally I don't see why we need a day to highlight liars.

Anyway, that was an example of a liar caught in the act, and this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog highlights several more such examples.

1) Supermarket liar

To start things off, here's a claim of 'nothing artificial' which I can't help feeling somewhat suspicious about.

"Nothing artifical."
"Imitation crab."

Real 100% authentic imitation crab! It sounds like something Del Boy would sell.

Cool sayings from around the world (part 5)

During my travels around the world, I've discovered several interesting expressions from backpackers of various nationalities. One of my favourites is a Chinese saying involving strawberry blancmange, an industrial strength vacuum cleaner, and a Peter Stringfellow mask, but that's one that should probably go unmentioned.

However, most sayings from around the world can definitely be mentioned, and I've collected five of my favourites below for your international expressional pleasure.

1) "Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week."

This cat's going to be really busy tomorrow.
He'll probably have to drink twice as much milk!

At first glance, I assumed this Spanish saying was an amusing way of saying that they procrastinate a lot in Spain.

However, apparently it's not intended to encourage laziness, and it's actually intended to do the opposite. It's basically a way of saying, "Do it now! Get stuff done today! Otherwise if you keep putting things off you'll just be twice as busy tomorrow."

On a related note, three weeks ago it was National Procrastination Day. Time to celebrate!

Funny things kids say (part 11)

It's been over a year since my last round-up of amusing comments by children, but the wait is finally over! That's because this week the Charles Fudgemuffin features another long overdue batch of funny things that kids say.

Cabbages.
Surely the dream of all those who aspire to be rich.

1) Vegetables are a girl's best friend

To start things off, here's an interview from an amusing old TV show:

Interviewer: "What would you buy if you were rich?"
Kid: "Cabbages! And lettuce, and carrots."

I have to admit, cabbages aren't the first thing I'd buy if I came into money, but each to their own.

2) The voice of experience?

"Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick."
...Lauren, 9.

I can't help wondering, was she talking from personal experience?

Be positive

September 13th is National Positivity Day, so this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog focuses on people* with a positive attitude.

* And twigs.

1) Celebratory sprig

To start things off, I love the positive attitude of this twig.

Credit: imgur

"Hurray! I'm a twig!"

10 riddles to celebrate National Riddle Day (part 3)

What do you call a question that's sort of a question, but more like a confusing puzzle designed to catch you out? That's right, a riddle!

Riddles make their annual return to the Charles Fudgemuffin blog.

Tomorrow is National Riddle Day, so to celebrate, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features a selection of confusing puzzles designed to catch you out. Also know as riddles!

Here's a fairly simple riddle to start things off...

1) Parent riddle

A mother and father have five daughters, and each daughter has one brother.

How many people are in the family?

Jokes written by AI

With the presence of AI growing ever greater with every passing year, some people have claimed it may be only a matter of time before many people see their jobs replaced by AI.

One question I personally couldn't help wondering was, 'Will AI ever replace the jobs of stand up comedians?' To test it out, I asked AI to write a number of jokes on a variety of subjects. For each joke, I gave AI a prompt based on the theme from one of my previous blog posts.

A liar takes questions from other liars.

Have a read of the results and then decide for yourself whether stand up comedians have anything to worry about from AI.

1) Joke prompt: Liars

Why do liars always seem to be good at math?
Because they can always make the truth add up to whatever they want!

Not a bad start. Admittedly, I'm not rolling on the floor with laughter, but at least it makes sense.

Top tips (part 5)

A wise man once gave me the following top tip:

It's okay. He's only yawning!

"There are two secrets to success in life:

1) Don't tell others everything you know."

. . . . . . . . . .

This week on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I'm going to follow that wise man's advice by passing on only some of the silly top tips I've come across...

1) Always give a thumbs up while yawning so deaf people know you're not screaming.

Credit: @UnhandyHints



2) When being chased by a pack of taxidermists, don't play dead!

Funny football quotes (part 15)

A new season of the Premier League gets under way this weekend, and it's become something of a tradition on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog to mark the occasion with another collection of funny football quotes.

"The perfect penalty."

1) "That was the perfect penalty, apart from he missed it."
…Rob McCaffrey



2) "Ireland will give 99% … everything they've got!"
…Mark Lawrenson



3) "And Ritchie has now scored 11 goals, exactly double the number he scored last season."
…Alan Parry

Ritchie improves on the five and a half goals he scored last season.

Lazy or genius?

I heard there was a National Lazy Day sometime soon, but I was too lazy to look up when it was exactly.

Anyway, National Lazy Day falls somewhere around about this time of year, so this week's blog post is based on the popular internet theme of 'lazy or genius'.

1) Lazy or genius jigsaw puzzle

Completing jigsaw puzzles can be a satisfying way to pass the time, and I'm sure whoever did this jigsaw puzzle was extremely satisfied to see the finished results of their efforts.

Credit: @micatwitto

I particularly thought the white stripe for the horse's nose was a nice touch!

Stating the obvious

Is water wet? Is the Pope Catholic?

Actually, scratch that. Nowadays the Pope is increasingly acting like he's not Catholic, so that was probably a bad choice of introduction. However, in the olden days if someone asked a question with a really obvious answer, then 'Is water wet?' or 'Is the Pope Catholic?' were appropriate responses.

If it isn't obvious by now, that was just a long-winded way of saying that this week's blog post features amusing examples of stating the obvious...

1) Plant based mashed potato

Here's an innovative product that the scientific boffins at Asda have cleverly managed to create ... plant based mashed potato!

Plant based mashed potato.
Was the 'plant based' really necessary?

Credit: Cursed Food

Personally, I much prefer plant based mashed potato over animal based mashed potato.

Question of the day (part 2)

Curiosity leads to knowledge. That's why asking questions is important. And especially as our governments, the media and 'experts' strive harder to get us to blindly accept everything they tell us, it becomes more and more important to ask questions.

Who? When? Where? How? Why? What?
It's time for another 'question of the day'.

However, although there are many serious questions that should be asked, there's also a time and a place for being silly! This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog presents a mixture of the two with another batch of 'questions of the day', both serious and silly...

Serious:

1) What's the best advice you ever received?



Silly:

2) Would you like to learn how to avoid being scammed?
Just send £10,000 to P.O.Box 45, Newcastle Upon Tyne for further details!

Geordie jokes

I often have blog posts celebrating weird national days, but one national day I've never previously mentioned on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog is National Geordie Day! Being a Geordie myself, this is perhaps an oversight on my part, but it's one I'm finally about to correct, as this weeks the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features a selection of Geordie jokes to celebrate National Geordie Day.

A meringue.

If you speak Geordie yourself then the following jokes will need no explanation. However, for the benefit of anyone who is unfamiliar with the Geordie dialect, I've also included an appendix providing translations of relevant Geordie words.

1) A Geordie walks into Greggs, points at the display and asks, "Is that a cake or a meringue?"

The baker replies, "No, you're right. It's a cake."



2) What do you call a Geordie girl who's learning to drive?
Lorna.

Real words or fake? (part 3)

I often like to feature true or false quizzes on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, and something else that features frequently on the blog is words. In fact, every blog post I've ever published has included lots of words!

Strawberries get a thumbs up from me.
Not when they commit a robbery, though.

So this week, I've decided to combine the two, and feature a true or false quiz about words!

Take a look at the following words and try to work out whether they're real words, or whether they're fictitious made up creations...

1) Strobbery

A strobbery is a robbery committed by a strawberry.

True or false?

Paradoxes (part 2)

It's time for another round up of paradoxes, and once again the paradoxical examples have a light-hearted theme...

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes
another light-hearted look at paradoxes.

1) The Hide And Seek Paradox

If you find the best hiding spot, you haven't found the best hiding spot.

2) The Failure Paradox

"If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?"
...Jerry Seinfeld

Lost in translation

When I was younger, I spent a couple of months travelling around Japan, and I remember a bowling alley in Kyoto had a sign which read, "Let's knock down all the pins and get hot communication!" I'm not sure what it meant, but I'm pretty sure the original meaning was lost in translation.

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a look at more signs from around the world where the 'Engrish' version has been lost in translation.

1) Height discrimination

It seems a bit harsh to blame short people as their excuse for closing.

"Bah! Those pesky short people!"

"Sorry we are closed today due to short people."

Things that unintentionally made me laugh (part 4)

I have a weird sense of humour, so from time to time on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, I like to highlight things that weren't meant to be funny, but which nevertheless appealed to my weird sense of humour.

Here are a few more things that unintentionally made me laugh...

1) Realistic Dinosaurs

First up, here's a video on YouTube which features dinosaur sounds. What made me laugh, was that it asks you to listen to the dinosaur sounds, and then rate how realistic they sound!

"Wow! That triceratops roar sounded just like the triceratops I heard in the park this morning."

Unless there are some extremely old people using YouTube, then I suspect rating dinosaur sounds for realism may prove a little tricky.

Random text conversations

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog shines the spotlight on a few random text conversations I found on the internet, which my easily amused sense of humor was entertained by.

1) To start things off, here's a brilliant scientific idea that someone has had...

"What if there were microwaves that made things cold?"
"They call those refrigerators."

To be fair, microwaves heat things up in only a few minutes, whereas fridges take considerably longer to cool things down. Then again, why let facts and logic get in the way of a sarcastic reply?

My favourite things

In the movie The Sound Of Music, some of Judi Garland's favourite things included such mundane items as doorbells, sleigh bells, and bright copper kettles. She also listed a few extravagantly weird items, such as 'wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings'.

If Judi Garland happens to be reading this blog post,
here's a special treat for you...

I personally haven't encountered many wild geese flying with the moon on their wings during my lifetime, so I can't really comment with any real authority on Judi Garland's unusual preference. Nevertheless, it does seem a rather weird choice to include as one of your favourite things.

Anyway, this week I'm going to follow Judi Garland's lead and list a few of my own favourite things...

1) My favourite Scooby Doo episode...

The one where it turned out the ghost was really just a man wearing a mask, but he didn't get away with it because of those meddling kids.

Random football silliness!

The 2022/23 Premier League football season comes to an end this weekend, so it seems an appropriate time to feature a random collection of football related silliness!

1) To start things off, here's a rare photo of The Beatles defending a free kick...

Credit: @trevorbmbagency

Liverpool have always been tactically ahead of their time!

Funny menus (part 2)

It's been a while since I last featured amusing menus on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, but this week the wait is finally over!

To start things off, here's a Chinese menu where I suspect the original meaning has been slightly lost in translation...

1) Traditional Chinese food

On a Chinese menu, you might expect to find typical Chinese dishes such as wonton soup, rice balls and, er ... 'reclamation of a wasteland by an army unit."

With some unusual translations you can kind of work out what they were trying to say, but in this case I have absolutely no idea!

10 birthday jokes

This week sees the Charles Fudgemuffin blog celebrate it's 11th birthday! So to celebrate, this week's blog post features 10 birthday themed jokes.

Happy Birthday, Charles!

You may be thinking, "Wouldn't it have made more sense to celebrate a round number like your 10th birthday rather than your 11th birthday?" Well, yes. That's right. It would make more sense.

However, I forgot last year, so that's why I'm celebrating my blog's 11th birthday rather than its 10th birthday.

Anyway, enough of the introductory ramble. Here are the birthday jokes...

1) It seems that shops stock seasonal products earlier and earlier each year. Today, I saw a birthday card, but my birthday isn't until November! Utterly ridiculous!

Credit: @VizComic



2) My mate gave me a castle shaped like an abacus for my birthday.

It’s the fort that counts.

10 password memes and jokes

You probably think I'm making this up, but the first Thursday every May is World Password Day! So in honour of World Password Day, here are a few jokes and memes on the theme of passwords and internet security...

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog
celebrates World Password Day.

1) Here's a conversation* I had with the priest when I was at a funeral the other week...

Me: "Can you tell me the wifi password please?"
Priest: "Have some respect for the dead!"
Me: "Is that all lower case?"

* Not really. That was just a made up fictitious claim to lead into the joke.




2) Change your wifi password to '2444666668888888'.

Then when somebody asks what it is, you can tell them it's '12 34 56 78'.

Star Wars jokes (part 4)

As Star Wars fans will know, May the 4th is officially Star Wars Day* so as I often like to do at this time of year, in honour of Star Wars Day this week's blog post takes inspiration from Star Wars with another collection of Star Wars themed jokes.

HD is Yoda.

* Inspired be the phrase 'May The 4th Be With You'.

1) My wife was so angry at my Star Wars obsession that she screamed, "I'm leaving you!"
"May divorce be with you!!" I replied.



2) What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?
"HDMI."

The Idiot Awards (part 5)

Since my last batch of Idiot Awards, there have been many more idiots deserving of recognition for their services towards idiocy.

Here are just a few of the most deserving cases...

1) Surprise Pregnancy

To start things off, surely this couple must be the stupidest people alive, and thoroughly deserving of an Idiot Award. I mean, surely her large pregnant belly should have been a little bit of a clue?

Woman with pregnant belly takes a pregnancy test.

I love the look of extreme surprise on their faces!

Cats and dogs (part 4)

This week we got to celebrate National Pet Day, so in honor of cats and dogs, here's another collection of random feline and canine thoughts and observations.

"I love doughnuts! Er, I mean, I love my owner.""

1) If a dog jumps on your lap, it is because he loves you.
If a cat jumps on your lap, it is because your lap is warmer.



2) 'Meow' means 'woof' in cat.



3) When cat food and dog food is advertised as a 'new improved flavour', who tests it?

Five stupid sayings (part 6)

The English language has many cool sayings, but it also has quite a few silly sayings. This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a look at five more of those stupid sayings.

Donuts may be dumb, but they're also delicious!

1) As dumb as a day old donut

This was a saying that I first heard while watching Prison Break.

The obvious thought that comes to mind is why the need to specify that the donut is a day old? Is a fresh donut any more intelligent than a day old donut?

I'm pretty sure the donut was pretty dumb to begin with, even before it became a day old. If you were to conduct an IQ test on donuts of various ages, I'm pretty sure the relative intelligence levels would come out as equally stupid.

To be fair, I don't think I've heard anyone else say it, so perhaps it's just the character on Prison Break who was as dumb as a day old donut.

The Hypocrite Awards

If there's one thing that annoys me more than anything else, it's bloggers that start their articles with a moan!

On an unrelated note **shifty eyes**, something else which annoys me is hypocrites. This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog highlights some of the many hypocrites found in the world...

1) Hypocritical Geographic

The first ever Hypocrite Award goes to National Geographic for sending out an issue that warns about the damage caused by plastic bags. As if to demonstrate the problem, that issue itself was delivered inside a plastic bag!

Plastic Geographic

Credit: @CoralReefFish

To make it even worse, the magazine itself was plastic sealed, and then put into a plastic bag, so it came inside two plastic bags!

From my own experience, magazines seem to come in paper envelopes nowadays, so it appears National Geographic's hypocrisy is hopefully becoming a thing of the past.

Trolling is fun

Sometimes its obvious when people are trolling. For example, when this dude made a mask of himself not wearing a mask properly, he was obviously doing it to deviously troll people.

Mask troll.

Other times, though, trolling can be more subtle and not so obvious. For me, the perfect troll is when you are left wondering, are they actually trolling or are they genuinely that stupid?

So this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog puts trolling under the microscope. Have a read of the following examples and see if you can decide whether it's a troll cleverly winding people up, or whether they genuinely are that stupid...

1) Flying Carp

Wow! What a rare sight! A bird hitching a ride on a flying carp!

"You can clearly see the bird riding on his back mid-air."

"Wow, I cannot believe you think the fish (who are known for swimming under water) is giving a piggy back ride to the bird (who are known for flying)! I am sad for humanity."

Trolling or stupid?

Cool words from around the world (part 2)

It's been several years since I last featured cool words from around the world on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, but finally the wait is over! That's a long-winded and overly dramatic way of saying that this week's blog post is once again on the theme of cool words from around the world.

Mmm, strawberries.

1) Earth berries

In Norwegian, strawberries are known as 'jordebær' which literally translates as 'earth berry'. Although it's a cool name for strawberries, it's also a weird name, because unlike root crops like carrots, beetroot, turnip, etc, strawberries don't actually grow directly in the ground.

That said, strawberries have no connection to straw, so I suppose the English word is just as weird!

Random movie silliness!

It's the Oscars this weekend, an annual celebration where the phonies of Hollywood come together to pat themselves on the back for all their services towards hypocrisy and dishonesty.

If the smug arrogance of the Oscars leaves you feeling nauseated, then as a movie related alternative, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features random movie silliness!

1) This is how Mr Miagi eats his Babybel cheese.

"Wax on. Wax off."

"Either you eat Babybel "yes" or eat Babybel "no". You eat Babybel "guess so", get squished just like grape.”

They did the math(s)

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a look at a few examples of 'they did the maths'.*

* Or 'they did the math' for the benefit of American readers.

However, unlike the legacy media who like to tell their readers what to think, I prefer to make my readers think. So, as I often like to do, I've turned it into a true or false quiz! After all, just because 'they did the maths', that doesn't necessarily mean that they did the maths correctly.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...
...which is good news for this proboscis monkey!

So take a look at the following examples and try to decide whether the math(s) backs up the claims, or whether the statements are inaccurate.

1) Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

If 99% of people find you unattractive, then there are still approximately 80 million people on Earth who find you attractive!

True or false?

The Hero Awards

To quote a famous, super hero, 'Not all heroes wear capes.'^*

* Sadly, judging by some of the comics I've read recently, many of those wearing capes nowadays have become villains.

Some heroes are regular people, just like you and I!^*

* To clarify, I'm not saying I'm a hero. I'm saying I'm a regular person. I don't want to appear boastful.

I've sometimes highlighted idiots on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog in the semi-regular Idiot Awards, but as well as the world being filled with idiots, thankfully it also contains a large number of heroes.

So to redress the balance, this week I hand out a selection of Hero Awards to deserving winners.

A seatbelt, pictured yesterday.

1) Car heroes

Most corporations nowadays are obsessed with profit, sometimes at the expense of public health or even public life, so it may seem unlikely that a corporation would ever be even remotely deserving of a Hero Award.

However, when Volvo invented the seatbelt back in 1959 they made the patent free for all car manufacturers because they believed that the lives saved by the seatbelt were more important than profit. So congratulations to Volvo for winning the first ever Hero Award!

Funny supermarket photos (part 3)

If our incompetent Western governments continue the way they are going, doing all they can to disrupt the food supply chain, then in a few months' time we may well have food shortages, and our supermarkets may have empty shelves.

So, while we still can, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog pays another visit to the supermarket!

1) Back to school

Presumably, this first supermarket display must be aimed at schools based in London or Chicago?

"Back to school."

Bonus joke:

Ten cheesy chat up lines for Valentine's Day (part 2)

It's only a few days until Valentine's Day, so for the benefit of anyone looking for love, here's another batch of cheesy chat up lines.*

Cupid pays a visit to the Charles Fudgemuffin blog
with another collection of cheesy chat up lines.

* Or pick up lines, for the benefit of any American readers.

1) Computer programmer's chat up line...

"My name's Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?



2) Optimist's chat up line...

"You remind me of my first wife."
"You were married?"
"No, I'm a bachelor."

Random food thoughts

This coming week features an important date, because February 9th is National Pizza Day! Unfortunately I couldn't think of ten pizza related thoughts, so instead I've had to expand the net a little further afield for this week's blog post, and feature random thoughts on a variety of foods...

Happy National Pizza Day!

1) Buy a man a pizza and you feed him for a day, but buy a man two pizzas, and you feed him for a day.



2) If human beings did not exist, ducks wouldn't know what bread tastes like.



3) KitKat wafer cream is made of ground up KitKat misshapes, so how did they make the first KitKat?

A 'fruit and veg' based higher or lower quiz

In one of my upcoming books which I'm currently writing, one of the characters likes to stay healthy by exercising regularly and growing his own food.*

* More things happen that just that, though. He doesn't spend the entire book just gardening and exercising, obviously. That would be a boring book! Don't worry, there are other more radical plot devepements as well, such as brain transplants and vengeful motivations.

Water melon.
The topic of the first question in this week's quiz.

I often like to use themes from my books as inspiration for blog posts, and this week is no different, as this week's blog post is a true or false quiz for anyone who similarly likes to grow their own fruit and veg.

1) Water content

As you'd expect, water melon contains a lot of water (the clue is in the name), and in fact is made up of 92% water! However, it's not the only fruit and veg which is high in water content. Iceberg lettuce is another food containing a high percentage of water.

But how much water exactly? Does iceberg lettuce contain a higher or lower water percentage than water melon?

Higher or lower?