Five stupid sayings (part 4)

In general I'm a big fan of the English language, but it does have it's quirks. For example, from time to time on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I like to highlight silly English expressions, and here are a few more...

1) "He knows which side his bread is buttered."

Intelligence Test: Can you work out which side this bread is buttered?

This is a strange compliment which is used to mean, 'He is clever enough to understand what is best for his own self-interests.'  But I have to say, you don't exactly need to be a genius to tell which side your bread is buttered!

It's not that hard to work out.  You just look at the bread, you see which side the butter is on, then hey presto ... that's the side your bread is buttered.  To be blunt, if you couldn't work out which side your bread was buttered, you'd have to be a bit of an idiot!

2) "To be honest..."

This one isn't really a saying, and it's more something people say as a prelude to a sentence or statement.

However, if you analyse it, honest people don’t need to point out when they’re being honest because they’re always being honest.  It’s only liars who need to provide clarification, and ironically, when they do so they are very often not being honest after all.

So my advice would be to avoid using this expression, otherwise people may question why you feel the need to provide clarification...

If you literally aim for the Moon, be aware of the consequences.

3) "Aim for the Moon.  Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."

In actual fact the nearest star to the Moon, i.e. the Sun, is 93 million miles away, and the second closest star is Proxima Centauri which is 4.24 light years away. Given these massive distances, it's therefore extremely unlikely that if you missed the Moon you would land among the stars. It's far more likely that you would just float about aimlessly in space until your air supply eventually ran out causing you to die.

Furthermore, stars are effectively massive thermonuclear reactors which release astronomical amounts of energy and therefore reach incredibly high temperatures, so if you did land among the stars, you'd probably burn to death.

Perhaps whoever invented this saying was being poetic rather than literal, but I just thought it wise to warn people of the potential consequences in case anyone was considering taking this saying at face value.

4) "All good things come to those who wait."

As a Newcastle United fan, I can verify that this saying is completely untrue, and in actual fact the saying should read, 'Disappointment and failure come to those who wait.'

I don't want to be negative though, so I'll also point out that I'm sure Leicester City fans will totally agree with this saying.

5) "Single-handedly"

Looks like someone's been taking the expression 'single-handedly' literally...

Given that most people have two hands, it's peculiar how the term 'single-handedly' ever came into common use. Surely 'double-handedly' would be a more accurate expression.

For example, the headline...

"Ibrahimovic single-handedly won the match for PSG."

...is misleading because, although Ibrahimovic's brilliance may well have won the match on his own, I'm nevertheless pretty sure Zlatan Ibrahimovic has two hands.

Actually, on second thoughts if he'd used his hands the goals would have been disallowed for handball, so perhaps 'no-handedly' or even 'double-feetedly' would be more appropriate in this instance.

Anyway, my point is that surely when referring to examples of individual brilliance, the expression should be 'double-handedly'.

You can find even more silly sayings in my earlier blog posts:
Five Stupid Sayings (Part 1)
Five Stupid Sayings (Part 2)
Five Stupid Sayings (Part 3)