Funny courtroom quotes (part 4)

"How did you become deceased?"
"Someone took a wild stab in the dark."

It's time for another round-up of funny courtroom quotes featuring stupid questions by lawyers, and a few equally silly answers from witnesses...

1) Before and after

Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
Witness: "Yes, sir."
Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"

I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark and guess 'before'.

Funny courtroom quotes (part 3)

From time to time I like to feature stupid questions by lawyers on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, and as it's been quite a few months since my last round up of funny courtroom quotes, I think that means it's the perfect time for another batch of amusing quotes from lawyers and witnesses.

Once again, all of the following quotes are taken from official court records.

"So they go up as well as down? Wow!"

1) Stupid questions (part 1)

Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

If you need to explain how stairs work to a lawyer then you might want to consider getting a new lawyer!

Funny courtroom quotes (part 2)

One of my previous blog posts which received a lot of page views was my round-up of funny courtroom quotes. I'm a firm believer in listening to the demands of the market, so with that in mind, here's another batch of amusing quotes from lawyers who weren't exactly the sharpest tools in the box.

N.B. The following quotes are all taken from official court records.

"If he had a beard, then of course he was a man!"

1) Bearded lady?

Lawyer: "Can you describe the individual?"
Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"
Witness: "Unless the circus was in town, I’m going with male."

Surely the fact that the witness described him as 'he' should have been a big clue. Oh, and also the fact that he had a beard of course!

Funny courtroom quotes (part 1)

Let's start this week's blog post with a lawyer joke...

"A lawyer, and an honest man."
The importance of the Oxford comma.

Young girl: "Mummy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
Mother: "No, dear. Why do you ask?"
Young girl: "Because that gravestone says, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

While I'm sure there must be some honest lawyers out there somewhere, if the following funny courtroom quotes are anything to go by, there are nevertheless also quite a few foolish lawyers. Not to mention quite a few foolish witnesses too.

All of the following quotes are taken from official court records...

1) I will survive

Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
Witness: "The victim lived."

Well fancy that! There were no dead survivors!