Funny reviews

I recently reported on a disgruntled Indian woman who purchased my short story 'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It' then left an amusing review warning other readers not to buy it, because it was a short story, and not an instruction manual on how to kill her husband as she had expected.

On that theme, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features a round up of other amusing reviews which brought a chuckle to my face.

1) "Too sandy"

To start things off, here's one reviewer who apparently doesn't seem to understand how beaches work...

"Bah! This beach is full of sand!"

"It's a great beach, just too sandy."

Sand on a beach! What exactly did they expect from a beach?

Amazon ███ ██████ have acted in a way which I find somewhat frustrating.

I'll get straight to the point. Amazon are ██████! (Editor's comment: Charles, you can't say that! I've therefore taken the liberty of censoring your comment, and replacing it with the following more diplomatic response.) Amazon have acted in a way which I find somewhat frustrating.

 
Now allow me to go into more detail as to why Amazon are ██████ have acted in a way which I find somewhat frustrating.

'A nice fifteen minute story.'

Just one of many reviews which give subtle clues that
'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It'
is a story, not an instruction manual.

A few years ago I published a humorous short story entitled 'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It (A Short Story)' on Amazon. My short story had lots of positive feedback from readers and received a number of four and five star reviews, some of which I have included in this blog post.

Obviously to anyone with half a brain it was obvious that 'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It (A Short Story)' was a fictional short story and not a 'How To' guide. However, to clarify that it was a short story, I took the following actions:

1) I included the parenthesised words '(A Short Story)' in the title.
2) I categorised it in the 'fiction' category.
3) I included the following disclaimer in the blurb:

Things that unintentionally made me laugh (part 2: How to survive an ice age)

I recently watched a very amusing TV show which I felt deserved credit for how much it unintentionally made me laugh. The show in question is Snowpiercer, so here's a short summary of the plot:

"Oh no! There's an ice age. What shall we do?"
"I know! Let's build a train!"

Scientists try to save the world, but it turns out they're clueless muppets and they end up making an ice age by mistake. So to survive, mankind decides to build a train that goes round and round the world.

You know, as you do when there's an ice age!

I imagine the planning stage, when faced with this ice age, went something like this:

Nice reviews (part 3)

I've received quite a few reviews since my last round-up of nice reviews, so big thanks to everyone who left a review and gave constructive feedback on Amazon.

There are actually too many reviews to include them all, but here are a few of them...

1) How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It, And Other Short Stories

To start things off, here's a rather nice review of my crime themed collection of short stories entitled 'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It, And Other Short Stories'.

Five stars: "Such a fun read!!"

"I really love this author's sense of humor. Every story was original and very well written. Keep up the good work!! So everyone, try this author out. You won't be disappointed. (I hate being disappointed.) ;)"

Thanks for the encouragement, Peggy, and for the recommendation!

Funny Amazon reviews (part 2)

It's a few years since I last featured funny Amazon reviews on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, so here are a few more silly reviews found on Amazon...

1) Senior woman with asthma inhaler

First up, here's a review of a highly desirable top quality product which surely everybody will want to own...

"Hmm what should we put on the wall?"

"My husband and I have been arguing about what to fill the large wall on the stairs with for months, he wanted a mirror, I wanted a large image of an old woman using an inhaler.

Of course I won."

A mirror!? Her husband sounds like a right weirdo! What kind of freak would put a mirror on a wall!?

Fawlty Tea Rooms

Basil Fawlty is one of the all-time classic soap sitcom characters, and during his time as manager of Fawlty Towers, be came out with some great insults. Here are some insults directed at his wife Sybil:

"My little piranha fish."

"Sybil has spent a hard day slaving under the hairdryer."

"Why don't you have another vat of wine dear?"

"My little piranha fish."

"Why don't you syringe the doughnuts out of your ears?"

When Sybil is trying to remember if she has forgotten anything: "Handbag, knuckle dusters, flick knife?"

When Sybil is going out in the car: "Don't drive over any mines or anything!"

After Sybil complains of having a difficult day: "Oh Dear! Did you get entangled in the eiderdown again? Not enough cream in your eclair? You didn't have time to perm your ears?"

However, it appears that Basil may have a real life rival, if the replies to some of the reviews of The Well Walk Tea Rooms on Trip Advisor are anything to go by.

Before I get to the replies, I should point out that The Well Walk Tea Rooms has an overall rating of 4.5 stars, so any negative reviews are very definitely in the minority. Anyway, check out some of the replies from the manager...

More nice reviews

It's been a few months since I released my short story, 'We Come In Peace', and I'm happy to say I've had a couple of nice reviews. My recent short stories have also been getting a lot more downloads than I usually get, so all in all I'm really pleased.

Here are the reviews of 'We Come In Peace', together with a few reviews of some of my earlier short stories:

1) We Come In Peace

Here's the first review...

"Great short story, funny and clever."

Short story reviews

The covers to some of my recent short stories.

In recent weeks I've published several short stories, and thankfully quite a few of them have had positive reviews.

It's always nice when someone downloads your book or short story, and it's even nicer when a reader leaves positive feedback, so big thanks to anyone who has read any of my short stories, and massive thanks to anyone who has left a review on Amazon.

Here are some of the recent reviews:

Book reviews (part 16)

It's time for another batch of book reviews as Charles Fudgemuffin offers his opinion on books from the genres of humour, mystery and suspense, romantic comedy, and crime, with a round up of reviews of books by authors  Douglas Adams, Stieg Larsson, David Nicholls and Håkan Nesser.

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency
by Douglas Adams

Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency by Douglas Adams – 4.5 / 5.0

I’m a big fan of Douglas Adams so I was pleased to discover within a few pages that Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency has that unmistakable unique Douglas Adams sense of brilliant weirdness about it. Although primarily a comedy book, it also features the sort of imaginatively creative off-the-wall science fiction ideas which Douglas Adams crams into all of his novels.

Although Dirk Gently is maybe not quite in the very same league as The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy books, this is nevertheless still a very enjoyable book so if you’re a fan of ‘Hitchhikers’ then it’s a pretty much safe bet that you will also love this book.

The World According To The Man In The Pub 2

Can a gecko support its entire body weight with only one toe?

I'm a fan of weird trivia and I also like 'true or false' quizzes, so a book which instantly appealed to me was 'The World According To The Man In The Pub 2' by Robert Anwood.

It's full of dubious 'pub facts', i.e. interesting claims which are often reported by pub patrons as facts. In some cases the claims are indeed true, but in other cases the claims are as ridiculous as they sound.

The pub facts are grouped together into various categories, such as science, sports and showbiz, and to give you an idea of what to expect, here's a brief sample of the type of facts and misfacts found in the book. See if you can guess which of the following pub facts are true, and which are fictitious...

1) A gecko's skin is so sticky that it can support its entire body weight clinging upside down to the ceiling by only one toe.
True or false?

Book reviews (part 15)

Charles Fudgemuffin reviews a selection of books from the genres of light humour, general fiction, comedy and historical fiction.

Friends, Lovers, Chocolate by Alexander McCall Smith

Friends, Lovers, Chocolate by Alexander McCall-Smith - 4.2 / 5.0

Nothing much seemed to happen in the first couple of chapters of Friends, Lovers, Chocolate, but once it got going I found myself really looking forward to my daily reading sessions.

Isobel Dalhousie meets a heart transplant patient who believes his new heart has brought with it memories of its previous owner, and Isobel's curious nature means she can't help herself from investigating further.

I have to admit I found the ending slightly disappointing, but overall this was an enjoyable book with some interesting ideas.

Book reviews (part 14)

It's time for another round-up of book reviews and this week I take a look at books from the genres of non-fiction, comedy, action and sci-fi.

A Brief History Of Time by Stephen Hawking

A Brief History Of Time by Stephen Hawking - 3.9 / 5.0

I found some parts of A Brief History Of Time fascinating, but on occasions there were a few sections that were a little less interesting. The enjoyable chapters were the sections where you could quickly read through it and the theories were all fairly straight forward and easy to take in, but there were also other more complicated chapters involving less conventional scenarios (in terms of everyday life), and this was when you had to concentrate a bit more and it felt more like doing homework.

That said, there were one or two sections where Stephen has overlooked some really obvious points, and I suspect it's a case of the 'emperor's new clothes' that no-one has pointed these out to him. Overall though, given the subject matter Stephen Hawking has written a reasonably entertaining book.

Book reviews (part 13)

It's time for another round-up of book reviews, and this week I take a look at books from the genres of crime, humour, crime (again) and non-fiction...

Snow White Must Die by Nele Neuhaus

Snow White Must Die by Nele Neuhaus - 4.5 / 5.0

Snow White Must Die is a crime mystery which focuses on events in a small German village after Tobias Sartorius is released from jail having served a ten year sentence for the double murder of two former girlfriends. There are a lot of plot threads and puzzles to work out, but it all fits together very well and comes across as very plausible, and author Nele Neuhaus provides a well presented ending. Also, the story focuses more on the mystery behind the crimes, rather than the grisly details, which is what I personally prefer.

One small criticism is that I would perhaps have preferred to see some clues or insights into what actually happened provided a little sooner, but all in all this was an enjoyable crime mystery and I'll definitely be loooking out for future translations of Nele Neuhaus' work.

Book reviews (part 12)

It's time for another batch of book related opinions, as I take a look at two books from two of my favourite authors - Alexander McCall Smith and John Grisham - and also a couple of humorous books from other authors...

Morality For Beautiful Girls
by Alexander McCall Smith

Morality For Beautiful Girls by Alexander McCall Smith - 4.5 / 5.0

In this the third book in the No.1 Ladies Detetive Agency series Precious Ramotswe deals with the issue of relocating the detective agency to the offices of Mr J.L.B. Matekoni's garage. She also investigates the out of character behaviour from Rra Matekoni himself, as well as a couple of cases involving an unusual orphan and a potential poisoning.

This is another enjoyable account of Mma Ramotswe's eventful life, and any fans of the first two books will once again appreciate Morality For Beautiful Girls as the format is the same. The narrative also contains the occasional brief passage which summarises the most significant events of the first two books, so this third book could quite easily be read as a stand-alone book by any new readers.

Book reviews (part 11)

It's time for another round-up of book reviews, as I take a look at books from the genres of comedy, crime and thrillers...

The Awkward Detective: The Bone Donor
by Wright Forbucks

The Awkward Detective: The Bone Donor by Wright Forbucks - 4.8 / 5.0

The Awkward Detective: The Bone Donor tells the story of Jason Mashburn who falls for Molly Wilson, a girl who suffers from a rare blood disease. On learning of Molly's condition, Jason decides he is prepared to do whatever it takes to save the girl of his dreams. However, being a Wright Forbucks novel, there are several clever and unexpected twists along the way. The ending in particular was very well written, bringing together the various plot threads and answering all of my questions, and also answering a few questions I didn't realise need answered!

Wright Forbucks is one of my favourite authors and this is another highly original and unique tale featuring his dark offbeat sense of humour.

Giving excellent stuff the credit it deserves (part 3)

Some people are very hard to please...

Previously on the Charles Fudgemufin blog, I've highlighted a selection of gushingly enthusiastic music reviews with confusingly stingy ratings. It's not just music reviewers who give harsh review ratings, so this week I've decided to look at a few similarly stingy reviews focusing on TV shows, movies, and first of all books...

1) Withering Tights by Louise Rennison

Withering Tights: "The most hilarious book ever!"
3 stars.

I'm a big fan of Louise Rennison's 'Angus' books, so I was interested to read this extremely enthusiastic review of her new 'Tallulah Casey' book...

"...this book is insane. It could have easily killed me with its hilarity, and to be entirely honest it might just be the most hilarious, most ridiculous book I've ever read. I wish I read this when I was younger - I'd have loved it! Or well ... it could have easily killed me then. It's just too funny! 3/5"

So just to recap, the 'most hilarious book' you've ever read...
...3 out of 5?

A book so funny it could have killed you...
...3 out of 5?

A book which is so amazingly hilariously funny it has the potential to kill, and yet you give it only 3 out of 5? Seriously!? 3 out of 5!?

!?!?!

Book reviews (part 10)

It's time for another batch of book reviews, and this week I take a look at the varied themes of genocide, teenage school life, revenge and philosophy...

Sudan by Ninie Hammon

Sudan by Ninie Hammon - 4.8 / 5.0

Sudan by Ninie Hammon deals with the government organised genocide in Sudan, so as you'd expect given the subject matter it's pretty heavy reading at times and doesn't pull any punches. It's a fictional story, but all of the horrific events described in the book are based on actual atrocities that have taken place in Sudan.

Author Ninie Hammon doesn't sugar coat things, so the powerful writing will pull on your heart-strings at times, but Sudan is a brilliant book and an important book that deserves and needs to be read by a bigger audience. If it was produced in a way which captured the emotion of the book, then Sudan would also make a very powerful movie or TV series.

Book reviews (part 9)

It's been several months since I last reported on some of the books I've been reading, so here's another batch of book reviews...

The World According To Humphrey by Betty G.Birney

The World According To Humphrey by Betty G. Birney - 4.9 / 5.0

The World According To Humphrey is told through the eyes of Humphrey the Hamster, the classroom pet of room 26. The kids take it in turns to look after Humphrey for the weekend, and on his travels Humphrey gets up to all sorts of interesting adventures, and manages to help the children's families solve a few problems along the way.

It's a book intended for children, but it's written in a lovely heart-warming style, and Humphrey is such a likeable little character that you can't help but enjoy his adventures, however old you are. I loved it and I suspect that many adults who still have a fun side to them will also love this book, as it's written in such a magical way. Highly recommended for kids of all ages!

Funny Amazon reviews

Tongue in cheek reviews found online...

Internet reviews are a great way of praising excellent products or warning of less than great customer service. Sometimes though, as well as being informative, many reviews are also entertaining. Here's a selection of reviews found on Amazon which made me chuckle...

1) What a bargain!

Unfortunately I don't own an 85" TV so I had to
make do with this photo of an 18" TV instead.

First up is a review of a top of the range cutting edge 85" Samsung TV. Yes, that's right ... an 85 inch screen! As you'd expect for such a large TV, the price is also quite large, and the TV clocks in at a few dollars under forty grand! ($39,997.99 to be precise.) It's a great TV, but at such an exhorbitant price there may be financial implications for anyone buying one, as highlighted by this first review:

"This TV is fan freaking tastic!!!! We are now living in the box it came in but even that is roomy and quite comfy!!!!"

Perhaps the first reviewer should have paid attention to the wise words of the following helpful reviewer who travelled back from the future to leave some very useful advice:

"I am coming back from the future to write this review, and to let everyone know you can buy this TV for $699 in 2015. It still looks great though."

I suspect the bit about travelling from the future may actually be made up, but I wouldn't be surprised if the 2015 price turned out to be true.

How not to write a helpful book review

Three unhelpful but amusing book reviews.

A few months ago I offered my opinion on how to write a helpful book review, and as a follow-up I thought it would be interesting to take a look at the flipside of the coin, namely how not to write a helpful book review. So to illustrate some of the pitfalls to avoid, here are a selection of poorly written book reviews found on Amazon...

"Many tourists visit Egypt every year but I couldn't
tell you what it's like because I've never been. 3/5."
...Travel News Magazine (#NotReally)

1) The Works Of Edgar Allen Poe (Volume 4) by Edgar Allen Poe

First up is a book 'review' which highlights perhaps the most important thing of all to consider when writing a book review. It's a review of The Works Of Edgar Allen Poe (Volume 4), and the review reads:

"I got this because it was free but I have not got around to reading it yet. 3/5"

I had to chuckle at the reply that someone has left:

"Thanks - really informative. It is always useful to read a book review from someone who has not read it."

So my first tip for anyone writing a book review would perhaps be an obvious one. When writing a book review, always ensure that you have actually read the book before you review it!