I'll get straight to the point. Amazon are ██████! (Editor's comment: Charles, you can't say that! I've therefore taken the liberty of censoring your comment, and replacing it with the following more diplomatic response.) Amazon have acted in a way which I find somewhat frustrating.
Now allow me to go into more detail as to why Amazon
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| 'A nice fifteen minute story.' Just one of many reviews which give subtle clues that 'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It' is a story, not an instruction manual. |
Obviously to anyone with half a brain it was obvious that 'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It (A Short Story)' was a fictional short story and not a 'How To' guide. However, to clarify that it was a short story, I took the following actions:
1) I included the parenthesised words '(A Short Story)' in the title.
2) I categorised it in the 'fiction' category.
3) I included the following disclaimer in the blurb:
"For the avoidance of any doubt, 'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It' is a short story. It is not an instruction manual."
My short story also received numerous positive reviews which made absolutely clear that this was a short story, such as the nice review below:
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| 'Unfortunately for those with murderous intent, this is NOT a text book, and the author's name gives away the fact that this is just a humorous story.' A 4 star review from an Amazon Top 50 reviewer. |
When I wrote the disclaimer, I have to admit that it wasn't intended as a serious disclaimer. I obviously assumed that no-one would be stupid enough to ever think that Amazon would publish a guide marketed at potential murderers. I assumed Amazon customers would have a degree of competence sufficient to realise for themselves, even without the disclaimer, that this was a work of fiction, and not an illegal instruction manual aimed at mariticidal women.
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| 'Face (sic.) product.' She means fake, but either way the review was slanderous, as my short story was neither fake, nor face related. |
However, it turned out that one potentially murderous reader from India did in fact buy my short story in the foolish belief that it was an instruction manual, because they left the following false and slanderous review:
"Fake product. Please don't buy."
Fake product!? It was not a fake product! Again, I took numerous actions to make it abundantly clear that this was a work of fiction, not a 'How To' guide. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that these clarifications would be necessary, because I wrongly assumed that all Amazon customers weren't total imbeciles. However, it turned out I was wrong.
So here are two pieces of advice for that disgruntled reader on Amazon India who left the slanderous review...
1) Firstly, in future, read the blurb. Your disappointment on discovering my short story was actually a short story as advertised, and not a guide explaining how to poison your husband without detection, could have been avoided if you had only read the blurb.
2) Secondly, if you're planning on murdering your husband, don't write a review on Amazon which basically admits:
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| 'Found myself giggling at times.' Another positive review from an intelligent reader who realised that this is a short story. |
Because if you do eventually succeed in murdering your husband at some point in the future, you've kind of already made a confession in your Amazon review admitting your murderous plans for the whole world to see!
When I first read the review, I have to admit it initially brought me a degree of amusement. I have to admit that I found it funny that there was someone out there who was so stupid that they actually thought Amazon would sell instruction manuals marketed at murderous mariticidal women plotting to poison their husbands. However, after I reported the slanderous review to Amazon, my amusement later turned to frustration and annoyance.
To my surprise, Amazon didn't remove the slanderous review.
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| 'Face product. Please don't buy.' |
Like ... what!? Why!? Why would Amazon side with a slanderous murderous woman and unpublish my short story which was clearly advertised as a short story and which had received several positive reviews making it abundantly clear that it was a humorous short story?
Once again it was not a fake product. It is extremely unfair that Amazon have unpublished 'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It (A Short Story)' as it was not a fake product. Nor was it a 'face' product. It was a short story and was clearly advertised as a short story.
An illiterate mariticidal woman in India has bought my short story hoping to find ideas for how to poison her husband and get away with it, and was subsequently left disappointed to discover that 'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It (A Short Story)' is in fact a humorous short story as advertised, and not an instruction manual, and incredibly when this foolish mariticidal reader has then left a slanderous - not to mention self-implicatory - review, Amazon have sided with the slanderous murderous reader!
Joking aside, I'm not a lawyer, but to my untrained eye, it feels like Amazon have acted illegally in two ways:
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| 'Such a fun read! I really love this author's sense of humor.' Another subtle clue that this is a short story. |
2) Under UK law, Amazon are required to treat everyone with equality, 'irrespective of race, gender, disability, or religion'. Amazon are legally required to assume the same degree of competence for all of their customers. Yet they clearly haven't done this.
If a UK reader left a slanderous review, Amazon would remove it. Stupidity is not an excuse for slander. Amazon are therefore legally required to apply a similar degree of competence to all their readers. They clearly haven't done this. Amazon have applied an extreme level of stupidity for their customer in India who left the slanderous review.
However, obviously legal action is a hassle that should always be avoided if possible. I have numerous short stories available for kindle on Amazon, so if Amazon unfairly remove one of my short stories, while frustrating, it's nevertheless not the end of the world. In the first instance I'll therefore be contacting Amazon to ask if they have any internal mediatory department that can resolve the issue in a satisfactory manner. Hopefully it was just a stupid mistake on Amazon's part by a low level badly trained employee who suffers from the bigotry of low expectations.
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| 'This is a really humorous story'. Another five star review from a reader who was able to grasp that this is a story. |
Anyway, as I say, I'll be contacting Amazon to ask if they have an internal mediation department who can try to reach a satisfactory conclusion, and I'll post an update at some point in future to report on how I get on.
Hopefully, Amazon will see sense, reverse their stupid bigoted decision, and republish my short story.
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Sadly, 'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It (A Short Story)' is no longer available on Amazon.
However, my light-hearted crime themed short story collection in which it originally appeared 'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It, And Other Short Stories', remains available for kindle on Amazon.
Please note, given that Amazon have demonstrated that they side with slanderous murderous reviewers over honest authors, I have taken pre-emptive action to avoid a similar thing happening again, and personally removed 'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It, And Other Short Stories' from sale in India. It remains available in the rest of the world.
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