Funny things kids say (part 12)

It's time for another round up of funny things that kids say. As usual the following quotes are from a variety of sources, most of them from the internet, and one or two from real life.

Beautiful stars.
So beautiful, they're worth staying up past your bedtime for.

1) The glory of creation

Here's a kid with an appreciation for the beauty of the Universe:

Kid: "Mommy, if we are supposed to sleep at night why did God make stars so beautiful?"

Credit: @MadHatterMommy

Very true, although I suspect the kid in question was just trying to stay up past their bedtime.

Funny things kids say (part 11)

It's been over a year since my last round-up of amusing comments by children, but the wait is finally over! That's because this week the Charles Fudgemuffin features another long overdue batch of funny things that kids say.

Cabbages.
Surely the dream of all those who aspire to be rich.

1) Vegetables are a girl's best friend

To start things off, here's an interview from an amusing old TV show:

Interviewer: "What would you buy if you were rich?"
Kid: "Cabbages! And lettuce, and carrots."

I have to admit, cabbages aren't the first thing I'd buy if I came into money, but each to their own.

2) The voice of experience?

"Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick."
...Lauren, 9.

I can't help wondering, was she talking from personal experience?

Funny things kids say (part 10)

A theme I often like to feature on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog is funny quotes by kids. In fact it's featured so often that this is the tenth instalment of 'funny things kids say'!

Anyway, here's another collection of amusing things said by kids...

One kid would rather have a puppy than a brother or sister.

1) Kid's best friend

To start things off, here's a conversation from a video clip that was posted on twitter by @FunnymanPage.

Parent: "Do you want a brother or a sister?"
Kid: "A puppy!"

To be fair, puppies are pretty cool.

2) Incredible!

This funny story from the giraffian website made me chuckle:

My daughter was watching me while I was on facebook, and saw my 'friends'. One of my friends has an image of Edna from The Incredibles as her profile photo, a movie our family loves, especially my daughter! In total amazement, she immediately said, "You know EDNA!?!?!"

It must be so exciting as a kid to discover your parent is apparently friends with one of your favourite cartoon characters!

Funny things kids say (Christmas edition)

Kids say the funniest things at every time of year, but this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog specifically takes a look at funny things kids say relating to Christmas, starting with an unusual Christmas list inclusion posted by one of my friends on facebook...

"Dear Santa, For Christmas please can I have..."

1) An unusual request

"We've been talking about what the kids want for Christmas and Thomas just said what he really wants from Santa is chest hairs! He's a one off."

I have to admit that when I was younger and I wrote out my Christmas list, chest hairs was never something I asked for.

2) All dolls great and small

I love the way this next conversation highlights the creative ways that kids will justify the need for more stuff...

Funny things kids say (part 9)

According to the saying, "Kids say the funniest things," so as has become quite a habit on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, here's another collection of funny things kids say taken from the internet and real life...

"You could reach it if you weren't so nearly tall."

1) Height is in the eye of the beholder

To start things off, here's a unique perspective from my cousin's 3 year old daughter...

Grandad: "You're short."
3 year old: "No, I'm not short. I'm nearly tall."

She's definitely a 'glass half full' kind of person!

2) Library larcenists

If you don't follow @XplodingUnicorn on twitter, then you're missing out on amusing tweets like this one from a trip to the library...

5 year old: "How much does this book cost?"
Me: "It's free."
5 year old: "Are we stealing?"

Funny things kids say (part 8)

One of my favourite themes to feature on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog is my occasional series of blog posts entitled 'Funny things kids say' featuring amusing quotes and nuggets of wisdom from kids.

As I've mentioned before, one of my favourite pieces of advice is 'Do more or what makes you happy', so in keeping with my own advice, what better way to end the year than with another collection of funny things kids say taken as usual from the internet and real life...

Editor: "Charles, it's not that type of kid."
Charles: "Oh, that's a relief. Otherwise it would have
just been 10 quotes going, "Bleat! Bleat! Bleat!

1) The voice of experience

To start things off, here are some wise words which I suspect come from the voice of experience...

"When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair."

2) Loophole

Here's a conversation from reddit featuring a kid who is an expert at finding loopholes...

Funny things kids say (part 7)

Kids say the funniest things - often unintentionally - so with that in mind it's time for another collection of funny things kids say. As usual the following quotes are taken from facebook, twitter and real life...

"How did I get in here?"

1) Smart kid

Parents should always encourage their children, but here's an example where that encouragement didn't go exactly to plan...

Parent: "If you put your mind to it, you can achieve anything you want to."
6 year old: *thinks for a minute* "Well I couldn’t get inside a milk bottle!"
Parent: "Okay. Everything but that."

He's got a point!

Funny things kids say (part 6)

Once again it's time on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog for another collection of funny things that kids say. The following quotes come from facebook, twitter, and real life...

"Amusing contrivances urchins sayeth (part 6)."

1) Diplomacy skills (part 1)

This was posted by a facebook friend:

Katie: "Mam, did you come from the Tudor times?"
Me: "I know I have grey hair, but how old do think I am!?" 😡😂

As a reminder, the Tudor period was from 1485 to 1603!

2) Kid geography

Here's one involving a class full of Marvel fans...

"My nephew has a new classmate from Zimbabwe and upon discovering that Zimbabwe is in Africa (these kids are 6), the first thing everyone asked him is if he'd been to Wakanda. His reply, "No, there are force fields around it."

And also because Wakanda isn't real. In fact mainly the not real part.

Funny things kids say (part 5)

It's been almost a year since my last batch of funny comments by kids, so here are a few more funny things said by kids. Once again, the names have been changed to protect the (not so) innocent.

Beautiful lake, or fiery volcano.
You decide.

1) A smart kid

Some kids can be wise beyond their years...

"My daughter has a valid point... Why do we say, “Go jump in a lake”? Jumping in a lake can be quite nice. We should say, “Go jump in an active volcano.”

Wise, and also quite sadistic.

2) Young love

Here's one kid who already has her future love life planned out...

Mother: "Pearl, what would you do if two boys were fighting over you?"
Pearl: "I would run away and say, “You’re both idiots!”

Funny things kids say (part 4)

According to the saying, 'Kids say the funniest things,' so this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features another selection of funny quotes from kids.  First up, here's a tweet from a father with a really loving daughter...

Here's a photo for @WheelTod's daughter.

1) Love at first bite

Me to 2 year old daughter: "I love you."
Daughter: "I love looking at pictures of sharks."

Unfortunately, his daughter's love is for sharks, apparently, not for her parent!

Tweet by @WheelTod

Funny things kids say (part 3)

Dinosaur, pictured on his wedding day...
(See below.)

My previous blog posts on the theme of 'funny things kids say' always seem to get a lot of page views, so here's another round-up of 'kidisms', featuring such random subjects as hair transplants, dinosaurs, and tennis goggles.

The following are taken from real life, twitter and facebook, with twitter links included where applicable, and to start things off here's one example where kids take things literally...

1) Hair today, gone tomorrow

Here's one from the paper...

Daughter: "Mammy, why have I got brown hair and you've got blonde hair?"
Mother: "It's cos you got your hair from your dad."
Daughter: "Oh, so that's why he's bald!"

Funny things kids say (part 2)

More amusing comments by kids to bring
a smile to a green teddy bear's face.

Here are a few more funny kids' comments taken from facebook, twitter, and real life. Some comments include compliments, and some demonstrate inappropriate honesty. Credit/links are provided to the original tweeters (just for the ones from twitter, not for the ones from real life).

Once again, the names have been changed to protect the 'innocent'.

1) Truthful youth or youthful truth?

An adult would probably get criticised for making this first comment, but a 5 year old kid can get away with it...

"Daughter: 'Boys are dumber than girls. Everyone knows it!'
Parent: 'That's sexist.'
Daughter: 'Does sexist mean true?'"

Credit: @XplodingUnicorn

How does Santa spend his free time?

Santa Claus, pictured in his spare time.

If you've ever wondered how Santa Claus spends his free time, then wonder no more!  Photobox recently conducted a survey asking kids aged five to eight to describe what Santa gets up to when he isn't delivering presents, and some of the results were a little surprising.

According to the creative kids surveyed, football, hibernation, and romance were just a few of Santa's lesser known pastimes.  Read on to discover a few more of the things that Santa apparently likes to do in his spare time...

1) Kids apparently believe that Santa's Christmas duties leave him extremely tired out, so to recover he spends all of January asleep next to a cosy fire!


2) Santa regains his energy by February, however, when he spends the entire month writing romantic love letters to Mrs Claus!


3) A quarter of kids think Santa keeps fit by playing football with his elves.  Surprisingly, this isn't quite as ridiculous as it sounds, as there is actually a real football club in Finland called FC Santa Claus!  And as you'd expect, the team wears a red and white football strip!

Funny things kids say

Cuddly toys for 'cuddly' parents.

This week I feature a collection of amusing comments by kids, taken from facebook and twitter (links to original tweeters provided).

The names have been changed to protect the innocent...

1) Cuddly parents

To start things off, here’s a status posted by a facebook friend with a very diplomatic daughter…

“My 8 year old daughter just said, “You know, some people think they are fat when they are really not ... they are just cuddly. And you are the second most cuddly person I know!”

Ha, ha! That's the type of compliment that only a kid could get away with.

Small Pots Also Have Ears

A free short story from Charles Fudgemuffin

The 'peacocking' marketing strategy.
Thumbnails are very small on Amazon and
other ebook sites, so I've therefore gone for
a garishly colourful cover to attract attention.

I’ve mentioned before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog that a cool Swedish saying I like is the expression ‘Small Pots Also Have Ears’. In case you’re wondering, it basically means that children listen in to adult conversations and take in more than you realise.

Most parents can probably relate to the saying, and in fact I like it so much that I used it as the theme for a short story I’ve recently published called … ‘Small Pots Also Have Ears’! In keeping with the Swedish saying, it deals with the theme of kids listening in to their parents’ conversations and then perhaps not being quite as discrete about things as their parents would have liked!

It’s only a very short read consisting of three short chapters, and a typical reader will probably read it in no more than ten to fifteen minutes. You can currently download it for free from iBooks, Kobo, B&N, Payhip, Smashwords or by direct download. You can also read it online at Wattpad.

It’s a stand alone story, so you can dive straight in and you don’t have to have read any previous books prior to reading ‘Small Pots Also Have Ears’. However, anyone who has read some of my early books may recognise the characters of Jake, Jake’s mam, Jake’s dad and Auntie Charine who appeared very briefly (blink and you’d miss them) in one of my early scifi books.