Saturday, 16 April 2016

Funny Things Kids Say (Part 2)

Compliments, giraffes, and inappropriate honesty...

More amusing comments by kids to bring
a smile to a green teddy bear's face.
Here are a few more funny kids' comments from facebook, twitter, and real life with credit/links to the original tweeters (just for the ones from twitter, not for the ones from real life).  Once again, the names have been changed to protect the 'innocent'.

1) Truthful youth or youthful truth?

An adult would probably get criticised for making this first comment, but a 5 year old kid can get away with it...

"Daughter: 'Boys are dumber than girls. Everyone knows it!'
Parent: 'That's sexist.'
Daughter: 'Does sexist mean true?'"

2) A trustworthy confidant

This comment from my cousin's daughter made me laugh...

"I can keep a secret, but the people I tell can't!"

3) Start again from the beginning

I can just imagine the frustration of this next scenario...

"Imagine being 5 minutes from the end of the longest movie ever and it starts over because it forgot something.  That's my kid telling a story."

An ear, for decorative purposes only.

4) Decoration only

Here's a quote which many parents can probably relate to...

"Having kids has taught me that their ears are for decorative purposes only."

5) Planetary Dwarf Planetary Celebrations

This next comment comes from a kid with a keen interest in astronomy...

"I wish I lived on Pluto, then my birthday would happen every six days!"

That's the plus side, but on the negative side, you'd have to cope with temperatures as low as -240 Celsius, and an atmosphere made up of nitrogen and methane.  Also, they've got their facts wrong because a year on Pluto actually lasts for 248 Earth years (not 6 days - that's the length of a Pluto day).  So unless they broke the world record* for the oldest person ever to live (unlikely given the freezing conditions and the methane), they would therefore in fact celebrate no birthdays, as they'd be dead before they even reached their first birthday.

In light of the above, Charles Fudgemuffin does not therefore recommend living on Pluto.

* Or should that be 'Plutonian' record?

6) Blind Enthusiasm

You've got to love the enthusiasm of kids...

Mother: "We're going to panto today."
Isabella: "Yaaaaayyyyyyy!!!"
Mother: "Do you know what panto is?"
Isabella: "No."

A giraffe for a parent.
A fair swap?

7) Daughterly love

One loving daughter decided she would like to swap her mother for an unusual pet...

"Zoey has just told me she would like to 'get rid of me and get a giraffe.'"

8) Inappropriate honesty

Some kids have yet to discover the concept of tact...

Young kid: 'Hey Mrs. Bloggs, you got a big haircut!'
Mrs Bloggs: 'I did! Thanks for noticing.'
Young kid: 'It looked better long.'

9) How to avoid hurting your parents' feelings...

And even when kids do learn the concept of how to spare someone's feelings, they still haven't quite mastered it...

"My kids are so cute when I try new recipes. They give me compliments such as, 'I liked it but I never want to have it again.'"

As you can see, the application form was completed
many years ago when I had a lot more hair...
...although I still have two eyes!

10) When Charles Fudgemuffin was a kid...

Finally, I made the occasional silly comment myself when I was just a kid.  I remember once filling in an application form to join the Plug* fan club, and as you can see from my answers below, when filling out the personal details section, I didn't quite understand some of the questions...

Eyes: Two
Hair: Lots of

*Plug from the Bash Street Kids from The Beano.

The short story 'Small Pots Also Have Ears' features one young kid who makes unintentionally amusing comments, and you can download it for free from Payhip, Smashwords, and by direct download.  You can also read it for free online at Wattpad.  Alternatively, if you prefer spending money rather than getting things for free, you can purchase it from Amazon for £0.99/$0.99.

You can read more amusing comments by kids in my previous blog posts:
The Wisdom Of Kids
Funny Things Kids Say (Part 1)

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About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.