Random Christmas thoughts (part 2)

Christmas Day is here again! Merry Christmas to everyone who read the Charles Fudgemuffin blog this year, and I'll leave you with these random Christmas related thoughts...

"... and a happy new year!"

1) Hearing bumps and crashes in your house on Christmas night would be terrifying for adults, but exciting for children.



2) The person who wrote 'We wish you a Merry Christmas' was too lazy to write two songs for two separate occasions.

Charles Fudgemuffin's Christmas letter to Santa

As Christmas time approaches, it's time to get writing our letters to Santa. Here's mine:

Charles Fudgemuffin's Christmas list.

"Dear Santa,

Before I list the presents I would like for Christmas, I thought I would first mention that I've been very good this year.

Well, okay then, I've been good for most of the year.
Well, I've been good some of the time.

Okay, I've been good every once in a while.

Fine. Forget it. I'll buy my own presents!

Yours sincerely,

Charles Fudgemuffin"

- - - - - - - - - -

Merry Christmas to all readers of the Charles Fudgemuffin blog!

Controversial Christmas questions

Here on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I've regularly featured Christmas themed blog posts every Christmas, and I've also occasionally featured blog posts on controversial questions. However, this week I combine the two, as I take a look at controversial Christmas questions.

Merry Christmas from Charles Fudgemuffin!

Where do you stand on the following controversial Christmas questions?

1) When should you put your Christmas decorations up?

I'm a big fan of Christmas decoarations. Last Christmas on the way to work I used to walk past a street where every house was done out in spectacular Christmas decorations, and it looked impressive and always put me in a good mood (at least until I got to work!).

However, when is the optimum time to put your decorations up?

10 Christmas jokes (part 4)

Christmas is only a few days away, so to celebrate here's another batch of Christmas and Santa themed jokes...

Santa, Blitzen and Rudolf.

1) I put Rudolf and Blitzen on eBay the other day, but no-one bid for them.
They were two deer.


2) Grandma: "What are you giving Mom and Dad for Christmas?"
Young kid: "A list of everything I want!"


3) How did Mary and Joseph figure out baby Jesus was exactly 7lb 9oz?
They had a weigh in a manger

10 Christmas jokes (part 3)

As it's only a week or so until Christmas, here's another round-up of Christmas themed jokes...

Santa wearing a Christmas jumper.

1) When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?
Every year!


2) What do you get if you cross Santa Claus and a frog?
A Christmas jumper.


3) What did Adam say to Eve on Christmas Day?
Adam: "It's Christmas, Eve!"
Eve: "No, that was yesterday."


4) What did Adam say to Eve on Christmas Eve?
Adam: "It's Christmas Eve, Eve!"
Eve: "Technically speaking, Christmas Eve Eve would be the day before Christmas Eve, and that was yesterday...

10 Christmas themed jokes (part 2)

Merry Christmas!

To help everyone get in the mood for Christmas, here's another round-up of Christmas themed jokes featuring festive vampires, anatine Santas, and bald men.

Be warned though, that some of these jokes are quite cheesy...

1) What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the standard alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet only has 25 letters because it has no L (Noel).


2) What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas quacker.


3) Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can 'Hoe, hoe, hoe!'

Is Santa Claus real?

As anyone who's read 'Santa and the Naughty Elf' by my younger brother, Charles Fudgemuffin, Jr, will know, Santa Claus is very real indeed. But what does Siri have to say on the matter? I asked Siri for her opinion on whether Santa Claus is real or not, and as you can see below, she had quite a bit to say on the subject.

We also chatted about a few other Christmas related subjects, so here are a few quotes from our conversation.

1) "Is Santa Claus real?"

First up I asked Siri a question that everyone wonders at one point in their life...

"Hey Siri, is Santa Claus real?"

Santa themed 'would you rather?' dilemmas

I'm a big fan of 'Would You Rather?' dilemmas, so as it's Christmas I thought it would be topical to take a look at a selection of Santa/Christmas related 'Would You Rather?' scenarios. So put aside reality for a moment and decide what options you would go for if you found yourself with the following hypothetical choices...

Santa or Star Wars?

1) Santa versus Star Wars

The first dilemma offers you the chance to live in one of two fantasy worlds, as you're granted a choice between living in a world where Santa Claus is real*, or living in the Star Wars universe. They're both appealing options, as free toys for everyone on the nice list (such as myself) would be really cool, but so would going for a ride in the Millenium Falcon.

* Much like our own world where Santa is also real.

How does Santa spend his free time?

Santa Claus, pictured in his spare time.

If you've ever wondered how Santa Claus spends his free time, then wonder no more!  Photobox recently conducted a survey asking kids aged five to eight to describe what Santa gets up to when he isn't delivering presents, and some of the results were a little surprising.

According to the creative kids surveyed, football, hibernation, and romance were just a few of Santa's lesser known pastimes.  Read on to discover a few more of the things that Santa apparently likes to do in his spare time...

1) Kids apparently believe that Santa's Christmas duties leave him extremely tired out, so to recover he spends all of January asleep next to a cosy fire!


2) Santa regains his energy by February, however, when he spends the entire month writing romantic love letters to Mrs Claus!


3) A quarter of kids think Santa keeps fit by playing football with his elves.  Surprisingly, this isn't quite as ridiculous as it sounds, as there is actually a real football club in Finland called FC Santa Claus!  And as you'd expect, the team wears a red and white football strip!

Santa and the Naughty Elf

A festively themed new book by Charles Fudgemuffin's younger brother...

'Santa and the Naughty Elf'
Available for Kindle from Amazon.

I don't usually feature books by other authors on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, but this week I highlight a new book with a Christmas theme written by my younger brother ... Charles Fudgemuffin, Jr!

The book in question is entitled 'Santa And The Naughty Elf' and as the name suggests it tells the story of a naughty elf whose devious plans could ruin Christmas for everyone!  This is the blurb...

"Santa Claus has gone missing and his replacement, Neville the Naughty Elf, is getting up to all sorts of mischief while Santa is away. In fact if Neville succeeds in his despicable plans, this could turn into the most miserable Christmas ever!

Two of Santa’s loyal elves, Derek Droopy-Ears and Elvis Curly-Toes, are determined to do everything they can to stop Neville from ruining Christmas for everyone, but will they be able to track Santa down before it’s too late? Or will naughty Neville succeed and spoil Christmas for all the nice kids all around the world?"

10 Santa and Christmas jokes

A few festive riddles for Christmas.

Santa taking a quick break from his festive
responsibilities to pose for a photo.

Santa is perhaps regarded by many people as an old fashioned figure who likes to uphold traditions. However, in actual fact Santa likes to think of himself as a hip and streetwise dude in touch with all the latest trends.

In fact on his journey around the world on Christmas Eve, Santa is planning to stop at every house to take a selfie. This may add some time to his journey, so kids are therefore asked to show some patience if Santa is a few hours late with their presents. Rest assured that he will arrive eventually.

As well as being hip and up-to-date, Santa is also famous for his catchphrase, "Ho! Ho! Ho!", so he obviously enjoys a laugh and has a good sense of humour. So to celebrate the festive period, here are a few Santa and Christmas themed jokes. Be warned though, that most of these puns are very cheesy and are aimed at a younger audience.

1) What did Santa suffer from when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claustrophobia.


2) What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!

Christmas memes

I'm feeling in a festive mood, so here are a few memes based on a Christmas theme.

1) Talking rubbish

The first meme is two bins discussing whether Santa Claus is real or not, and it features a cheesy punchline.

Bin 1: "Santa Claus isn't real."
Bin 2: "You're talking rubbish!"

For the benefit of any American readers, that translates as:

Bin 1: "Santa Claus isn't real."
Bin 2: "You're talking garbage!"

Santa Claus arrives on the roof on Christmas Eve

Bringing the magic of Santa to life for kids with a free Santa mp3.

Santa Claus arriving on the roof on Christmas Eve.

A couple of weeks ago a mate of mine mentioned a cool idea he had for Christmas Eve. His plan was to record and mix a soundtrack of Santa Claus arriving on the roof and delivering his presents. Then on Christmas Eve he would place some speakers in the loft above his kid's bedroom, and just as his kid was about to go to sleep he would play the Santa soundtrack so that it sounds as if Santa is landing on the roof and delivering his presents.

It sounded quite ambitious but also a really cool idea, and I can imagine how exciting it would be for a young child to hear Santa arriving on the roof on Christmas Eve. Anyway, we recorded the soundtrack and I have to say we were both really pleased with the finished results.

Searching for Santa on Google

The curious nature of kids when using Google to investigate Santa.

Santa taking a well deserved break
from his present delivering duties.

In one of my previous posts, I mentioned that as well as the Google search engine, Google also have a service known as the Google Keyword Tool which allows you to analyse how many searches a particular search term gets on Google every month.

Some of the search terms I discussed were the search term, ‘Is Santa real?’, which gets 301,000 searches every month from quizzical and possibly sceptical kids, and also, ‘What is Santa’s real phone number?’, which gets 320 searches per month.

As it’s only a few days until Christmas I therefore thought this would be an appropriate time to feature another post on Santa related searches on Google.

The most popular Santa themed Google search I could find was the massively popular, ‘Where is Santa at?’, which gets an incredible 83,100,000 searches every month. By comparison the search term, ‘What’s the true meaning of Christmas?’, gets a paltry 170 searches per month, so it’s nice to know that modern kids seem to have their priorities straight!

True or false: Six Santa themed 'facts' for Christmas

Naughty kids, green Santa suits and fermented ant droppings.

With Christmas quickly approaching, this week I've compiled a list of six Santa themed ‘facts’ to test people on how sharp they are at spotting a bluff and how astute they are at recognising the truth. Just to clarify, some of these Santa ‘facts’ are true but others are entirely made up.

Santa Claus pictured with a strange child-sized object in his sack.

Anyway, these are the Santa related ‘facts’ so have a read and see if you can guess which ones are true and which are made up, then check the answers at the bottom of the page to see how well you did.

Fact 1 - Swiss Santa's helper kidnaps naughty kids in his sack.

In the UK and many other countries parents often scare their kids into behaving in the run-up to Christmas by telling them that if they’re naughty then Santa won’t bring them any presents. While you could say this was a slightly cruel lie to tell kids, in Switzerland they take things one step further by telling kids that if they are naughty, Santa's helper 'Schmutzli' will kidnap them by putting them into his sack and then carrying them off into the woods.

True or false?

Santa Claus, camper vans and Swedish girls

An analysis of some unusual Google searches.

When most people think of Google they probably think first and foremost of the Google search engine, then maybe after that they perhaps think of things like Google Earth and Gmail.

Searching for Santa on Google.

However, another cool gizmo which Google have is the Google Keywords Tool which is a fun way to pass the time if you ever have a spare half hour or so (especially if you’re easily amused like me). It’s actually designed to help potential Google advertisers find useful key phrases to advertise on, but I use it to discover and explore some of the weird phrases that people actually search for on Google.

For example, did you know that every month 91 people actually search for: