Random Christmas thoughts

It's only a few days until Christmas, so here are a few random Christmas related thoughts...

Please note, the above list is intended purely
for illustrative purposes, and is not intended as a
true reflection of which children have been naughty.

1) The optimum time to be naughty

Santa keeps a list of everyone who has been naughty each year, so the best time to be naughty is from December 26th to December 31st.  It's too late for Santa to put you on the naughty list for the current year because you've already received your Christmas presents, and it's too early for him to put you on the naughty list for next year, because the new naughty list doesn't start until January 1st.

2) Ignore my previous comment

Look at all those toys for cats!

Oops!  I shouldn't have told anyone about this loophole until December 26th!  Now Santa will know that I've been telling people how to get around the rules and he might put me on the naughty list!

Please ignore the previous comment and pretend you never read it.  Then come back on December 26th and read it then.

3) Christmas tree

Every Christmas cat owners put up a Christmas tree and basically hang cat toys from it, then shout at their cats whenever they play with the toys.

4) Happy birthday Christmas

Let's spare a moment's thought for everyone born on Christmas Day who gets 'twice as many presents' because it's also your birthday.  Yes, of course you do.

Reports that Santa has cloned himself to allow himself
more time to deliver all his presents are believed to be false.

5) Santa is real!

Wouldn't it be weird if Santa was actually real but because everyone in the world is naughty at some time or another, it means that everyone is on the naughty list and no-one gets any presents from Santa, so that's why parents have to buy presents and pretend they're from Santa.

6) Extra time

If you've ever wondered how Santa has time to visit every house in the world in only one night, then remember that of course not every house is in the same time zone.  This in effect gives Santa an extra twenty three hours to deliver all his presents!

"Wow!  Just what I wanted!"

7) Socks!  Great!

As a kid, getting clothes for a Christmas present teaches you a number of lessons.  It teaches you how to lie because you pretend you aren't disappointed, and it teaches you about diplomacy which creates the urge to hide your disappointment in the first place.



To round thing off, here are a few tips courtesy of The Grinch...

8) How to be very naughty

If you leave a glass of milk for Santa an Christmas Eve and you put sleeping pills in the milk, he'll fall asleep and you can steal everyone else's presents!

"Right!  That's it!  Another one's going on the fire!"

9) Cruel trick

Tip for cruel parents: After you put your kids' real Christmas presents under the tree, also wrap up a few empty boxes in Christmas wrapping paper.  Then each time they are naughty throw one of fake presents on the fire as a punishment.

10) Early to bed...

A rather sneaky trick I heard from one parent was to tell your children that Santa knows when you're asleep and won't come to your house until you're asleep.  Follow this up by saying at the start of the night Santa has lots of great presents but by the end of the night he's given out most of the best presents, so the sooner you get to sleep the more chance you have of getting some of the best presents!

Merry Christmas everyone!