Bad advice (part 2)

Before I get started with this week's blog post, here's a quick legal disclaimer:

Please note: The advice contained in this article is clearly labelled as bad advice. For anyone who has trouble following simple instructions, that means it would be foolish to follow it.

A bed, pictured after an argument between a husband and a wife.

Charles Fudgemuffin accepts no liability in the event that any fools happen to be reading this, and decide to ignore my warning and follow the bad advice anyway. Anyone who does follow the bad advice, does so at their own risk.

Okay, now that the legal formalities are out of the way, let's move straight on to the bad advice...

1) Husbands. Turn any sofa into a bed by telling your wife to calm down.

Top tips (part 7)

If you're looking for daft advice of a non-serious nature, then you've come to the right place!

Credit: imgur

That's because this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features another round up of lighthearted top tips.

1) When ice fishing, bring an action figure of yourself to exaggerate the size of your catch.




2) Pretend to be a footballer by refusing to go into work because you've 'picked up a niggle'.




3) Tired of ironing shirts? Simply pile on the pounds and watch those creases disappear as your clothes get tighter.

Top tips for parents

I occasionally like to feature silly top tips on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, and as tomorrow is Father's Day, this week's batch of top tips are all aimed at parents. Please note, the following tips are not meant to be taken seriously. That said, some of them do contain a grain of truth.

Breakfast cereal, ideal for anyone looking for a high sugar diet.
(Excluding Shredded Wheat, which has no sugar.)

To start off, here's a parenting tip that most parents can probably relate to...

1) If your kids suddenly start getting along and are nice to each other for no reason, be very, very suspicious.

Credit: @Cheeseboy22



2) Find out what cereal you don't have by asking your kids what they want for breakfast.

Top Tips (part 6)

If there's one thing the world needs more of, it's silly advice of a non-serious nature. Coincidentally, that's exactly what this week's blog post features, as this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog collects another round-up of lighthearted top tips.

Editor's note: "Charles, that's the wrong type of 'tip'."
Charles: "Oops, sorry!"

To get the ball rolling, here's a tip for mischievous drivers...

1) Fool car passengers into thinking you've kidnapped a helpful person by placing your satnav in the boot.




2) Lazy people. Call your dog 'Ten Miles', then you can honestly tell people you walked 'Ten Miles' today.

Top tips (part 5)

A wise man once gave me the following top tip:

It's okay. He's only yawning!

"There are two secrets to success in life:

1) Don't tell others everything you know."

. . . . . . . . . .

This week on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I'm going to follow that wise man's advice by passing on only some of the silly top tips I've come across...

1) Always give a thumbs up while yawning so deaf people know you're not screaming.

Credit: @UnhandyHints



2) When being chased by a pack of taxidermists, don't play dead!

Top tips (part 4)

Every year I like to try to gain experience and learn more useful knowledge, so what better way to end the year than by sharing some of that knowledge with another round-up of silly top tips!

"Who's that handsome fellow in the mirror?"

1) Spice up any facebook comment with random quotation marks. For example:

'Congratulations' on your baby.

Congratulations on 'your' baby.

Congratulations on your 'baby'.

Credit: @life_lamp

2) Save money on expensive mirrors by keeping a photo or drawing of yourself, or by just remembering what you look like.

10 pieces of silly advice

"I'm feeling silly!"

In the words of Ludwig Wittgenstein, 'If people did not sometimes do silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done.'

Personally, I think that's a really silly quote, which makes no sense at all. However, I'm in a silly mood, so I'm going to follow Ludwig's advice anyway!

So in the spirit of silliness, here are ten pieces of silly advice...

1) Advice for unsociable people...

If someone you don't like rings your doorbell, put your coat on before answering the door. Then you can tell them you were just going out and you won't have to invite them in!

Top tips (part 3)

Here are a few more silly top tips covering such random subjects as burglars, butter, and Piccadilly Circus.

Legal Disclaimer: Charles Fudgemuffin
does not actually support doing this.

Most of these top tips aren't meant to be taken seriously, but in a couple of cases, I could see them actually working!

1) Makers of Anchor Spreadable Butter. Save time and ink by simply calling it 'Anchor Butter'.


2) If you want to cheat on a 'before and after' weight loss image, just eat loads, get fatter, switch the photos, then wait for all the congratulatory messages!


3) Bought an expensive new TV? Put the empty box next to your neighbour's bin, so burglars target their house not yours.

How to write good.

Previously on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I've written about how to write a helpful review and also how not to write a helpful review.

A bad workman blames his tools.

This week's blog post is also on the theme of writing, but in a more general sense, as a selection of tips are offered for any budding authors on 'how to write good'...

1) Always proofread your work to ensure you don't any words out.

2) Never overuse exclamation marks!!!!!

3) Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

4) Be careful not to make speling misteaks.

Top tips (part 2)

Here's another batch of light-hearted top tips covering a variety of subjects such as coconuts, teenagers and wigs...

"Wow, he won a coconut!
He must be really good at throwing things!"

1) Impressionists. Perfect your Hugh Grant impression by counting up to three in Roman numerals.


2) Convince people you're good at throwing things by walking around a fairground holding a coconut.


3) Parents. Prepare your children for Game of Thrones by ending every Mr Men book with 'and then he dies'.

Top tips

Here are a few silly light-hearted top tips covering such random subjects as ghosts, parenthood, and hospital car parks.

Three apples.

1) Discover what you'll look like ten years older by having kids then looking in the mirror six months later.


2) Pretend you're a professional tennis player by asking your greengrocer for 3 apples and then rolling one back to him.


3) Husbands. When your wife asks you, "Do you prefer this outfit or this outfit?" simply choose any outfit at random because she won't pay any attention to your opinion anyway.