Top tips

Here are a few silly light-hearted top tips covering such random subjects as ghosts, parenthood, and hospital car parks.

Three apples.

1) Discover what you'll look like ten years older by having kids then looking in the mirror six months later.


2) Pretend you're a professional tennis player by asking your greengrocer for 3 apples and then rolling one back to him.


3) Husbands. When your wife asks you, "Do you prefer this outfit or this outfit?" simply choose any outfit at random because she won't pay any attention to your opinion anyway.

Wave your hands in the air
like you just don't care.

4) Save your breath and other people's time by not saying any sentence that starts with, 'Needless to say...'


5) Parents. Avoid being accused of favouritism by knowing the names of ALL your children.


6) Fool nightclub DJs into believing you don't care by waving your hands in the air.


7) Convince everyone you're a personal trainer by standing next to someone at the treadmill and chatting about yourself for £30 per hour.

A haunted house.
.

8) Alcohol based antibacterial hand gel is a highly effective means of discovering paper cuts.


9) Ghost hunters. There's a very easy way to tell if a house is haunted. It isn’t.


10) Always keep £27 of loose change in your car, in case you need to park at a hospital for ten minutes.

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Here's another top tip! If an alien pays you a visit, don't necessarily trust everything they say. That's a tip which is backed up by the events in my alien themed short story 'We Come In Peace', available for kindle from Amazon.