Funny courtroom quotes (part 4)

"How did you become deceased?"
"Someone took a wild stab in the dark."

It's time for another round-up of funny courtroom quotes featuring stupid questions by lawyers, and a few equally silly answers from witnesses...

1) Before and after

Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
Witness: "Yes, sir."
Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"

I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark and guess 'before'.

Stupid questions (part 4)

This week's collection of stupid questions has a library theme to it...

This week it's time for one of my favourite themes as the Charles Fudgemuffin blog once again takes a look at a selection of stupid questions.

As with part 3, all of the following questions were asked at the library...

1) Written by ... ?

A general question which one librarian got asked a lot was...

"I'm looking for the autobiography of ______, but I'm not sure who wrote it."

Hmm, now who would an autobiography be written by?

Quiz for idiots

From time to time I've occasionally featured various quizzes on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, including 'true or false' quizzes, 'Star Wars' quizzes, a 'photoshopped or real' quiz, and even a 'Are you officially old?' quiz.

Puffins.
Or to refer to them by their Latin name, 'fratercula arctica'.
Editor's note: "Charles, you've given the game away, you daft fool!"
Charles: "Oops, sorry! Hopefully the readers wont notice."

So what better way to start off the New year than with another quiz! This time it's a really straight forward quiz and the questions are so easy that I'm sure everyone will get ten out of ten answers correct!

1) 'Puffinus puffinus' is the Latin name for which bird?

A) Puffin
B) Manx Shearwater

Stupid questions: The 'Guess my age' game

"Guess how old I am? Go on, have a guess! You'll never guess!"

Previously on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I've highlighted stupid questions, and perhaps the most stupid question of all-time can be found at the following link:

"And the award for the most stupid question ever goes to..."

All of the previously featured stupid questions have been stupid because the answer is so obvious.  However, this week's stupid question is stupid for another reason.

The stupid question in question this week is the question...

"How old do you think I am?"

Perhaps this would be better described as a 'dangerous' question, rather than a stupid question, but either way, you'd have to be stupid to risk answering it.  And if anyone ever does answer this question, they never answer honestly.  Instead, their mind process works like this...

Stupid questions (part 3)

Hooray! Payroll! How interesting!

This week is National Payroll Week, so to celebrate, here are ten interesting facts about payroll...

Only joking!

There aren't ten interesting facts about payroll. There's not even one interesting fact about payroll. Payroll's really boring.

So instead, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin ignores National Payroll Week, and instead focuses on something more interesting...

Stupid questions!

Stupid questions have been featured before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, and it seems that librarians often get asked more than their fair share of stupid questions. With that in mind, this week's collection of stupid questions are all questions that were asked in the library...

1) Based on real life?

This lion is certainly real,
but what about the lion from the Wizard Of Oz?

"Is the Wizard Of Oz fiction or non-fiction?"

Hmm, now let me think...

You mean that movie where Dorothy meets a living walking talking scarecrow who doesn't have a brain, a living walking talking tin man who doesn't have a heart, and a talking lion who stands on two feet and who doesn't have courage?  The movie where they then get captured by flying winged monkeys?

Hmm, is the Wizard Of Oz non-fiction?  Hmm, that's a tricky question...

Bizarre questions

I've featured stupid questions before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, but as a slight twist this latest batch of questions features weird and bizarre questions which were all asked by curious people on answers.com.

First of all, here's a question which I'm sure everyone has wondered at one time or another...

1) How do you make a bike using fur from a chipmunk?

"You don't!"

I think the reply sums it up. 'You don't'!

Silly questions asked by TV presenters

"Is your brother a boy or a girl?"
"He's a dog."

Previously on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I've featured silly quiz show answers given by absent-minded contestants, but it's not just contestants who suffer from the occasional moment of brain freeze.

Here are a few quotes from TV shows where the hosts and presenters managed to out-stupid their guests.

1) Stating the obvious (part 1)

Presenter: "So do you have any brothers and sisters?"
Contestant: "A baby brother."
Presenter: "Is it a boy or a girl?"

2) When introducing a married couple...

"And you both met at the same place?"

Stupid questions (part 2)

Stupid questions have been featured on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog before, and they always make me smile, so here's another batch of daft and amusing questions. Once again the following questions have been compiled from various internet forums, facebook, twitter and real life...

Rain, pictured outside.

1) From facebook...

This is a stupid question that my friend was asked by his girlfriend...

Friend: "It's raining."
Girlfriend: "What, outside?"

If I had to stick my neck out and hazard a guess then I would say, "Yes, the rain is probably falling outside rather than inside."

Stupid questions

Stupid questions

Stupid questions always seem to get a lot of page views whenever I feature them on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, so here are a few more.

The following stupid questions have been compiled from various forums, facebook, and real life experience...

1) At the supermarket

This is a question often asked at the supermarket which always leaves me puzzled whenever I buy a trolley full of items...

Check-out assistant: "Would you like a bag?"
Says: "Yes, please."

Thinks: "A bag? For these twenty cumbersome items? No, don't worry about a bag. Fortunately I'm an expert juggler so I'll just juggle these twenty items as I walk home."

A contender for the most unexpected question ever...

A volcano erupting, pictured yesterday.

A few months ago on this blog I featured a contender for one of the most stupid questions of all time, and I recently encountered another totally random and bizarre, and completely unexpected question.

I'd been away travelling for a few months so on my return to the UK I registered at the local employment office and was asked to complete a survey regarding my search for a job.

The first few questions were typical normal questions that you would expect to be asked, such as:

1) "What is your name?"
"Charles Fudgemuffin" *

* Of course as this was an official and serious government questionnaire, I didn't put Charles Fudgemuffin on the form. I instead used my real name, which for the benefit of anyone who's interested is Henry Flangechomper.

2) "What qualifications do you have?"
"I am the writer of the critically acclaimed 'Remember to put the bins out' note."

3) "Have you applied for any jobs since returning to the UK?"
"Yes, I have applied for the posts of Graffiti Artist Humiliation Officer and Reputation Attenuator."

As you can see it was all fairly straight forward so far, but then suddenly from nowhere came the most randomly unexpected question ever...

"And the award for the most stupid question ever goes to..."

Beer, a drink commonly found in most pubs.

In one of my early books, two of the characters discuss the top three most stupid questions they've ever been asked. I won't reveal the questions here, but you can trust me that all three of the questions were very stupid questions indeed (and each was inspired by real life).

However, I can safely say that all three of those questions were well and truly beaten for stupidity by a stupid question I heard the other day when I was out at the pub watching the football.

To set the scene, me and my mates were sat at the back of the dining room in the pub, and a couple were sitting at the table next to us with their young son who must have been no older than six years old. At one point during the match the parents disappeared, presumably to go and order food, leaving their child sat at their table on his own for a few minutes.