Saturday, 23 May 2015

Funny Football Quotes (Part 6)

Nicknames, famous sayings and big furry heads...

Today's official attendance: 1
(Figures compiled by Paul Merson).
The current season of the Premier League comes to a conclusion tomorrow, so to round things off on a humorous note, here's a selection of funny football quotes from players, managers, pundits, and even one quote from a mascot...

1) “There’s only one person gets you sacked, and that’s the fans.”
...Paul Merson

2) "I have to be careful what I say about the ref.  He was absolutely appalling!" 
...Neil Lennon taking great care not to say anything bad about the ref.

3) "Don't ask me what a typical Brazilian is because I don't know what a typical Brazilian is.  But Romario was a typical Brazilian."
...Sir Bobby Robson

Saturday, 16 May 2015

Small Pots Also Have Ears

A free short story from Charles Fudgemuffin

The 'peacocking' marketing strategy.
Thumbnails are very small on Amazon and
other ebook sites, so I've therefore gone for
a garishly colourful cover to attract attention.
I’ve mentioned before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog that a cool Swedish saying I like is the expression ‘Small Pots Also Have Ears’.  In case you’re wondering, it basically means that children listen in to adult conversations and take in more than you realise.

Most parents can probably relate to the saying, and in fact I like it so much that I used it as the theme for a short story I’ve recently published called … ‘Small Pots Also Have Ears’!  In keeping with the Swedish saying, it deals with the theme of kids listening in to their parents’ conversations and then perhaps not being quite as discrete about things as their parents would have liked!

It’s only a very short read consisting of three short chapters, and a typical reader will probably read it in no more than ten to fifteen minutes.  You can currently download it for free from iBooks, Kobo, B&N, Payhip, Smashwords or by direct download.  You can also read it online at Wattpad.

It’s a stand alone story, so you can dive straight in and you don’t have to have read any previous books prior to reading ‘Small Pots Also Have Ears’.  However, anyone who has read the ‘How To Save The World’ books may recognise the characters of Jake, Jake’s mam, Jake’s dad and Auntie Charine who appeared very briefly (blink and you’d miss them) in the final book of the series, ‘In The End, No-One Can Escape Justice’.

Saturday, 9 May 2015

Book Reviews (Part 10)

It's time for another batch of book reviews...

This week I take a look at a selection of books with the varied themes of genocide, teenage school life, revenge and philosophy...

Sudan by Ninie Hammon

Sudan by Ninie Hammon - 4.8 / 5.0

Sudan by Ninie Hammon deals with the government organised genocide in Sudan, so as you'd expect given the subject matter it's pretty heavy reading at times and doesn't pull any punches.  It's a fictional story, but all of the horrific events described in the book are based on actual atrocities that have taken place in Sudan.  Author Ninie Hammon doesn't sugar coat things, so the powerful writing will pull on your heart-strings at times, but Sudan is a brilliant book and an important book that deserves and needs to be read by a bigger audience.  If it was produced in a way which captured the emotion of the book, then Sudan would also make a very powerful movie or TV series.

Saturday, 2 May 2015

The Star Wars Pants Game Quiz

"I find your lack of pants disturbing."

Yoda joins in with the Star Wars pants game.
In honour of Star Wars Day (May the 4th), I thought it would be topical to feature a Star Wars themed blog post this week.

One amusingly daft Star Wars game which I find entertaining is the Star Wars Pants Game, whereby you substitute one word from a Star Wars quote with the word 'pants'.

Featured below is a 'Pants Game' quiz to test Star Wars fans' knowledge of memorable Star Wars quotes, so take a look at the following quotes and see if you can guess the correct word or phrase to restore the quote to its original non-pantsified form.

1) "Pants matter(s) not.  Judge me by my pants, do you?" ...Yoda

a) Size
b) Traditional grammar structure
c) Fozzie Bear impressions

Saturday, 25 April 2015

When Science Fiction Becomes Science Fact!

A prank that came true...

Kinetic Capture Insoles.
A genuine real photo with no photoshopping whatsoever. #NotReally
As well as the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, I also run a spoof technology blog called Tomorrow's Technology Today, and one story which appeared on the blog back in 2012 was a feature on Kinetic Capture™ Insoles; running shoe insoles that store the kinetic energy as you run and then use this power to charge up your iPhone.

Of course the insoles were entirely fictitious, but some people were fooled by the article, with one person commenting, "I love this technology!! Great article and test.  What is the lifespan of these insoles?"  As already mentioned, sadly, I can't comment on their lifespan, as the insoles aren't real and are  totally fictitious...

...or are they?

Saturday, 18 April 2015

Trivial 999 Emergency Calls

Or for the benefit of US readers, trivial 911 emergency calls.

The 999 emergency phone number saves many lives every year, but unfortunately not everyone uses the service responsibly.  For example, the Welsh Ambulance Service recently reported that they received 31,219 non-urgent calls in the last twelve months.

"What is the nature of your emergency..."
To highlight how irresponsible some people are, I've featured below a few examples of some of these non-urgent calls* which illustrate that in some cases people have phoned 999 for the most ridiculous reasons.

* These are taken from genuine calls received by various emergency services around the UK and the rest of world.

To turn things into a bit of a quiz though, I've also included one fake emergency call which I just made up, so have a read of the following trivial emergency calls and then scroll down the page to see if you can guess which one was the red herring...

Saturday, 11 April 2015

10 Cool Internet Easter Eggs (Part 5)

Another batch of hidden internet surprises...

Real life Easter eggs...  Almost as cool as internet Easter eggs!
As an annual event I like to feature a selection of cool hidden Easter eggs found on the internet, and this year's round-up includes Easter eggs with themes such as monkeys, farts and a dastardly 'crime' captured on Google maps...

1) "Beam me up, Scotty!"

In previous round-ups I've featured a number of Star Wars related Easter eggs, but just so Star Trek fans don't feel left out, this first hidden Easter egg found on YouTube features a Star Trek theme.  It relates to the original series of Star Trek featuring characters such as Spock, Captain Kirk and Scotty, so younger readers may not understand it, but to unlock it simply go to YouTube and type 'Beam me up, Scotty!' into the YouTube search engine, and watch what happens to the videos brought up in the search results:
Beam me up, Scotty!

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About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.