Saturday, 16 July 2016

Ebook Publishers: A Comparison

The pros and cons of various ebook sellers when self publishing your book.


My 'How To Save The World' books are now available from various ebook publishers, so I thought I would write a post describing my experience with each of the ebook stores I self-published with.  Some of the following points are straight forward facts, e.g. 'Smashwords let you generate coupons for discounts and promotions on your books.'  That's a fact.  Other points though, are my opinion, so in the interests of fairness this article should be read with that in mind.

Here are the pros and cons that I experienced with each ebook publisher.

Kindle Direct Publishing:


Kindle Direct Publishing is the self-publishing service for authors who wish to publish their books via Amazon. 

Pros:
Amazon Kindling.
1) Amazon have a large chunk of the ebook market, so offer a bigger potential for sales.  As a rough guideline, a figure of around 65% market share is quoted by most ebook market analysis websites.

2) Before finalising publication, you can download a preview file of your book which you can view with the Kindle Previewer tool, or on your tablet if you have the Kindle app.

3) If you enroll your book in KDP Select, i.e. make it exclusive to Amazon, you can offer your book for free five days per quarter.  If you only have one book this isn't really a great sales strategy nowadays (the benefits of free promotions aren't what they used to be), but if you have a series of books then a free introductory book can lead to increased sales of the subsequent books in the series.

4) Amazon Prime members can borrow one book per month for free.  If you enrol your book in KDP Select then your book is eligible to be borrowed, and each borrow earns you a small payment.

5) If you choose to get paid by Electronic Funds Transfer (EFT) then Amazon have no payment threshold*, so you don't have to wait for your royalties to build up before getting paid.

* This applies to UK and US authors, but check Amazon's terms and conditions if you're based elsewhere in the world.

Saturday, 9 July 2016

Who Will Win The Euro 2016 Final?

Let's ask Siri...


According to wikipedia, Siri is 'an intelligent personal assistant who answers questions and makes recommendations', so out of curiosity I decided to ask Siri who would win the Euro 2016 final between France and Portugal.  Siri had a quite a bit to say on the subject, so here are some of her quotes...

"Hey Siri, who will win Euro 2016?"

Siri started by showing her sense of humour...


Saturday, 2 July 2016

Silly Slogans

...and meaningless marketing speak.


This week's blog post is dedicated to the increasingly common trend of using silly, meaningless or misplaced slogans to advertise a product.  First up is a rather dubious tagline from The Jeremy Kyle Show...

Friendship and love...
...but what TV show could we be talking about?

1) The TV show of friendship and love ... allegedly.


Viewers of daytime UK telly may have noticed the perhaps controversial slogan for The Jeremy Kyle Show...

"Bringing people together."

Bringing people together!?!?  The Jeremy Kyle Show?  Have they ever seen Jeremy Kyle?

If the slogan was, "Bringing people together ... so they can have a big massive fight," then perhaps I could agree, but describing The Jeremy Kyle Show with the slogan, "Bringing people together," is like describing Jose Mourinho as 'The Humble One'.

Saturday, 25 June 2016

10 Music Jokes For National Music Day

Cover bands, sopranos and alligator costumes.


Music.
Or rather, headphones.
But I'm using the headphones as a representation of music.
In honour of National Music Day (celebrated on June 21st), this week I've collected a round-up of music themed jokes...

1) What did will.i.am say when he went to the dentist?
"I got a filling."


2) Dear R.E.M.

240 Mhz.

Yours sincerely,

Kenneth


3) My mate asked me if Oasis were my favourite band.
I said maybe.



Saturday, 18 June 2016

Controversial Questions

The nation Votes...


Mmm, cakes!
Er, I mean ... biscuits.
In the office where I work there's been a lot discussion this week about a controversial subject which has gripped the nation.  Not Brexit, obviously - we're all sick of the increasingly ridiculous scaremongering claims by both sides in that debate - no, this is a far more controversial subject than whether the UK should remain in the EU.  The question which has divided our office is...

'Is a Jaffa Cake a biscuit or a cake?'

The discussion produced some very strongly argued responses, with some people getting very emotional indeed.  However, the controversy didn't end there, and our office debate also covered a variety of other controversial subjects, such as...

'Do you eat soup or drink soup?'


And finally...

Saturday, 11 June 2016

Commas Are Important

"Let's eat, guys!" has a very different meaning to, "Let's eat guys!"


Here are a few more examples which demonstrate the importance of commas....

1) "Cooking her family and her dog."


First up, here's a headline on the cover of Tails magazine, a magazine for dog lovers, which would definitely benefit from a comma...


Saturday, 4 June 2016

10 Funny Quiz Show Answers (Part 4)

Not a picture of a carnivore,
according to one quiz show contestant.

Dodgy pickles, hovering reptiles and extra-terrestrials...


I'm not particularly a massive fan of quiz shows, but I do enjoy it when contestants give silly answers.  So here's another batch of amusingly foolish answers provided by quiz show contestants...

1) Was the Tyrannosaurus Rex a carnivore or a herbivore?
Answer: No, it was a dinosaur.

2) Name three places you can apply cream.
Answer: Er ... Doncaster, Swindon and Leeds.

3) Name a food you can eat without chewing.
Answer: Chips.

About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.