Saturday, 14 January 2017

Don't Try This At Home!

Apparently, viewers are too stupid to realise how dangerous the following stunts are...

Public Service Announcement:
Necklaces should be worn in the traditional manner, and
not ripped through the neck for entertainment purposes.
Last week I featured a photo of me dancing on top of a flying aeroplane, and I captioned it with the warning...

"Don't try this at home!'

With hindsight, I may perhaps have underestimated the intelligence of my blog readers, as I would guess that most readers probably already realised that dancing on the roof of a aeroplane during a flight was dangerous.

Judging by many TV shows nowadays, it seems that some TV producers also underestimate the intelligence of their viewers, because the legal disclaimer 'Don't try this at home' seems to pop up at even the merest hint of danger.

For a stunt which is unexpectedly risky, you can maybe understand the logic of this warning, but other times you have to really question how stupid they must think we are if we need to be warned not to try some of the most dangerous stunts at home.

Here are a few examples I've noticed while watching TV over the last few months...

1) Ripping a necklace through your throat

Dynamo: Magician Impossible...

Dynamo swallows a polo, then forces a necklace into his throat.  He then rips it back out through his skin with the polo attached.  An impressed David Haye then warns viewers...

"Don't try this at home!"

Saturday, 7 January 2017

Micromorts: The Risk Of Dying

Caution: If you suffer from thanatophobia (fear of death), discretion is advised before reading this article!

Fighting with a light sabre has a rating of 187,500 micromorts.
2016 was a memorable year in many ways; Leicester's incredible Premier League win, a new Star Wars movie, and of course the release of 'Crime Doesn't Pay', my collection of crime themed short stories (available for kindle from Amazon).

However, it was also a scary and sobering year in the way that so many celebrities seemed to die.  It's a morbid thing to think about, but it's also a reminder of how temporary life is, and to take a positive approach, it's a reminder of how we should make the most of every day because you never know how long you've got left.

Believe it or not, there's actually a statistical unit which is a measurement of the risk of dying called the micromort.  A micromort is a one in a million chance of death, so for example if an activity has a rating of 1 micromort that means there's a relatively small one in a million chance of dying, whereas a rating of 1,000,000 micromorts would mean certain death.

Here are some micromort ratings for a variety of activities, from just living your life, to more dangerous pursuits...

Saturday, 31 December 2016

Things That Happen Every Second (Part 2)

Make the most of every second ... now with free bonus second!

This year, New Year's Eve will last slightly longer than a normal New Year's Eve, because the International Earth Rotation and Reference Systems Service have decided that this New Year's Eve will include an extra 'leap second'.  This is because geological and climatic factors mean the Earth's rotational speed varies by microscopic amounts, so to keep things precise, an extra second is added to the clock every now and again.

If you're thinking of discovering time travel, think again!
It may seem a bit OCD to worry about miniscule changes of only a second, especially when dealing with an object as big as the Earth, but in actual fact a second can be a very significant period of time.  A lot can happen in a second, as you can see from the following list of facts.

Every second...

1) ...49,515 Google searches are made.

2) ...0.29 Google searches are made for...
'Star Wars'

3) ...0.0000076 Google searches are made for...
'Dinosaurs were made up by the CIA to discourage time travel'

Saturday, 24 December 2016

How To Say 'Merry Christmas' In Other Languages

...and a bonne année.

This is how you say 'Merry Christmas' in English.
One of the things I love to do is go travelling, and as I come from England and I don't like being cold, I therefore usually plan my travels to coincide with the English winter.  This means that I'm often away backpacking for Christmas, and as you get to meet other backpackers from around the world it means that you often learn how to say Merry Christmas in various other languages.

So in the spirit of worldwide festivities, here is how to say Merry Christmas in various languages from around the world, starting with a familiar sounding version from Japan...

Japanese - meri kurisumasu

Saturday, 17 December 2016

10 Christmas Themed Jokes (Part 2)

Festive vampires, anatine Santas, and bald men.

Merry Christmas!
To help everyone get in the mood for Christmas, here's another round-up of Christmas themed jokes.

Be warned though, that some of these jokes are quite cheesy...

1) What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the standard alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet only has 25 letters because it has no L (Noel).

2) What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas quacker.

3) Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can 'Hoe, hoe, hoe!'

Saturday, 10 December 2016

Is Santa Claus Real?

Let's ask Siri...

As anyone who's read 'Santa and the Naughty Elf' by my younger brother, Charles Fudgemuffin, Jr, will know, Santa Claus is very real indeed.  But what does Siri have to say on the matter?  I asked Siri for her opinion on whether Santa Claus is real or not, and as you can see below, she had quite a bit to say on the subject.  We also chatted about a few other Christmas related subjects, so here are a few quotes from our conversation.

1) "Is Santa Claus real?"

First up I asked Siri a question that everyone wonders at one point in their life...

"Hey Siri, is Santa Claus real?"

Saturday, 3 December 2016

Top Selling Toys From Years Gone By (Part 2)

It's only a few weeks until Christmas, so that means it's time for part two of my nostalgic trip down memory lane as I look at more toys found on lists to Santa from years gone by.  Once again, I've included the decade when the toys were first released, or the decade when they first achieved popularity, but of course the best toys are timeless, so don't be surprised if you associate some of these toys with a different era...

1950s - Slinky

Loved by kids around the world for its period of oscillation,
according to Wikipedia.
The simplicity of the Slinky toy made it a hit through the generations, and it's still going strong today.  In fact incredibly, over a billion Slinkys have been sold worldwide since it was first invented!  I could list any number of interesting facts about Slinky, but here's one from Wikipedia':

Due to the forces of gravity, a Slinky bunches up at the bottom because:

    p(n) = L(n-1)^2

Fascinating!  And did you know that the period of oscillation of a dangling slinky is:

    T = 2/pi/sqrt{/frac{m}{k}}

Wow!  Amazing!  Although to be honest, that one was fairly obvious, so it probably didn't need pointed out.

About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.