Saturday, 23 June 2018

Funny Things Kids Say (Part 5)

It's been almost a year since my last batch of funny comments by kids, so here are a few more funny things said by kids. Once again, the names have been changed to protect the (not so) innocent.

Beautiful lake, or fiery volcano.
You decide.

1) A smart kid

Some kids can be wise beyond their years...

"My daughter has a valid point... Why do we say, “Go jump in a lake”? Jumping in a lake can be quite nice. We should say, “Go jump in an active volcano.”

Wise, and also quite sadistic.

2) Young love

Here's one kid who already has her future love life planned out...

Mother: "Pearl, what would you do if two boys were fighting over you?"
Pearl: "I would run away and say, “You’re both idiots!”

Saturday, 16 June 2018

Confusing perspective

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features a selection of photos which may, at first glance, not be quite what they seem...

1) Flying ships

Is this what we have to look forward to in the future? Ships that can fly?

As you've probably worked out, the ships are actually on a lake, but at first glance my brain thought they were flying in the sky.

Saturday, 9 June 2018

Never work with children or animals ... or violent psychopathic criminals!

My latest short story, 'Never Work With Children Or Animals ... Or Violent Psychopathic Criminals', is released this weekend, so sticking with that theme, this week's blog post features a collection of memes featuring children, animals, and criminals ... and in some cases a combination of the three.

1) Three held in 30 man brawl

This first photo highlights that appearances can be deceiving...

I'm hoping this is simply a case of a badly placed headline/photo combination.

Saturday, 2 June 2018

Funny Job Adverts

This week the Charles Fudemuffin blog takes a look at a selection of noteworthy and unusual job adverts...

1) This is kind of ironic...

Unpaid internship for the Fight Against Slavery. #DoubleStandards

"We are looking for someone to work for free in the fight against slavery.

This person would have to work for free."

Saturday, 26 May 2018

Random Thoughts (Part 5)

Here's another batch of random thoughts on random unconnected subjects...

1) Mirror, mirror

Technically, every mirror you buy at a store is in used condition.

2) Udderly ridiculous

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'Hmm, I think I'll squeeze those dangly things and then drink what comes out.'?

3) Warning sign

People who say, "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best," generally don't have a 'best'.

Saturday, 19 May 2018

24 John Motson Quotes

Footballing commentator legend John Motson, or 'Motty' as he's also known, retired last weekend after 50 years of commentating on football.

So in honour of Motty, here are a some of his more memorable quotes from over the years...

A football stadium in the truest sense of the word.
Whatever other sense of the word there might be, I'm not sure.
1) “In a sense it's a one-man show... except that there are two men involved, Hartson and Berkovic, and a third man, the goalkeeper.”

2) “You couldn't have counted the number of moves Alan Ball made. I counted four and possibly five.”

3) “It's a football stadium in the truest sense of the word.”

4) “So different from the scenes in 1872, at the cup final none of us can remember.”

Saturday, 12 May 2018

Hidden Android Easter eggs.

The Android. A short story.
My latest short story, 'The Android' is released this weekend, and on Sunday for one day only you can download it for free! (Details and link at the bottom of this blog post.)

So sticking with the theme of android(s), here's a guide on how to unlock a cool hidden Easter egg found within the Android operating system.

The process is the same for every version of Android...

1) Go into settings.
2) Tap 'About tablet' or 'About phone'.
3) Tap 'Android version' or 'Firmware version' several times very quickly.

'Settings' / 'About tablet' / 'Android version'

About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.