Saturday, 20 August 2016

A Question For Fans Of The Great British Bake Off

Charlotte Fudgemuffin (Charles' sister) revealed as new X Factor judge.
Although I'm not personally a fan, reality TV shows attract some very dedicated fans, so it's perhaps not surprising therefore that fans of reality TV shows often get quite passionate about the singers, dancers, models, cooks and other contestants that they feel most deserve to win their particular favourite show.

Now I can understand for example when fans of X Factor or American Idol have passionate opinions and strongly want a particular singer to win.  You listen to them sing, then vote for the best singer or performer, so I can understand comments like, "She's an excellent singer!  Did you hear her sing 'Who Let The Dogs Out?'  It was beautiful!' and it makes sense that you would favour one contestant over the others.

Saturday, 13 August 2016

Funny Football Quotes (Part 8)

More silly comments from the world of football.

Football. The inspiration for many silly quotes.
Another season of football starts today, so as has become traditional on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, here's another batch of funny football quotes from players, managers and pundits.

1) “There was nothing wrong with his timing. He was just a bit late.”
…Mark Bright

2) “Hodge scored for Forest after 22 seconds … totally against the run of play!”
…Peter Lorenzo

3) “I don't want to be playing in the Under 21s forever.”
…David Bentley

Saturday, 6 August 2016

Cool Sayings From Around The World (Part 2)

Camels, cucumbers and combs.

A camel can't see its own hump, but it can see
its own tongue, as demonstrated by this rude camel.
Previously on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I've featured a round-up of five 'Cool Sayings From Around The World'.  However, after doing some research, it's come to light that the world in fact contains more than five cool sayings, so here are another five...

1) "A camel cannot see its own hump."

This is an old African saying which is basically a way of saying we can see the faults in others, but not our own faults.

I can totally agree with this, because I know quite a few people with loads of faults who are always criticising others ... unless myself. #irony

I don't know of an English saying with the exact same meaning, but I suppose a vaguely related expression would be, 'The pot calling the kettle black.'

Saturday, 30 July 2016

Weird Facebook Likes (Part 5)

Friends ... or enemies?

It's been several months now since facebook introduced 'reactions' to give users more options for responding to their friends posts, but some people are still using the good old 'like' button ... sometimes for the most inappropriate statuses.

Here's another round-up of weird facebook likes, starting with that popular source of good news, a car crash...

"I've just smashed my car into a bus stop."
7 friends like this.

1) "Anyone else forget how to drive when there is a bus stop about????"

7 friends like this.

The status was accompanied by the photo shown to the right to illustrate the damage to their car.  I think I must be missing something here, because I can't quite grasp how your friend smashing their car up is something you would like.

Saturday, 23 July 2016

Funny Holiday Complaints

Holidays gone 'wrong'.

Life is better in flip flops...
...but not for some 'unfortunate' holiday makers.
The summer holiday season is now well and truly upon us, and I've been lucky enough to enjoy many brilliant holidays and travel experiences, but not everyone has been so lucky.

Here are some amusing complaints raised by some 'unfortunate' holiday makers...

1) "It was hotter in Britain than where we went. That's not fair!"
...I have to admit, I would find that annoying as well.

2) “It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It only took the Americans three hours to get home.”
...Yeah, it's so annoying when travel companies abide by the the laws of physics.

3) “We had to queue outside with no air conditioning.”

Saturday, 16 July 2016

Ebook Publishers: A Comparison

The pros and cons of various ebook sellers when self publishing your book.

My 'How To Save The World' books are now available from various ebook publishers, so I thought I would write a post describing my experience with each of the ebook stores I self-published with.  Some of the following points are straight forward facts, e.g. 'Smashwords let you generate coupons for discounts and promotions on your books.'  That's a fact.  Other points though, are my opinion, so in the interests of fairness this article should be read with that in mind.

Here are the pros and cons that I experienced with each ebook publisher.

Kindle Direct Publishing:

Kindle Direct Publishing is the self-publishing service for authors who wish to publish their books via Amazon. 

Amazon Kindling.
1) Amazon have a large chunk of the ebook market, so offer a bigger potential for sales.  As a rough guideline, a figure of around 65% market share is quoted by most ebook market analysis websites.

2) Before finalising publication, you can download a preview file of your book which you can view with the Kindle Previewer tool, or on your tablet if you have the Kindle app.

3) If you enroll your book in KDP Select, i.e. make it exclusive to Amazon, you can offer your book for free five days per quarter.  If you only have one book this isn't really a great sales strategy nowadays (the benefits of free promotions aren't what they used to be), but if you have a series of books then a free introductory book can lead to increased sales of the subsequent books in the series.

4) Amazon Prime members can borrow one book per month for free.  If you enrol your book in KDP Select then your book is eligible to be borrowed, and each borrow earns you a small payment.

5) If you choose to get paid by Electronic Funds Transfer (EFT) then Amazon have no payment threshold*, so you don't have to wait for your royalties to build up before getting paid.

* This applies to UK and US authors, but check Amazon's terms and conditions if you're based elsewhere in the world.

Saturday, 9 July 2016

Who Will Win The Euro 2016 Final?

Let's ask Siri...

According to wikipedia, Siri is 'an intelligent personal assistant who answers questions and makes recommendations', so out of curiosity I decided to ask Siri who would win the Euro 2016 final between France and Portugal.  Siri had a quite a bit to say on the subject, so here are some of her quotes...

"Hey Siri, who will win Euro 2016?"

Siri started by showing her sense of humour...

About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.