Saturday, 27 May 2017

10 Funny Quiz Show Answers (Part 5)

"Howard be thy name."
It's been a while since I last featured silly quiz show answers on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, so here are another batch of foolishly amusing quiz show answers from contestants who forgot to put their brains in gear before they spoke...

1) "What was Gandhi’s first name?"
Answer: "Goosey."

2) "Name something made of wool."
Answer: "A sheep."

3) "In the Lord’s Prayer, what word beginning with 'H' meaning 'blessed' comes before 'be thy name'?"
Answer: "Howard."

Saturday, 20 May 2017

Funny Football Quotes (Part 9)

Football. It's a funny old game.
Another Premier League season comes to an end tomorrow, so as has become traditional on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, here's another batch of amusing football quotes from players, managers, pundits and commentators...

1) “Marseille needed to score first, and that never looked likely once Liverpool had taken the lead.”
…David Pleat

2) “I didn't see the ball. I just saw it going to my right.”
…Robert Green

3) “Maths is totally done differently to what I was teached when I was at school.”
…David Beckham.  I think English is ‘teached’ differently as well by the sounds of it, David.

Saturday, 13 May 2017

Funny Job Application Answers (Part 2)

A few mistakes to avoid when applying for a job...

The Spinach language.
One of my previous blog posts on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog which got a lot of page views was my round-up of 'Funny Job Application Answers'.  There have been many more silly answers by job applicants, so here's another batch of amusing answers taken from CVs, job application forms and job interviews...

1) Strengths: One of my greatest strengths is being able to identify many foreign accents. I am also bilingual, speaking three languages: English, French and Spinach.

2) Why do you want to work for this company?
Because I applied at 100 other companies and none of them have called me yet.

Saturday, 6 May 2017

10 Silly Trick Questions

A farm.
My boss at my last job was a big fan of trick questions, and during my time working there he would often ask us quite a few puzzlers.  Here are a few of those trick questions to get the brain juices flowing...

1) Bob's father has five sons named Ten, Twenty, Thirty, Forty and...  What was the fifth son called?

2) A farmer owns a square farm measuring five miles long by five miles wide.  He walks a lap of his land to check the fence, and it takes him eighty minutes to walk the first side, eighty minutes to walk the second side, and eighty minutes to walk the third side.  However, it takes him one hour and twenty minutes to walk the fourth side.  Why?

Saturday, 29 April 2017

Star Wars Jokes (Part 3)

Secret sith, expensive light sabres and yodelling jedi masters.

Darth Vader: "Luke, I am your father."
Icelandic Luke: "Well the surname was kind of a giveaway."
It's the official Star Wars Day next week (May 4th), so in honour of George Lucas Disney, here are another selection of Star Wars jokes...

1) Why is Han Solo the only one who can understand Chewbacca?
Because that's the way the wookie mumbles.

2) After the first read through of Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, Mark Hamill pulled JJ Abrams to one side and said, "Can I have a word?"

3) Under the Icelandic naming system, Luke Skywalker would have been called Luke Vaderson, which would have kind of spoilt the big plot twist for Icelandic viewers.

Saturday, 22 April 2017

Today Is Honesty Day

Foreword:  If you're a liar, then please don't read the following information.

"Come on in!  The water's perfectly safe!"
According to a poll conducted by the London Science Museum, the most common lie told by men is...

'I didn't drink that much'

...and the most common lie told by women is...

'I'm fine. Nothing's wrong.'

Today is officially Honesty Day* so hopefully today there won't be any lies told.  However, here's an account of a falsity themed incident which happened when I travelling on a tour in Africa several years ago.

* Or is it?**

** Update: Actually, it's next week.  Never trust anything you read on the internet!  Apart from on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog of course, where I always own up to my bluffery.

The tour had taken us to the Ssese Islands*** in Uganda, and on one swelteringly hot day, several of us wanted to go for a swim to cool off.  However, the water by the shore was filled with reeds, and the tour guide had warned us that the presence of reeds could potentially mean a possible risk of catching bilharzia.

*** That's not a spelling mistake.  That is actually how you spell it.

For anyone who isn't an expert on horrible tropical diseases, bilharzia is a chronic disease caused by parasitic worms released from infected snails.  I'm no expert, but my non-expert advice would be 'try not to catch it'.

Saturday, 15 April 2017

The Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction

There's a famous saying, "The truth is stranger than fiction," and my own experience would agree with this.  On a number of occasions I've encountered strange conversations and events in real life which would seem ridiculous if an author had included them in a fictional story.

Here are a few of those conversations and to make things a bit more challenging, I've made it into a quiz.  See if you can guess what actually happened in each of the following situations...

"Please note, customers will be charged extra if we get your order wrong."

1) Curry Confusion

While on holiday one year, I went to a restaurant and ordered a chicken curry.  However, unfortunately they messed my order up and mistakenly brought me a prawn curry.

Can you guess what the waitress said when I mentioned this error?

a) "I do apologise. I'll get your correct order brought out straight away."
b) "I do apologise. As a token of apology we'll knock twenty percent off the bill."
c) "Oh, well the prawn curry is more expensive, so do you mind paying a bit extra?"

About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.