Saturday, 21 November 2015

Funny Job Application Answers

How Not To Get A Job...

"The successful applicant must be hard working,
good with figures, and of course...
do excellent dinosaur impressions."
At one of my previous jobs my supervisor asked the senior manager, who was a bit of a joker, to have a quick look at her CV to see if he could suggest any improvements.  For a sneaky prank, the senior manager added the following entry to her CV...

Hobbies: Swearing and shoplifting.

Incredibly, some real life job applicants* have actually given answers just as inappropriate, so for this week's blog post I've featured a round-up of unusual answers taken from CVs, job application forms and job interviews...

* Presumably unsuccessful.

1) In one word, summarise your strongest professional attribute:
I'm very good at following instructions.

2) Skills: I can do an excellent triceratops impersonation.

Saturday, 14 November 2015

10 Interesting Chinese Words And Expressions

Vinegar jars, invisible glasses, and flatulent dogs.

From time to time on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I take a look at interesting words found in other languages from around the world, and this week I focus on Chinese.  Please note, I'm not a fluent Chinese speaker, so apologies if I haven't explained any of the above with perfect linguistic clarity, but here are a few Chinese words which I found amusing or interesting...

Dog fart!
Please note, a cuddly toy dog has been used for the purposes of
this photo in order to avoid causing embarrassment to any real dogs.

1) Dog Fart!

In English, if someone was expressing an opinion you disagreed with, you might reply, "Rubbish!" or "Nonsense!" or if you were old-fashioned and slightly posh you might say "Poppycock!"

If you spoke Chinese, however, you might reply 'gǒupì!' (狗屁) which more or less means the same thing as 'Nonsense!' but rather amusingly, it literally translates as 'Dog fart!'

If you want to have hours of amusement at work, then I recommend introducing the expression 'dog fart!' to your office, and I can testify from my own experience that it's guaranteed to produce hours of childish hilarity!

What's that you say?  'Dog fart'?  No, I promise you it's true.

Saturday, 7 November 2015

Funny Things Kids Say

Another collection of kid-isms...

Cuddly toys for 'cuddly' parents.
A few months ago I published the short story ‘Small Pots Also Have Ears’ which deals with the subject of kids making unintentionally amusing comments.  Sticking with the same theme, I thought that for this week’s blog post I would feature a collection of amusing comments by kids, taken from facebook and twitter (links to original tweeters provided).  The names have been changed to protect the innocent...

1) Cuddly parents

To start things off, here’s a status posted by a facebook friend with a very diplomatic daughter…

“My 8 year old daughter just said, “You know, some people think they are fat when they are really not ... they are just cuddly.  And you are the second most cuddly person I know!”

Ha, ha! That's the type of compliment that only a kid could get away with.

Saturday, 31 October 2015

The 'Are You Officially Old?' Quiz

"When I was a lad..."

Are you really old, or still quite young?
Find out with this week's quiz.
At the place where I work, we rarely get a chance to chat because we're always so busy all the time doing our work.  However, during one of the rare occasions when we took a brief moment to chat, the conversation got onto the subject of things from the past.

The whole conversation made me feel quite old, so I decided to use the conversation as the theme for this week's blog post, which features a 'true or false' quiz on things from the past which may or may not have existed.  If you're old like me, then you'll know which of the following are true and which are made up, but if you're young then you'll just have to guess.

Anyway, Charles Fudgemufin proudly presents a special quiz called...

The 'Are You Officially Old?' Quiz

Have a read of the following recollections from the olden days and see if you can guess if they are real examples of days gone by, or is it just something I've made up?  If you know the answers, then you're officially old.  If you don't know the answers and you have to guess ... congratulations, you're officially still young!

Saturday, 24 October 2015

"Oops, I've Made A Terrible Error."

Mistakes made in the spotlight...

This week saw the release of an exciting new trailer for the forthcoming Star Wars: The Force Awakens, and advance ticket sales for the new movie were already breaking records within a day of going on sale.  However, despite the massive success of the Star Wars movies, at one stage it looked as if the original film might not even get made.  Incredibly, some movie studios actually turned Star Wars down, but they can console themselves with the fact that they're not the first people, and they won't be the last, to make a big mistake in the spotlight.

Here's a round-up of some notable mistakes over the years...

Characters from Star Wars pictured a long time ago
at a shopping mall far, far away.

1) A long time ago...

When George Lucas first conceived the idea of a Star Wars movie, not all movie studios shared his enthusiasm for the project, and the movie was rejected by Universal and United Artists due to budgetary concerns.

Thankfully, Alan Ladd at 20th Century Fox believed in George Lucas, if not the actual movie, and Star Wars went on to become one of the biggest movie success stories of all time.

Saturday, 17 October 2015

The Screen Licking Pug

A helpful pug to answer all your questions...

A cute baby pug.
Please note, this pug isn't the actual 'screen licking pug'
and is used purely for illustrative purposes.
The Charles Fudgemuffin blog should perhaps be renamed the 'Charles Pugmuffin' blog, because last week's blog post featured ten cute pug photos to celebrate National Pug Day, and this week's post also has a pug theme to it.

It's an adaptation to a childish facebook prank I previously featured, whereby whenever your friends ask a question on facebook, you simply post a reply claiming that the following link provides a helpful solution to their problem:

However, in actual fact the above 'InfoPage216' link isn't helpful as all, and instead it sneakily redirects them to the 'screen licking pug'.

Here are a few examples to demonstrate...

Saturday, 10 October 2015

National Pug Day

Celebrate the beauty of pugs on Pugtober 15th.

This week sees the world celebrate the cuteness of pugs with National Pug Day, so in honour of this special day, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog is dedicated to my parents' adorably cute pugs, Bella and Phoebe...

1) A new arrival to the family

This is Bella the Pug looking adorably cute in her pink bow when she was just a baby puppy.  I showed this photo to a girl I work with and her response was, "Arrr!  I think we should have a 'Bring your parents' dog to work day!'"

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About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.