Saturday, 17 February 2018

Funny Signs

From time to time I feature funny signs on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, so here's another selection, starting with a sign which carries an important message...

1) "It's never too late to learn to read."

I can't help wondering, who is this sign intended for?

Saturday, 10 February 2018

Stupid scientists discover water is wet.

Some scientists are brilliant. Some scientists come up with inventions which make our everyday lives happier, healthier and more productive. Some scientists carry out research which leads to the discovery of important and previously unknown facts.

Fans can help you keep cool.
And some scientists are idiots. Some scientists waste time and money researching ridiculously obvious already known facts. Here are a few of those idiots...

1) Fans make you cooler.

According to a study in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA), electric fans can help you feel cooler.

Wow! Who would have guessed it!? Oh, so that's what I've been doing wrong! Foolishly, in hot weather I've been turning the radiators on to help me cool down, but it turns out that I should have been using fans instead. Oops, silly me! Lucky those scientists at JAMA were able to point out my error for me. In future I'll know to use fans instead of radiators whenever I want to cool down.

Saturday, 3 February 2018

Trivial 999 Emergency Calls (Part 3)

An injured banana in need of medical attention.
I've mentioned before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog that some people seem to treat the 999* emergency telephone number as a 'General Enquiries' helpdesk for the most trivial of issues.  Here are some more ridiculously trivial phone calls which the callers deemed worthy of treating as an 'emergency'.

* Or 911 for the benefit of any US readers.

1) "Is your emergency fire, ambulance, or fruit related?"

One bizarre person from Nottinghamshire rang 999 to report that they had overcooked a banana!

Saturday, 27 January 2018

Silly Questions Asked By TV Presenters

10 Funny Quiz Show Answers Questions

"Is your brother a boy or a girl?"
"He's a dog."
Previously on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I've featured silly quiz show answers given by absent-minded contestants, but it's not just contestants who suffer from the occasional moment of brain freeze.

Here are a few quotes from TV shows where the hosts and presenters managed to out-stupid their guests.

1) Stating the obvious (part 1).

Presenter: "So do you have any brothers and sisters?"
Contestant: "A baby brother."
Presenter: "Is it a boy or a girl?"

2) When introducing a married couple...

"And you both met at the same place?"

Saturday, 20 January 2018

True Or False: Real Word Or Made Up (Part 2)

"Not to be used for bribing snollygosters."
It's time for another test of vocabulary as the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features another true or false quiz based on unusual words.  Some of the words are real, while others are completely made up.  See if you can guess which is which...

1) Snollygoster

A snollygoster is a shrewd unprincipled person motivated by personal gain.  For example, a politician who cares more about feathering their own nest than serving the people could be described as a snollygoster.

True or false?

Saturday, 13 January 2018

Vegetables And Fruit That Look Like Things

Just as the title says, here are some vegetables and fruit that look like things, featuring tomatoes, teddy bears, bananas lemons, ducks, potatoes, chickens, and gangsta carrots coming at ya' from the street.

1) Tomato man

To start things off, here's a twig man wearing tomatoes for shoes.  By the looks of it he's just about to go for a run...

"On your marks..."
Photo: Reddit

Saturday, 6 January 2018

Silly Nursery Rhymes

Quite some time ago on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I wrote about how some children's stories are inappropriately scary. This week I follow a similar theme as I take a look at some of the peculiarities found in nursery rhymes.

A cockle shell, as 'grown' by Mary in her garden.

1) Mary Mary

Let's start with Mary Mary....

"Mary Mary quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells
And pretty maids all in a row."

Now I'm not much of a horticulturist, but I'm pretty sure Mary's a big fat liar.

Her garden grows with 'silver bells' and 'cockle shells'?  Really?  You're growing bells and shells, Mary, are you?  And just how did you manage that?  Even more impressive, you're growing pretty maids?

If Mary was some sort of evil genetic scientist from a sci-fi horror story, then maybe, but as a gardener in a nursery rhyme, I'm sorry but I'm going to call Mary's claims a big fat lie.

About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.