Sunday, 19 October 2014

Weird English Expressions (Part 2)

Five More English expressions which may seem a little weird to foreign speakers...

A few months ago I highlighted a few weird English sayings which seem perfectly normal to me as an English person, but when you analyse them they perhaps might seem strange to speakers of other languages.  Here's another collection of unusual words and expressions found in the English language...

1) "Egg and soldiers."

Soldiers and soldiers.  Can you spot the difference?
On my latest travels I met an English girl and a French girl, and one day the English girl ordered 'egg and soldiers' for breakfast.  The French girl responded with a blank look and questioned what 'soldiers' were, so the English girl then explained that the toast was cut into 'soldiers'.  The French girl quite sensibly asked why we called them soldiers and the English girl replied, "Because they look like soldiers."  However, when you think about it they look nothing like soldiers.  They look like rectangular pieces of toast.

If you look at the side by side comparison pictured in the photo, I'm sure you'll agree that there's very little resembance at all.

Sunday, 12 October 2014

Payhip: A Handy Sales Website For Indie Authors

The 'How To Save The World' books ... now available in epub format from Payhip.

The 'How To Save The World' books, now available from Payhip.
For the first couple of years on sale, my alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books were available exclusively from Amazon.  I had always planned to make them available from other ebook stores, but somehow I never got around to it.

However, earlier this year were four months late in paying me my royalties, and their disinterested and tardy attitude to resolving this late payment finally prompted me into action.  As a result, all six books in the 'How To Save The World' series are now available in epub format from my Payhip sales page.

My experience with Payhip so far has been very positive, so I thought I would write a blog post on the benefits of self-publishing with Payhip for any indie authors currently considering expanding the number of sales channels where readers can buy their books.

Here are some of the advantages of Payhip:

Sunday, 5 October 2014

Yet More Signs From Around The World

Another batch of noteworthy signs...

As the title suggests, this post is a follow up to my previous posts entitled Signs From Around The World, More Signs From Around The World and Even More Signs From Around The World’ and features yet more photos of signs from around the world.

I'll start things off with a sign found in the window of a local mobile phone shop which makes a bold and perhaps controversial claim...

1) The perfect anniversary gift!

If you're a husband who is searching for a romantic special gift for
your wife for a memorable event such as an important wedding anniversary or birthday, then I've got the perfect suggestion.  What could be more romantic than...

...getting your wife's mobile phone unlocked!?

Mobile phone unlocking...  The perfect romantic gift for a 25th wedding anniversary.

After all, as the sign says, "The perfect gift for any occasion!"  I'm sure a wife celebrating her 25th wedding anniversary would be absolutely delighted with such a romantic gift!

Sunday, 28 September 2014

Everything Will Be Okay In The End

...If it's not okay, it's not the end.

"Everything will be okay in the end.  If it's not okay, it's not the end."
iPhone 6 wallpaper (1334x750)
Anyone who has read my alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books may remember that at one stage in the opening book, the main character, Eric, was feeling downhearted with his lack of success in his quest to save the world.  However, Eric then took inspiration from a quote on one of his t-shirts and that quote was:

"Everything will be okay in the end.  If it's not okay, it's not the end."

In actual fact one of my own old t-shirts also features the very same quote, and it's a quote that I really like, so as last week saw the release of the latest iPhone 6 from Apple, I therefore thought it would be topical to turn the quote into an iPhone wallpaper.

Sunday, 21 September 2014

Duck And Cover!

A look at the past in honour of World Peace Day.

Today is officially World Peace Day (or International Day Of Peace as it's also known) and sometimes the best way to ensure peace is to look at the mistakes of history and remind ourselves of the horrors of war.

So with that in mind, here's a short comic from the 1950s which was produced by the US government to warn citizens how to react if an atomic bomb goes off in their vicinity...

Bert the Turtle says, "Duck and cover!"

Sunday, 14 September 2014

Ten Quotes About Aliens And Ufos

Are we alone in the universe?

The Earth's moon, coincidentally also named 'The Moon'.
Just one of billions of moons and planets throughout the universe.
As regular readers of the Charles Fudgemuffin blog will know, my comedy 'How To Save The World' books feature aliens from the fictional planets Fem and Fyra.

The books are very light-hearted and entirely fictional, but when you consider that the observable universe contains an estimated 100 to 200 billion galaxies, each with an average 100 billion stars, you have to suspect that's there's at least a chance that we're not alone in the universe.

I personally find books and documentaries on space and the universe really fascinating, so it's interesting to read what famous people have said about aliens and UFOs...

1) NASA astronaut, Gordon Cooper:

"While working with a camera crew supervising flight testing of advanced aircraft at Edward's Air Force Base, California, the camera crew filmed the landing of a strange disc object that flew in over their heads and landed on a dry lake nearby.  A camera crewman approached the saucer, it rose up above the area and flew off at a speed faster than any known aircraft."

2) Will Smith:

"I think it would be arrogant and borderline foolish to believe there's no other life forms that exist out there."

Sunday, 7 September 2014

Weird Facebook Likes (Part 4)

Physical, financial and culinary bad news...

A topic I've covered before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog is the bizarre practise of someone posting bad news on facebook, only for all their so-called friends to click the 'like' button!  It's been a few months since my last post on this subject, so here's another batch of weird and inappropriate facebook likes which I've come across.

"I've just slashed my finger with a meat cleaver."
1 friend likes this.
1) "Searching around my kitchen draw for some sellotape and......yes a verrrrry sharp meat that smarts!!!!!"
1 friend likes this.

Maybe it's just me, but I can't quite grasp why your friend nearly slicing his finger off would be something you would like?!?

This next one is an example of financial misfortune, rather than physical misfortune...

2) "Can't believe I've walked away from the cash machine and left my £100!  What an idiot!!!"
4 friends like this.

So to recap, in all probability you've just lost £100 at an ATM because of a foolish error, and four of your alleged friends like this!!??  If I had just lost £100 and four friends 'liked' it, I think I would be making use of the 'unfriend' button very quickly indeed!

About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.