Saturday, 20 January 2018

True Or False: Real Word Or Made Up (Part 2)

"Not to be used for bribing snollygosters."
It's time for another test of vocabulary as the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features another true or false quiz based on unusual words.  Some of the words are real, while others are completely made up.  See if you can guess which is which...

1) Snollygoster

A snollygoster is a shrewd unprincipled person motivated by personal gain.  For example, a politician who cares more about feathering their own nest than serving the people could be described as a snollygoster.

True or false?

Saturday, 13 January 2018

Vegetables And Fruit That Look Like Things

Just as the title says, here are some vegetables and fruit that look like things, featuring tomatoes, teddy bears, bananas lemons, ducks, potatoes, chickens, and gangsta carrots coming at ya' from the street.

1) Tomato man

To start things off, here's a twig man wearing tomatoes for shoes.  By the looks of it he's just about to go for a run...

"On your marks..."
Photo: Reddit

Saturday, 6 January 2018

Silly Nursery Rhymes

Quite some time ago on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I wrote about how some children's stories are inappropriately scary. This week I follow a similar theme as I take a look at some of the peculiarities found in nursery rhymes.

A cockle shell, as 'grown' by Mary in her garden.

1) Mary Mary

Let's start with Mary Mary....

"Mary Mary quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells
And pretty maids all in a row."

Now I'm not much of a horticulturist, but I'm pretty sure Mary's a big fat liar.

Her garden grows with 'silver bells' and 'cockle shells'?  Really?  You're growing bells and shells, Mary, are you?  And just how did you manage that?  Even more impressive, you're growing pretty maids?

If Mary was some sort of evil genetic scientist from a sci-fi horror story, then maybe, but as a gardener in a nursery rhyme, I'm sorry but I'm going to call Mary's claims a big fat lie.

Saturday, 30 December 2017

A simple test to determine your ideal career.

At the start of every new year, it's traditional to make new year's resolutions, such as getting fit, or finding a new job.

So for the benefit of anyone who is sick of their current job, and who is considering a change of profession, here's a simple test to determine your ideal career.

Follow the instructions below to find out the job that you'd be perfect for:

What is your ideal career?
Find out with this simple test.
* Pick a number between 1 and 9.
* Multiply by 3.
* Add 3 to that number.
* Multiply by 3 again.
* Add the two digits together.

The number you are left with corresponds with your ideal job...

1) Scientist.
2) Super model.
3) Astronaut.
4) Footballer.
5) Doctor.
6) Formula 1 driver.
7) Pilot.
8) Pop star.
9) Village idiot.
10) Writer.

What ideal job did you get?

Saturday, 23 December 2017

A Christmas message for any politically correct readers!

At this festive time of the year, I traditionally like to post a special holiday message to all my blog readers. Click the image below to read the Christmas message in hi-res!

For any politically correct readers of the Charles Fudgemuffin blog...

Saturday, 16 December 2017

10 Christmas Jokes (Part 3)

As it's only a week or so until Christmas, here's another round-up of Christmas themed jokes...

Santa wearing a Christmas jumper.
1) When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?
Every year!

2) What do you get if you cross Santa Claus and a frog?
A Christmas jumper.

3) What did Adam say to Eve on Christmas Day?
Adam: "It's Christmas, Eve!"
Eve: "No, that was yesterday."

4) What did Adam say to Eve on Christmas Eve?
Adam: "It's Christmas Eve, Eve!"
Eve: "Technically speaking, Christmas Eve Eve would be the day before Christmas Eve, and that was yesterday...

5) Did you hear about the thief who stole an advent calendar?
He got 24 days.

Saturday, 9 December 2017

Random Christmas Thoughts

It's only a few days until Christmas, so here are a few random Christmas related thoughts...

Please note, the above list is intended purely
for illustrative purposes, and is not intended as a
true reflection of which children have been naughty.

1) The optimum time to be naughty

Santa keeps a list of everyone who has been naughty each year, so the best time to be naughty is from December 26th to December 31st.  It's too late for Santa to put you on the naughty list for the current year because you've already received your Christmas presents, and it's too early for him to put you on the naughty list for next year, because the new naughty list doesn't start until January 1st.

About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.