10 jokes and memes about jobs (part 3)

A wise man once said, "Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life. Because you'll get fired for doing what you love, rather than doing your job."

As luck would have it, that leads us nicely into this week's blog post, which is also on the theme of jobs.

1) Thankfully, I've worked at several companies with hard-working managers who do a good job. However, I've worked at the occasional place like this...

"Due to cutbacks, we're going to have to fire Dave."

10 jokes and memes about jobs (part 2)

If you're a relative of an influential politician then you may have a high paid 'consultancy job' in a foreign country which coincidentally just so happens to receive billions of taxpayers' money in foreign aid, which definitely goes to help needy people and definitely doesn't get used as back handers for politicians' relatives. **shifty eyes**

Grumpy Cat: "Why are you so sad?"
Grumpy Clown: "I was sacked for being late.
What about you? Why are you so sad?"
Grumpy Cat: "Because I'm not the real Grumpy Cat. I'm just a look-alike.
I only get paid a fraction of what the real Grumpy Cat earned!"

However, the rest of us need to get real jobs, so this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features another round-up of jokes and memes about jobs.

1) A clown turned up for work late on his first day and he got sacked from the circus. He's suing for funfair dismissal.

Credit: Athletico Mince



2) Being a waiter isn't the most glamorous job, but it puts food on the table.

10 jokes and memes about jobs

My ideal job would involve working for two hours per week, have 10 months holiday per year, and come with a seven figure salary. Sadly, my chances of being hired as a ******* ********** who takes ****** from ******* ************ seem unlikely, so instead I'll just have to settle for blogging!

"Hooray! It's time to go to work!"
A typical reaction from most people at the start of the work day.

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features 10 job related jokes and memes...

1) I've just started work as a rubbish collector. I asked if I'll get any training, but they said I just pick it up as I go along.



2) It must be really weird getting fired if you're a security guard, because you'd have to escort yourself off the premises.



3) Whoever created this next sign either has a silly sense of humour, or they're not very good at basic arithmetic...

Name fits job (part 2)

A topic I've featured before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog is the subject of aptronyms, and as regular Charles Fudgemuffin readers may remember, an aptronym is a 'name which is appropriate for its owner'.*

* Or if you're clever, you might have known that anyway, even if you don't read the Charles Fudgemuffin blog!

Anyway, there are many more people in the world who have names which fit their jobs, so here's another round-up of aptronyms...

"Say cheese fromage!"

1) Mr Fromage the French cheese maker

Bruno Fromage was the former Managing Director of Danone, a food company that makes cheese and other dairy products!

To make Mr Fromage's name even more appropriate, Danone are a French company!

Silly job titles (part 4)

Editor: "Charles, it's not silly jobs. It's silly job titles."
Charles: "Oops!"

There's an old joke which goes...

'I used to be a rubbish collector, but now I'm pretty good at it.'

Or for the benefit of any American readers, 'I used to be a garbage collector, but now I'm pretty good at it.'

However, thanks to the modern trend of inventing stupid pretentious names for jobs, nowadays the joke would go...

'I used to be a sanitation engineer, but now I'm pretty good at it.'

Not quite as funny if you ask me. Well, not unless you're into bizarre jokes which don't make sense.

Anyway, this week on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I'm once again highlighting pretentious modern job titles in the form of a quiz. Have a look at the following jobs, and see if you can work out what jobs they actually refer to.

Name fits job

This week on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I take a look at a few examples where people's names seemed particularly suited to their jobs.

Believe it or not, there is actually a word to describe a name that seems appropriate for its owner, and that word is 'aptronym'. So without further ado, read on to discover a collection of aptronyms!

1) Mr Skidmore the speedway rider

Skidmore by name, skid more by nature.

Hugh Skidmore was a speedway rider who drove for Sheffield Tigers!

Can you imagine the conversation when he first met the manager of Sheffield Tigers?

Sheffield Tigers manager: "Hugh Skidmore?"
Hugh: "No, I'm a very good rider. I hardly skid at all!"

In actual fact, as fans of motorcycle speedway will know, speedway bikes have only one gear and no brakes, so riders do have to slide (or skid) around the corners!

Funny job adverts

This week the Charles Fudemuffin blog takes a look at a selection of noteworthy and unusual job adverts...

1) This is kind of ironic...

Unpaid internship for the Fight Against Slavery. #DoubleStandards

"We are looking for someone to work for free in the fight against slavery.

This person would have to work for free."

Funny job application answers (part 3)

Meteorology ... the perfect training for a job as a stock broker.

I've featured funny job application answers previously on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, and here's another batch of silly job application responses, interview answers and CV entries from job applicants...

1) Why do you want the job?

If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here.



2) Tell of a time you made a mistake and how you dealt with it:

I stole some equipment from my old job, and I had to pay for its replacement.



3) I refer to the recent death of the technical manager. Each time I apply for the job I get a reply saying there's no vacancy but in this case, I have caught you red-handed and I even attended his funeral to be sure he was truly dead and buried. Attached to my letter is a copy of my CV and his death certificate.

Funny job application answers (part 2)

The Spinach language.

One of my popular blog posts on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog was my round-up of 'funny job application answers' which highlighted a few mistakes to avoid when appying for a job.

There have been many more silly answers by job applicants, so here's another batch of amusing answers taken from CVs, job application forms and job interviews...

1) Strengths: One of my greatest strengths is being able to identify many foreign accents. I am also bilingual, speaking three languages: English, French and Spinach.



2) Why do you want to work for this company?

Because I applied at 100 other companies and none of them have called me yet.

Silly job titles (part 3)

"Would you like me to facilitate ketchup
on your mobile sustenance?"

I've mentioned before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog that modern society seems to have an increasing obsession for replacing straight forward traditional job titles with fancy long-winded descriptions.

I was reminded of this the other morning when I noticed a van parked outside our neighbours' house with the slogan...

'Height Safety Solutions'

Or in other words...

'Scaffolding'

On the face of it, 'height safety solutions' would seem a logical, if unnecessarily wordy, way to describe scaffolding.  However, surely the safest way to achieve height safety is to stay on the ground!

Anyway, once again it's time for another quiz based on confusing job titles, so see if you can guess what jobs the following list of jargon actually refers to. To start you off, the first job title may be familiar*...

Silly job titles (part 2)

A cover up?
Or 'Responsible discretion in the national interest..."

One of my favourite examples of official mumbo jumbo jargon, was in an old episode of the classic sitcom 'Yes, Prime Minister' when Sir Humphrey Appleby was describing a cover up. However, being a stereotypical civil servant, he didn't simply call it a cover up, and instead he referred to it as:

"Reponsible discretion exercised in the national interest to prevent unnecessary disclosure of eminently justifiable procedures in which untimely revelation would severely impair public confidence."

Or to put it simply ... a cover up!

More recently, the practise of using long winded mumbo jumbo to describe simple terms seems to have spread to the naming of job titles, and I featured a few of these silly job titles in a previous blog post.

Funny job application answers

If you want advice on how not to get a job, have a read of the following job application answers...

"The successful applicant must be hard working,
good with figures, and of course...
do excellent dinosaur impressions."

At one of my previous jobs my supervisor asked the senior manager, who was a bit of a joker, to have a quick look at her CV to see if he could suggest any improvements. For a sneaky prank, the senior manager added the following entry to her CV...

Hobbies: Swearing and shoplifting.

Incredibly, some real life job applicants* have actually given answers just as inappropriate, so for this week's blog post I've featured a round-up of unusual answers taken from CVs, job application forms and job interviews...

* Presumably unsuccessful.

1) In one word, summarise your strongest professional attribute:
I'm very good at following instructions.


2) Skills: I can do an excellent triceratops impersonation.

Silly job titles

Do you call a spade a spade, or a 'soil relocation device'?

A 'soil relocation device', more commonly known as a spade.

As I was leaving the house the other morning a van drove by with the words 'Fluid Transferral Systems' emblazoned across its side. At first I was baffled as to what this actually meant, until at the bottom of the display in small letters I noticed the simple explanation...

'Hoses'

In this day and age there seems to be an ever increasing popularity to invent stupid complicated ways of describing things, especially when it comes to job titles.

So on that theme I thought I would compose a quiz based on some of the long-winded job titles that companies and organisations have used to describe jobs which are traditionally known by a more simple description.

All of the following are real job titles that some daft PR people have come up with. With some of them, by deciphering the jargon you can probably work out what the actual real normal job title is, but in some cases, especially with the last example, even when you see the answer you'll think, "Eh? Which fool came up with that daft job name?"

See how many you can work out, and to start you off, the first job is based on the already mentioned van slogan. You'll find the answers at the bottom of the quiz...