Saturday, 21 November 2015

Funny Job Application Answers

How Not To Get A Job...

"The successful applicant must be hard working,
good with figures, and of course...
do excellent dinosaur impressions."
At one of my previous jobs my supervisor asked the senior manager, who was a bit of a joker, to have a quick look at her CV to see if he could suggest any improvements.  For a sneaky prank, the senior manager added the following entry to her CV...

Hobbies: Swearing and shoplifting.

Incredibly, some real life job applicants* have actually given answers just as inappropriate, so for this week's blog post I've featured a round-up of unusual answers taken from CVs, job application forms and job interviews...

* Presumably unsuccessful.

1) In one word, summarise your strongest professional attribute:
I'm very good at following instructions.

2) Skills: I can do an excellent triceratops impersonation.

3) Why do you want this job?
I want to be an astronaut and I think working in a call centre will help me gain confidence for talking to mission control from space.

4) Previous job: I owned a small business.
Reason for leaving: I got fired.

What assets make you suitable for the job?
5) What are your assets?
Well, I do own a bike.

6) Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job.
...Translation: I've been sacked from a lot of jobs.

7) What are your weaknesses?
I am an alcoholic and do not deserve this job.

8) What was your biggest achievement in your previous job?
I would have been more successful if nobody would have snitched on me.

9) I am loyal to my employer at all costs...
Please feel free to respond to my application on my office voice mail.

10) Why do you want the job?
I don't really want the job, but the emplyment office need proof that I'm looking for one.

11) Reason for leaving last job:
The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.

A generous bonus from one employer...
12) Tell us about a problem you had with a co-worker and how you resolved it:
The resolution was we were both fired.

13) Talents: I am proud to say I only ever liked disco for a few months in the eighties.

14) What are your weaknesses?
Sometimes I feel like smashing things.

15) Relevant qualifications/awards:
I received a plague (sic) for 'Salesperson of the Year'.

You can find more unusual CVs/job application answers/interview answers...

i) In the book 'Crap CVs' by Jenny Crompton.
ii) If you happen to own a collection of random old magazines, in an article from an edition of Fortune magazine from the 90s.
iii) If you know one of my former bosses, you could also ask her as she has lots of stories regarding 'non-conventional' job applicants that she's interviewed.

Related links:
Silly Job Titles
Outside The Box Employment Agency

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About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.