* Technically, 'Mr Jellyhead And The Rusty Tricycle Saga', was written by my younger brother, Charles Fudgemuttin Jr., who is definitely not just me writing in a children's style, and is definitely a different author. **shifty eyes**
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| Mr Jellyhead has a head made of jelly* and he's the star of the book. * Or jello in America. |
1) My Jellyhead
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
My office printer doesn't jelly every time I try to print a report.
Bonus joke:
What's the difference between jelly and jam?
I've never got stuck in a traffic jelly!
Editor's note: "I thought jam was the English word for jelly?"
Charles: "You thought correctly!"
Editor: "So that would mean there's no difference, then?"
Charles: "I think a better question for you would be, 'What's the difference between a joke and a fact'?"
None. They no longer make that socket. You just buy a new house.
Once upon a time, there was a teddy bear who got a job working in a coal mine.
On the first day of his new job, the teddy bear got up nice and early, went to the mine, grabbed his pick, and did a hard day's work of digging for coal.
On the second day of his new job, the teddy bear got up nice and early, went to the mine, grabbed his pick, and did another hard day's work of digging for coal.
Then on the third day, the teddy bear got up nice and early, and went to the mine. However, when he went to grab his pick, it was nowhere to be seen. After searching for it unsuccessfully for over an hour, he eventually decided to ask his supervisor if he knew what had happened to it.
"What's happened to my pick?" the teddy bear asked.
"Oh, didn't you realize?" the supervisor replied. "Today's the day the teddy bears get their picks nicked."
Two balloons are in the desert.
The first balloon says to the other balloon, "Watch out for that cactus!"
The second balloon replies, "What cactussssss?"
Two friends, Barry and Terry, are walking along the street one day when a mugger appears. The mugger pulls out a gun and demands, "Give me all your money!"
As they are pulling out their wallets, Terry says, "One second!" and he removes twenty dollars from his wallet and gives it to Barry.
"Barry, here's the twenty dollars I owe you," Terry smiles.
Bonus joke:
I won ten million dollars on the lottery, so being the generous person that I am, I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
So now I have $9,999,999.75.
What do you call a corn dog with no legs?
A corn dog. Corn dogs don't have legs.
Editor: "Then how has Mayor Corn Dog got legs?"
Charles: "Look, he's a weird character from a children's book. Don't overthink it."
I just went to blow my tyres up at the garage and it cost ten pounds!
Ten pounds! What a rip off! It was only five pounds when I blew them up a few months ago.
But I suppose that's the cost of inflation.
Editor: "Charles, what has a joke about inflation got to do with Big Bad Brian?"
Charles: "Big Bad Brian runs the garage in Tricycle Land, and the joke is about me inflating my car tyres at a garage."
Editor: "But I thought you didn't have a car?"
Charles: "Look, it's not real! It's just a joke! If you must know, the real reason is I just couldn't think of a joke on the theme of Brians, so this was the closest link I could come up with."
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| Bright Spark is a talking lightbulb whose head lights up every time he has a good idea. |
2) Bright Spark
How many Apple engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They no longer make that socket. You just buy a new house.
3) Patch the teddy bear
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| Patch is a patchwork teddy bear, and along with Bright Spark, he's one of Mr Jellyhead's best friends. |
On the first day of his new job, the teddy bear got up nice and early, went to the mine, grabbed his pick, and did a hard day's work of digging for coal.
On the second day of his new job, the teddy bear got up nice and early, went to the mine, grabbed his pick, and did another hard day's work of digging for coal.
Then on the third day, the teddy bear got up nice and early, and went to the mine. However, when he went to grab his pick, it was nowhere to be seen. After searching for it unsuccessfully for over an hour, he eventually decided to ask his supervisor if he knew what had happened to it.
"What's happened to my pick?" the teddy bear asked.
"Oh, didn't you realize?" the supervisor replied. "Today's the day the teddy bears get their picks nicked."
 |
| Cactus Harry is the owner of the town entertainment square. |
4) Cactus Harry
Two balloons are in the desert.
The first balloon says to the other balloon, "Watch out for that cactus!"
The second balloon replies, "What cactussssss?"
 |
| Two-Faced Terry runs the Rust Charity, and therefore he can definitely be trusted. **shifty eyes** |
5) Two-Faced Terry
Two friends, Barry and Terry, are walking along the street one day when a mugger appears. The mugger pulls out a gun and demands, "Give me all your money!"
As they are pulling out their wallets, Terry says, "One second!" and he removes twenty dollars from his wallet and gives it to Barry.
"Barry, here's the twenty dollars I owe you," Terry smiles.
Bonus joke:
I won ten million dollars on the lottery, so being the generous person that I am, I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
So now I have $9,999,999.75.
 |
| Mayor Corn Dog is the mayor of Tricycle Land, and as the mayor, he would never abuse his power for personal gain. Would he...? |
6) Mayor Corn Dog
What do you call a corn dog with no legs?
A corn dog. Corn dogs don't have legs.
Editor: "Then how has Mayor Corn Dog got legs?"
Charles: "Look, he's a weird character from a children's book. Don't overthink it."
7) Big Bad Brian
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| Big Bad Brian runs the only garage in Tricycle Land. |
Ten pounds! What a rip off! It was only five pounds when I blew them up a few months ago.
But I suppose that's the cost of inflation.
Editor: "Charles, what has a joke about inflation got to do with Big Bad Brian?"
Charles: "Big Bad Brian runs the garage in Tricycle Land, and the joke is about me inflating my car tyres at a garage."
Editor: "But I thought you didn't have a car?"
Charles: "Look, it's not real! It's just a joke! If you must know, the real reason is I just couldn't think of a joke on the theme of Brians, so this was the closest link I could come up with."
Editor: "Oh, well then, you should have asked me. I know a joke about Brians..."
Bonus joke (courtesy of the editor):
R.I.P. to my good friends, Brian Smith and Brian Jones.
They were eaten by a pack of dyslexic zombies.
For Halloween, I dressed up as a screwdriver.
It wasn't the best costume, but I still turned a lot of heads.
Editor: "Charles, if Screwdriver the dog is made of spanners, then why isn't he called 'Spanners the dog'? Surely that would make more sense than calling him Screwdriver!?"
Charles: "Don't ask me. Ask Big Bad Brian. He's his dog! Big Bad Brian named him, not me!"
It's nice being an optimist, but I've heard that being a pessimist has its perks too.
You're either right, or pleasantly surprised.
What celebrity is always ready for a bowl of ice cream?
Reese, with her spoon.
Editor: "Charles, why is Pancake McBurgerface called Pancake McBurgerface? It seems like an unusual name for a snowman."
Charles: "Well, if you want to know the answer to that question, you'll have to buy the book!"
Editor: "Bah! And I was hoping I wouldn't have to spend any money."
- - - - - - - - - -
These are just some of the unusual characters from Tricycle Land (where 'Mr Jellyhead And The Rusty Tricycle Saga' is set) but there are many more.
- - - - - - - - - -
As a reminder, 'Mr Jellyhead And The Rusty Tricycle Saga' is available for kindle from Amazon.
This is the blurb:
"Mr Jellyhead, Patch and Bright Spark were three friends who lived in Tricycle Land.
It was easy to recognize them, because Mr Jellyhead had a head made of jelly, Patch was a patchwork teddy bear, and Bright Spark was a talking lightbulb whose head lit up every time he had a good idea, or said something that was correct.
The three friends lived a happy life in Tricycle Land until one day Patch had some sad news regarding his tricycle...
- - - - - - - - - -
Although 'Mr Jellyhead and the Rusty Tricycle Saga' is written in the style of a children's book, it nevertheless features some serious themes – albeit rather cryptically – which will probably only be understood by an adult audience. As a result, this book should not be read by anyone!"
Advert
You can find blog posts promoting books with slightly less weird characters below:
Faces in things (robot edition)
Dead Man's Switch
Bonus joke (courtesy of the editor):
R.I.P. to my good friends, Brian Smith and Brian Jones.
They were eaten by a pack of dyslexic zombies.
 |
| Screwdriver is Big Bad Brian's pet guard dog. He's a dog made of spanners and metal. |
8) Screwdriver the dog
For Halloween, I dressed up as a screwdriver.
It wasn't the best costume, but I still turned a lot of heads.
Editor: "Charles, if Screwdriver the dog is made of spanners, then why isn't he called 'Spanners the dog'? Surely that would make more sense than calling him Screwdriver!?"
Charles: "Don't ask me. Ask Big Bad Brian. He's his dog! Big Bad Brian named him, not me!"
 |
| Not a lot is known about Pleasant John, other than he wants to open a new garage in town. |
9) Pleasant John
It's nice being an optimist, but I've heard that being a pessimist has its perks too.
You're either right, or pleasantly surprised.
 |
| Pancake McBurgerface is a snowman who runs the ice cream parlor in Tricycle Land. |
10) Pancake McBurgerface
What celebrity is always ready for a bowl of ice cream?
Reese, with her spoon.
Editor: "Charles, why is Pancake McBurgerface called Pancake McBurgerface? It seems like an unusual name for a snowman."
Charles: "Well, if you want to know the answer to that question, you'll have to buy the book!"
Editor: "Bah! And I was hoping I wouldn't have to spend any money."
- - - - - - - - - -
These are just some of the unusual characters from Tricycle Land (where 'Mr Jellyhead And The Rusty Tricycle Saga' is set) but there are many more.
- - - - - - - - - -
 |
| Mr Jellyhead And The Rusty Tricycle Saga by Charles Fudgemuffin Jr. |
This is the blurb:
"Mr Jellyhead, Patch and Bright Spark were three friends who lived in Tricycle Land.
It was easy to recognize them, because Mr Jellyhead had a head made of jelly, Patch was a patchwork teddy bear, and Bright Spark was a talking lightbulb whose head lit up every time he had a good idea, or said something that was correct.
The three friends lived a happy life in Tricycle Land until one day Patch had some sad news regarding his tricycle...
- - - - - - - - - -
Although 'Mr Jellyhead and the Rusty Tricycle Saga' is written in the style of a children's book, it nevertheless features some serious themes – albeit rather cryptically – which will probably only be understood by an adult audience. As a result, this book should not be read by anyone!"
Advert
You can find blog posts promoting books with slightly less weird characters below:
Faces in things (robot edition)
Dead Man's Switch
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