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| Dead Man's Switch by Charles Fudgemuffin |
To promote it, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a lighthearted look at the subject of death, starting with an optimistically accurate Japanese word...
1) In Japanese, the kanji for 'widow' translates as 'not dead yet person'.
2) I helped my friend hide a dead body.
He said, "Thanks."
I said, "Don't mention it."
Legal disclaimer: The above story is a work of fiction for the purposes of making a joke. In reality, my friend is extremely ungrateful, and would never say thank you.
3) The odds of being murdered by babies are low, but never zero...
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| Credit: memedroid |
To be fair, I never liked getting my photo taken when I was young, so I probably looked a lot angrier than that in my baby photos!
4) Here's a top tip for terminally ill pranksters...
Just before you die, swallow a large bag of popcorn kernels, just to make the cremation a bit more exciting.
5) Anyone planning on getting the train to Leeds, please be aware that they operate a rather extreme passenger policy.
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| Credit: imgflip |
I suspect the sign was suppposed to read:
"We are now approaching Leeds where this train terminates. Customers..."
#GrammarIsImportant
6) Here's a morbid variation on a famous inspirational quote...
"Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.
Give a man a poisoned fish, and you feed him for the rest of his life."
7) On average, two people die worldwide every second.
That means that since you started reading this blog post, approximately [*] people have died.
* Insert personalised figure depending on how fast you read.
8) Whoever was responsible for the placement of this next sign could perhaps have chosen a better location...
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| Credit: moddb |
Elderly people on their way to the cemetery. Also, I couldn't help noticing that it looks like the elderly lady is pickpocketing the elderly man.
9) I gave away all of my dead batteries today.
Free of charge.
10) Finally, whoever created this death registration website obviously doesn't understand how death works...
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| Credit: imgflip |
"The person listed on the Death Certificate is:
Myself?"
For people with short memories, here's a reminder that my latest book 'Dead Man's Switch' was released this week. It's available for kindle from Amazon. Here's the blurb...
"Jack Hastings wakes up to discover he has been kidnapped by a deranged doctor. This doctor has set him ten 'tasks', which Jack assumes will each be of increasing severity.
To incentivize Jack's compliance, his kidnapper has also operated on Jack and placed a bomb inside him. If Jack fails – or refuses to complete – any of the tasks, then the bomb will be detonated. If he successfully completes all ten tasks, then his kidnapper promises to remove the bomb and let him go free.
However, as always when dealing with deranged psychopaths, perhaps it is not wise to take everything his kidnapper says at face value..."
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