Geordie jokes

I often have blog posts celebrating weird national days, but one national day I've never previously mentioned on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog is National Geordie Day! Being a Geordie myself, this is perhaps an oversight on my part, but it's one I'm finally about to correct, as this weeks the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features a selection of Geordie jokes to celebrate National Geordie Day.

A meringue.

If you speak Geordie yourself then the following jokes will need no explanation. However, for the benefit of anyone who is unfamiliar with the Geordie dialect, I've also included an appendix providing translations of relevant Geordie words.

1) A Geordie walks into Greggs, points at the display and asks, "Is that a cake or a meringue?"

The baker replies, "No, you're right. It's a cake."



2) What do you call a Geordie girl who's learning to drive?
Lorna.



3) When you ask a Geordie what a wine cellar is used for...

"Alcohol storage, pet."

4) I asked my Geordie mate to read out my A Level results.  I don't know whether I got As or Es!



5) I had a sore knee, so I went to a Geordie doctor...

Doctor: "Okay, what's the problem?"
Me: "I've got knee problems."
Doctor: "Then why are you wasting my time if there's nothing wrong with you!"

Chocolate bars that smell like coconuts.

6) I told my Geordie mate his chocolate bars smell like coconuts.

"Well they're bounty," he replied.



7) A runaway lorry has crashed into Newcastle Aquarium, smashing all the sea life tanks. There are terrapins everywhere.

It's turtle chaos!



8) My Geordie mate has just got a job in Russia campaigning for the rights of napkin makers.
It's in the serviette union.



9) What do you call a Geordie marsupial who is stuck in a hole?
A kangaroot!

"I'm afraid there's been a misunderstanding..."

10) A Geordie went to the hairdressers and asked for a perm.

The hairdresser replied:

"Roses are red, the Toon's black and white.
Would you prefer your parting, to the left or the right?"


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As promised, here are the translations:

1) 'Am I wrong?' in Geordie would be pronounced 'Am a wrang?' which sounds like 'a meringue'.

2) 'Learner' is pronounced 'Lorna' in Geordie.

3) Geordies, particularly older Geordies, will often say 'pet' on the end of a sentence, even when talking to strangers.

4) I often experience this problem when I'm on the phone to people from down south. To me, and I'm sure all Geordies, our As and Es sound totally different from each other, but the rest of the country think otherwise apparently!

An emotional scene for any Geordies.

5) 'No' is pronounced 'nee' in Geordie.

6) If a Geordie said, 'They are bound to', it would sound like, 'They're bounty!"

7) 'Total' sounds like 'turtle' in Geordie.

8) 'Soviet' sounds like 'serviette' in Geordie.

9) 'Out' is pronounced 'oot' in Geordie, so when said quickly, 'I can't get out,' sounds like, 'A kangaroot."

10) If you say 'poem' in a Geordie accent it sounds a bit like 'perm'.

I have to admit, some of the jokes are based on what a steroptypical Geordie accent sounds like, rather than what an actual real Geordie accent sounds like, but either way, as a Geordie myself I still found them amusing.

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Incidentally, I would have thought it would make more sense to celebrate National Geordie Day on 9th June, given the reference in the Blaydon Races*. However, for some reason National Geordie Day is celebrated on 16th July.

* A traditional Geordie song with the lyrics, "I went to Blaydon Races. It was on 9th June."

This is my first blog post of Geordie jokes, so I can't link to any previous Geordie jokes. However, you can find more jokes on unrelated themes in the blog posts below:
Nerd jokes
Light bulb jokes