If I had a dollar...

Good ideas are like dollars. They make cents.

Looks like Windows has crashed again.

That was a financially related way of leading into this week's blog post, as this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features a round-up of 'If I had a dollar' jokes.*

* For the benefit of UK readers, that's like an 'If I had a penny' joke, but with a really bad exchange rate.

1) If Bill Gates had a dollar for every time Windows crashed...

Oh, wait. He does!

Editor's note: "Charles, I wouldn't recommend making jokes about Bill Gates. What if he takes the huff and shadow bans you from Bing?"
Charles: "I'm sure Bill has got a really good sense of humor, and would therefore never dream of taking such petty action." **shifty eyes**



2) If I had a dollar for every time I got a math problem wrong...

I'd have $3.56!

Look away now!

3) If I had a dollar for every time someone said not to look directly at the eclipse...

I'd have enough money to pay for the eye surgery I need now!



4) If I had a dollar for every time someone called me a boring nerd...

I'd have a mean daily income of $4.67 with a standard deviation of $1.75.



5) If I had a dollar for every time I had an existential crisis...

Would it even matter?

If I had a dollar, I'd buy a cheese on toast sandwich. Mmm...

Editor: "Charles, I don't think you could buy a cheese on toast
sandwich for that cheap. Not unless you had a time machine."
Charles: "Fine. If I had a dollar and a time machine,
I'd buy a cheese on toast sandwich."

6) If I had a dollar for every time a girl found me unattractive...

Girls would find me attractive.



7) If I had a dollar for every time, I got distracted...

I really fancy a cheese toasted sandwich.



8) If I had a dollar for every time I messed up the punchline...

To get to the other side

"A millionaire? Wow!"

A smiling shiba inu.

9) If I had a dollar for every time algebra has been useful in real life...

I'd have (x-1)/y dollars.



10) If I had a dollar for every time my dog made me smile...

I'd be a millionaire!

- - - - - - - - -

If you've got a dollar, and you don't want it, then one way to get rid of it¹ is to buy my light-hearted crime themed short story, 'Two Bullets', which is available for kindle from Amazon. It's currently priced at $0.99. (Or £0.77 in the UK.)<sup>2

1</sup> Or most of it. 99 percent of it, to be precise.
² At the time of writing.

You can find more jokes below:
Jokes that work better when spoken aloud
There are two types of people...