Jokes that work better when spoken aloud

Some jokes work best when they're spoken aloud. So, given that the Charles Fudgemuffin blog is published in written form, that would therefore make those type of jokes the worst possible jokes to feature on the blog.

"Get out!"
"No, gout!"

Nevertheless, despite how illogical and unsuited jokes like that would be for a blog post, I'm going to feature them anyway!

To enhance the quality of your joke reading experience, you may wish to read each joke aloud. However, I only recommend doing this if you are on your own, otherwise people might think you're a bit weird if you just start randomly reading out jokes.

1) Me: "Doctor, I've got really sore feet."
Doctor: "Gout."
Me: "But I've only just got here!"



2) I just got an email from eBay asking for some feedback on the item I bought last week.
So I rang them up and went 'hrztttckxkkzxzx'.*

* Feedback noise.

I was surprised to learn that there is actually a brie festival:
www.briefestival.com

3) Why do the Norwegians put barcodes on their battleships?
So they can Scandinavian.



4) I've just been to the shortest cheese festival ever.
The brie fest.



5) Me: "I've just been to the capital city of Malawi."
Friend: "Lilongwe?" *
Me: "No, I took a short cut."

* The long way.

A candle.
And also a cat.

6) I hate people who talk about me behind my back.
They discussed me.



7) I got fired from the candle factory because I wouldn't work wick ends.



8) What’s the difference between a camera and a foot?
A foot has five toes, whereas a camera has photos.*

* Four toes.



9) Why don't French people have two eggs for breakfast?
Because one egg is un oeuf.*

* Enough.

French people about to eat breakfast...
...look away now.

10) Finally, here's a conversation* I had with my mate the other week...

Me: "What's the coldest place you've ever been?"
Friend: "Siberia."
Me: "And what about your wife?"
Friend: "Alaska."
Me: "Okay, let me know what she says."

* Not really. That was just a fictitious unsubstantiated claim I used as a link into the joke.

You can find more jokes on a variety of themes in the blog posts below:
Star Wars jokes
10 jokes about writers
There are two types of people...