Funny 'literally' quotes (part 5)

From time to time I literally like to feature quotes highlighting misuse of the word 'literally' on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, but incredibly, it's been almost three years since my last round-up of amusing misused literally quotes!

Leona Lewis, pictured after winning the X Factor.

However, this week the wait is literally over, as I finally get around to featuring another batch of funny 'literally' quotes starting with a quote from Leona Lewis after she won The X Factor...

1) ''I literally jumped out of my skin!''
~Leona Lewis



2) "Aston Villa have literally metaphorically had their pants pulled down."
~Dion Dublin

Make your mind up, Dion! Which one is it!? Literally or metaphorically?



3) "They are literally trying to kill Marcus Rashford."
~BBC live feed

Manchester City players resort to extreme measures against Manchester United.



4) "The great thing about this property is that you've literally got a supermarket on your doorstep."
~Sara Damergi

Lisa Scottoline, pictured yesterday.

What's so great about that, Sara? Surely it would make getting out of your house pretty tricky?



5) "I am an open book, literally."
~Lisa Scottoline



6) “Petrov is literally on fire down the City left.”
~John Curtis



7) "An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than literally anything."
~Anthony Jeselnik

Really? Worse than anything? Worse than organ harvesting by the CCP? Worse than mushroom flavoured ice cream?



8) "A man is literally what he thinks."
~James Allen

Well, thankfully that's not true, because I'm still thinking of mushroom flavoured ice cream right now.

Ray Floyd about to put his jedi mind skills to use.

9) "I honestly believe that with a strong mind, you can literally 'will' the ball into the hole."
~Ray Floyd

Cheat! Surely that's got to be against the rules!



10) "Gareth Bale literally has three lungs."
~Jamie Redknapp

I'm pretty sure that's against the rules as well!



11) "I was literally dragged through this book squirming, gasping and wincing."
~Fearne Cotton

Looks like the Brazil players are shrinking as well!

12) “Literally, he hasn't got a right foot, although not literally.”
~David Pleat



13) “After the first goal went in you could literally see the Derby players shrinking."
~Alan Shearer



14) "Howard always took care of older Australians. Morrison has literally thrown them under a bus."
~Jane Caro

Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison is called out for committing crimes against the elderly.



Finally, this misused literally quote from Jamie Redknapp conjures up a bizarre image...

15) "He’s literally just eaten the fourth official."
~Jamie Redknapp

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This compilation was literally written and compiled by Charles Fudgemuffin. Charles is the author of many books and short stories, including 'Never Work With Children Or Animals, Or Psychopathic Violent Criminals' which is literally available for kindle from Amazon.

If you know of any more amusing literally quotes, then feel free to leave a comment. Or if you don't know any more funny 'literally' quotes, then you can find more in my previous blog posts:
Part 1: "People are literally tearing their hair out!"
Part 2: "Everton are literally a bag of Revels!"
Part 3: "My stomach literally fell out of my body!"
Part 4: “Craig Bellamy has literally been on fire!”