Who said it: Alan Partridge or Richard Madeley?

Alan Partridge and Richard Madeley are different in many ways (for example, Alan is a fictitious character, whereas Richard is a real person). However, one thing they have in common is that they have both made a long list of embarassingly funny quotes over the years!

Unlike Bill Clinton, Richard Madeley knew he was innocent.

Editor: "Charles, you've given the first answer away!"
Charles: "Oops, sorry!"

So with that in mind, this the week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog hosts a Partridge vs Madeley quiz. All you have to do is take a read of the following quotes and see if you can guess who said each quote; Alan Partridge or Richard Madeley?

1) [To Bill Clinton] "I know what it’s like to be wronged by the press. I was once accused of shoplifting. Unlike you though, I knew I was innocent."

2) "Do you know what? You sound just like a villain from a Bond film. Dr No-Vocal Chords."

3) [To a man crying after meeting paramedics who saved his life] "Stop crying! This is supposed to make you happy! Anyway after the break, the biggest dog in the UK. And he really is big. Don’t miss it!"

An anonymous caller.

4) "You look awfully cheery considering it's the first anniversary of your mother's death."

5) "Our next caller has asked to remain anonymous, which in my experience says it'll turn out to be a cracker."

6) [Phone in] "Are picnics evil?"

  

7) "I’ve never met a single woman who’s happy with the way she looks. Except Jordan. Although I’ve never met her."

Number 10 is an old quote, because cars
have even more gears now.

8) [When offered a cigarette] "No, I don't smoke. I'm one of the anti-cancer set. We're a dying breed. Well, we're not, you are. I don't mean you've got cancer. Maybe you have."

9) [Mid conversation] "Would it be rude to stop talking to you and speak to somebody else?"

10) "What do you notice most that has changed during your 18 years in jail? Cars have five gears now, for example."

11) "He suffers for us. He bears our pain in the most public way possible. He serves a timeless human need, one that goes back long before the time of Christ. Perhaps this has always been Paul Gasgoine’s destiny."

12) "Putting a damp spoon back in the bowl is the tea-drinking equivalent of sharing a needle."

An elephant eats from the Tree Of Knowledge.

13) "Why do I bother? That's rhetorical by the way. Please don't text in. I know why I bother."

14) "So are you telling me elephants are not born evil!?"

15) "Let me tell you something about the Titanic. People forget that on the Titanic's maiden voyage there were over 1,000 miles of uneventful, very pleasurable cruising before it hit the iceberg."

16) "Without the discovery of Tutankhamun's tomb, archaelogy as it's now known would simply be known as 'digging' or 'digging for things'.

17) “There’s not many better things than seeing an older woman skipping.”

18) “I have to confess, as someone who is lucky enough to own more than one home, I know nothing about squatting.”

Onions.

Or 'oignons' for the benefit of any French readers.

19) "If you could make one species from animals extinct, which would it be, and how would you do it?"

20) "French people chomp on onions and go, 'Hoh, hee, hoh, hee, hoh.' That's a fact."

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If I was a technical expert, you'd be able to hover over each quote and the correct answer would appear. However, I'm not a technical expert, so I'm afraid you'll have to scroll down the page to find out who said each quote...

Answers:

"Bigger even than me? Surely not!"

1) Richard Madeley: "I know what it’s like to be wronged by the press. I was once accused of shoplifting. Unlike you though, I knew I was innocent."

2) Alan Partridge: "Do you know what? You sound just like a villain from a Bond film. Dr No-Vocal Chords."

3) Richard Madeley: "Stop crying! This is supposed to make you happy! Anyway after the break, the biggest dog in the UK. And he really is big. Don’t miss it!"

4) Alan Partridge: "You look awfully cheery considering it's the first anniversary of your mother's death."

5) Alan Partridge: "Our next caller has asked to remain anonymous, which in my experience says it'll turn out to be a cracker."

"Oi! Have you got a licence for that picnic!?"

6) Richard Madeley: "Are picnics evil?"

7) Richard Madeley: "I’ve never met a single woman who’s happy with the way she looks. Except Jordan. Although I’ve never met her."

8) Alan Partridge: "No, I don't smoke. I'm one of the anti-cancer set. We're a dying breed. Well, we're not, you are. I don't mean you've got cancer. Maybe you have."

9) Alan Partridge: "Would it be rude to stop talking to you and speak to somebody else?"

10) Richard Madeley: "What do you notice most that has changed during your 18 years in jail? Cars have five gears now, for example."

11) Richard Madeley: "He suffers for us. He bears our pain in the most public way possible. He serves a timeless human need, one that goes back long before the time of Christ. Perhaps this has always been Paul Gasgoine’s destiny."

12) Alan Partridge: "Putting a damp spoon back in the bowl is the tea-drinking equivalent of sharing a needle."

The Titanic.

13) Alan Partridge: "Why do I bother? That's rhetorical by the way. Please don't text in. I know why I bother."

14) Richard Madeley: "So are you telling me elephants are not born evil!?"

15) Alan Partridge: "Let me tell you something about the Titanic. People forget that on the Titanic's maiden voyage there were over 1,000 miles of uneventfu, very peasurable cruising before it hit the iceberg."

16) Alan Partridge: "Without the discovery of Tutankhamun's tomb, archaelogy as it's now known would simply be known as 'digging' or 'digging for things'."

17) Richard Madeley: "There’s not many better things than seeing an older woman skipping."

"Don't pick me! Pick some other animal!"

18) Richard Madeley: "I have to confess, as someone who is lucky enough to own more than one home, I know nothing about squatting."

19) Alan Partridge: "If you could make one species from animals extinct, which would it be, and how would you do it?"

20) Alan Partridge: "French people chomp on onions and go, 'Hoh, hee, hoh, hee, hoh.' That's a fact."

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How did you do?

15 - 20  =  Brilliant work! You're an expert at all things Partridge/Madeley related.
7 - 14  =  Not bad, but there's room for improvement.
0 - 6  =  Poor effort! You need to brush up on your Partridge/Madeley knowledge.
Over 21  =  Wow! That's amazing! Sadly, however, either you cheated, or adding up isn't your strong point, because there were only twenty quotes.

You can find more Alan Partridge quotes in the following blog posts:
15 Alan Partridge quotes
Accidental Partridge