Sunday, 12 May 2013

And The Award For The Most Stupid Question Ever Goes To...

Pub Related Stupidity


Beer, a drink commonly found in most pubs.
In part 2A of the 'How To Save The World' saga*, the characters discuss the top three most stupid questions they've ever been asked.  I won't reveal the questions here, but you can trust me that all three of the questions were very stupid questions indeed (and each was inspired by real life).

* Available for Kindle from Amazon.

However, I can safely say that all three of those questions were well and truly beaten for stupidity by a stupid question I heard the other day when I was out at the pub watching the football.

To set the scene, me and my mates were sat at the back of the dining room in the pub, and a couple were sitting at the table next to us with their young son who must have been no older than six years old.  At one point during the match the parents disappeared, presumably to go and order food, leaving their child sat at their table on his own for a few minutes. 

The parents weren't away for long, but at this point some dude popped his head through the doorway and had a quick scan of the room to see if there were any empty seats.  Spotting the empty seats at the six year old kid's table, this dude then walked over to the kid and asked...

"Are these seats free?"

At this point me and my mates just stared at each other in disbelief.

"Are these seats free?!?"

Seriously?  You're asking a six year old kid in a pub if the seats at his table are free which would therefore mean that he was out on his own in a pub at the age of six?  Think about it for a moment.  It's not very likely, is it?  How many six year old kids go to the pub on their own?  If I was a gambling man then my money would be on, "No, the seats clearly aren't free, you daft muppet!"

An empty chair.
Please note, this isn't one of the actual chairs from
the pub and is used purely for illustrative purposes.
What was he expecting this young kid to say?

"Yes, the seats are free.  I'm clearly a six year old kid who is out for a few pints on my own in a pub."

Of course the seats weren't free, you crazy fool!  How likely is it that a six year old kid would be sat in a pub on his own!?

Being only about six, this kid obviously wasn't familiar with the appropriate social decorum to follow in such a situation so he didn't reply and instead he just sat there in silence not knowing what to say.  My mate therefore had to turn round and explain to the dude, "No, the seats aren't free.  His parents are sitting there but I think they've just nipped to the bar to order some food."

But I mean, did it really need to be pointed out? 

And then that wasn't the end of it.  Once the crazy dude who felt the need to ask a six year old kid if he was out on his own in a pub had left the room, unbelievably another dude then came up a few seconds later and asked the kid the exact same question!

"Are these seats free?"

Like, eh!?  Has the world gone mad?  What sort of fool asks a six year old kid if the seats at his table in a pub are free?  I mean it would have been funny if the kid had replied:

"No, sorry mate.  I'm just out with the lads for a few pints to watch the match.  They've just nipped to the bar to get the round in."

Or:

"Sorry, mate.  I'm meeting my younger brothers soon so I'm keeping the seats for them."

But surely a bit of common sense should have told the dude that that wasn't very likely.

Seriously, it was just totally surreal.

Anyway, getting back to my opening line, asking a six year old kid in a pub if the seats at his table were free (which would mean he had therefore just nipped out to the pub on his own) has to be even more stupid than the top three most stupid questions listed in part 2A of the 'How To Save The World' series.


If you want to discover what the top three most stupid questions were you can buy 'How To Save The World: Part 2A - Be Careful What You Wish For' from Payhip, Amazon or other online ebook stores.  However, I would recommend starting from book one of the 'How To Save The World' series first, which is the traditional way to read a story (with the exception of Star Wars where most people generally start at part four).

Currently free.
As an introductory offer, you can currently download the first book in the series for free from Amazon (UK/US readers only):
Get 'How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy' for kindle

Or if you're based elsewhere in the world, you can download the first book for free from Payhip:
Download the first book for free!


Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.

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1 comment:

  1. So were the seats free like?

    ReplyDelete

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About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.