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| Beer, a drink commonly found in most pubs. |
However, I can safely say that all three of those questions were well and truly beaten for stupidity by a stupid question I heard the other day when I was out at the pub watching the football.
To set the scene, me and my mates were sat at the back of the dining room in the pub, and a couple were sitting at the table next to us with their young son who must have been no older than six years old. At one point during the match the parents disappeared, presumably to go and order food, leaving their child sat at their table on his own for a few minutes.
The parents weren't away for long, but at this point some dude popped his head through the doorway and had a quick scan of the room to see if there were any empty seats. Spotting the empty seats at the six year old kid's table, this dude then walked over to the kid and asked...
"Are these seats free?"
At this point me and my mates just stared at each other in disbelief.
"Are these seats free?!?"
Seriously? ou're asking a six year old kid in a pub if the seats at his table are free which would therefore mean that he was out on his own in a pub at the age of six? Think about it for a moment. It's not very likely, is it? How many six year old kids go to the pub on their own? If I was a gambling man then my money would be on, "No, the seats clearly aren't free, you daft muppet!"
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| An empty chair. Please note, this isn't one of the actual chairs from the pub and is used purely for illustrative purposes. |
"Yes, the seats are free. I'm clearly a six year old kid who is out for a few pints on my own in a pub."
Of course the seats weren't free, you crazy fool! How likely is it that a six year old kid would be sat in a pub on his own!?
Being only about six, this kid obviously wasn't familiar with the appropriate social decorum to follow in such a situation so he didn't reply and instead he just sat there in silence not knowing what to say. My mate therefore had to turn round and explain to the dude, "No, the seats aren't free. His parents are sitting there but I think they've just nipped to the bar to order some food."
But I mean, did it really need to be pointed out?
And then that wasn't the end of it. Once the crazy dude who felt the need to ask a six year old kid if he was out on his own in a pub had left the room, unbelievably another dude then came up a few seconds later and asked the kid the exact same question!
"Are these seats free?"
What!? Has the world gone mad? What sort of fool asks a six year old kid if the seats at his table in a pub are free? I mean it would have been funny if the kid had replied:
"No, sorry mate. I'm just out with the lads for a few pints to watch the match. They've just nipped to the bar to get the round in."
Or:
"Sorry, mate. I'm meeting my younger brothers soon so I'm keeping the seats for them."
But surely a bit of common sense should have told the dude that wasn't very likely.
Seriously, it was just totally surreal.
Anyway, getting back to my opening line, asking a six year old kid in a pub if the seats at his table were free (which would mean he had therefore just nipped out to the pub on his own) has to be even more stupid than the top three most stupid questions discussed by the characters in one of my early books.
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Silly questions and silly subjects seems to crop up quite often in my books, because two of the characters from my latest book, Fly-Tipping, discuss random silly subjects such as laws regarding Ghanian underpants, and the timescale for a vampire takeover of the world. Fly-Tipping is available for kindle from Amazon.
Related posts:
Stupid questions: The 'guess my age' game
Stupid questions (part 3)
So were the seats free like?
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