Funny football quotes (part 13)

I like to mark the end of each football* season with a football themed blog post, so as the Premier League comes to an end this weekend here's another round-up of funny football quotes from managers, players and pundits...

Why was the duck given a red card?
For fowl-play.

* Or 'soccer' for the benefit of any American readers.

1) "I don't know if that result is enough to lift Birmingham off the bottom of the table, although it'll certainly take them above Sunderland."
…Mike Ingham



2) "If it stays as it is, I can’t see it altering."
…Graham Taylor sticks his neck out.



3) "There were two second division matches last night, both in the second division."
...Dominic Allen



4) "Peter Schmeichel will be like a father figure to Kasper Schmeichel."
...Jamie Redknapp

"Christmas falls on Christmas Day?
Wow! That was lucky!"

5) "My wife doesn't like football. One day she called me ten minutes before a game to find out where I was."
...Peter Crouch



6) "We are really quite lucky this year because Christmas falls on Christmas Day."
…Bobby Gould



7) "I wouldn't be surprised if this game went all the way to the finish."
…Ian St. John



8) "Michael Owen, he's got the legs of a salmon."
…Sky Commentator

"On my head, son."

9) "Oh, he had an eternity to play that ball, but he took too long about it."
...Martin Tyler



10) "Giroud scored a brilliant header with the last kick of the game."
...Chris Kamara fails his anatomy lesson.



11) "They deserved to win today, but they didn't deserve to score."
...Garth Crooks

So what scoreline did they deserve, Garth? Minus one nil?



12) "Matty Jarvis had acres of time there."
...Stan Collymore

Perfectly balanced scales...
...according to Peter Jones.

13) "The only way you are going to win games is by winning."
...John Carver demonstrates his managerial genius.



14) "We go into the second half with United one nil up, so the game is perfectly balanced."
...Peter Jones



15) "It can't be Sunday every day. There are also Mondays and Tuesdays."
...George Weah

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You can find more funny football quotes in 'The Funny Side Of Football' available for kindle from Amazon:

You can also find more funny football quotes in my previous similarly themed blog posts:
Funny football quotes (part 10)
Funny football quotes (part 11)
Funny football quotes (part 12)