'Yes, Prime Minister' quotes (part 2)

Once again politics is a subject that's been in the news this week, as the UK got a new Prime Minister.
To bring a touch of light-heartedness to proceedings, and as a temporary distraction from the doom that our traitorous politicians (of all parties) are leading us towards, I therefore decided it would be an appropriate time to feature another round-up of quotes from the classic political sitcom, 'Yes, Prime Minister'.

The Charles Fudgemuffin blog heads to
10 Downing Street for another batch of quotes
from the political sitcom, 'Yes, Prime Minister'.

As a quick recap for anyone who hasn't seen the show, Jim Hacker was the fictional Prime Minister, and Sir Humphrey Appleby was the chief civil servant who always tried to stop the Prime Minister from ever getting anything positive done, instead pursuing his own agenda.*

* Unlike real life, where bureaucrats definitely always respect the democratic will of the people. **shifty eyes **

1) Sir Humphrey: "If local authorities don't send us statistics, government figures will be a nonsense."
Jim Hacker: "Why?"
Sir Humphrey: "They'll be incomplete."
Jim Hacker: "Government figures are a nonsense anyway."
Bernard: "I think Sir Humphrey wants to ensure they're a complete nonsense."



2) Jim Hacker: "The three articles of Civil Service faith: It takes longer to do things quickly, it's more expensive to do them cheaply, and it's more democratic to do them in secret."

The Times.

Editor's note: "Charles, it's not that sort of 'times'."
Charles: "Oops! Sorry!"

3) Jim Hacker: "I know exactly who reads the papers. The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country. The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country. The Times is read by people who actually do run the country. The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country. The Financial Times is read by people who own the country. The Morning Star is read by the people who think the country should be run by another country. And the Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is."



4) Jim Hacker: "Honesty always gives you the advantage of surprise in the House of Commons."



5) Jim Hacker: "Are you going to support my view that the civil service is over manned and feather-bedded, or not? Yes or no? Straight answer!"
Sir Humphrey: "Well minister, if you ask me for a straight answer, then I shall say that, as far as we can see, looking at it by and large, taking one thing with another in terms of the average of departments, then in the final analysis it is probably true to say, that at the end of the day, in general terms, you would probably find that, not to put too fine a point on it, there probably wasn't very much in it one way or the other. As far as one can see, at this stage."



6) Sir Humphrey: "Minister, I have something to say to you which you may not like to hear."
Jim Hacker: "Why should today be any different?"

Judging by his 'straight answers', Sir Humphrey
would probably describe these bananas as straight.

Sir Humphrey: "Minister, the traditional allocation of executive responsibilities has always been so determined as to liberate the ministerial incumbent from the administrative minutiae by devolving the managerial functions to those whose experience and qualifications have better formed them for the performance of such humble offices, thereby releasing their political overlords for the more onerous duties and profound deliberations which are the inevitable concomitant of their exalted position."
Jim Hacker: "I wonder what made you think I didn't want to hear that!"



7) Jim Hacker: "Apparently the White House thinks that the Foreign Office is full of pinkos and traitors."
Bernard: "No, it's not. Well ... not full."

A gentle canter.

8) Agnes Moorhouse: "Animals have rights too, you know. A battery chicken's life isn't worth living. Would you want to spend your life packed in with six hundred other desperate, squawking, smelly creatures, unable to breathe fresh air, unable to move, unable to stretch, unable to think?"
Sir Humphrey: "Certainly not! That's why I never stood for parliament."



9) Jim Hacker: "The National Health Service, Humphrey, is an advanced case of galloping bureaucracy!"
Sir Humphrey: "Oh, certainly not galloping. A gentle canter at the most."



10) Jim Hacker: "You know what loyalty in a cabinet minister means? It means that his fear of losing his own job is slightly greater then his hope of pinching mine."

As a reminder, Jim Hacker was the fictional
Prime Minister, not an actual hacker!

11) Jim Hacker: "I'm not going to approve any honour for any civil servant of this department who hasn't earned it."
Sir Humphrey: "What do you mean, 'earned it'?"
Jim Hacker: "I mean earned it. Done something to deserve it."
Sir Humphrey: "But that's unheard of!"



12) Jim Hacker: "Are you saying that winking at corruption is government policy?"
Sir Humphrey: "No, no, minister! It could never be government policy! That is unthinkable! Only government practice."

You can find more Yes, Prime Minister quotes in my previous blog post:
Yes, Prime Minister quotes (part 1)