Bad advice

Legal disclaimer: The advice contained in this article is clearly labelled as bad advice. That means it would be foolish to follow it. Charles Fudgemuffin accepts no liability in the event that any fools happen to be reading this, and decide to ignore my warning and follow the bad advice anyway. Those who do follow the bad advice do so at their own risk.

"Oo! Is that for me!?"
"No, you said you didn't want anything."

Okay, now that I've got the warning out of the way, let's move on to the bad advice...

1) Bad advice for boyfriends (part 1)

If your girlfriend says, 'Don't get me any presents for my birthday,' don't get her any. It will show her that you're a good listener.

2) Bad advice for writers

Be sure to keep your ink pens clean by throwing them in with the laundry.

3) Bad advice for naive trusting people (part 1)

Always do whatever the government tells you to do. They always have our best interests at heart, and politicians and bureaucrats never give people harmful advice in order to push their own nefarious agenda, or to benefit corporations they own shares in. We're all in this together!

A Chinese quality dam, built to extremely high engineering standards.
** shifty eyes **

4) Bad advice for China

Build a Chinese quality dam upriver of 300 million people.

5) Bad advice for students

Loans for university degrees such as Feminist Studies or Cyber Genderology are a good investment.

6) Bad advice for boyfriends (part 2)

$cience, pictured yesterday.

If your girlfriend tells you loads of stuff, say 'I already knew that' after each thing she tells you. She will be impressed at how much you know.

7) Bad advice for naive trusting people (part 2)

Trust the $cience.

8) Bad advice for spendthrifts

Save money on Christmas gifts by bringing up politics at Thanksgiving dinner.

9) Bad advice for social media users

TYPING IN ALLCAPS IS THE BEST WAY TO EMPHASIZE HOW SERIOUS YOU ARE!

You'd have to be quackers to ascend quickly from a dive!

10) Bad advice for divers

When deep sea scuba diving, it's better to ascend as fast as possible in order to save time.*

* But only if you don't care about your health, or indeed your life.


In all seriousness, number 8 would actually be shrewd advice for anyone wanting to save money, although perhaps not so great advice for anyone wanting to avoid arguments.

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Here's some wise advice. Never work with children or animals ... or psychopathic violent criminals. As well as being good advice, it's also the title of one of my short stories which is available for kindle from Amazon.

You can find more advice (of a light-hearted nature) below:
Top tips (part 5)
How to write good