Random thoughts (part 6)

Once again it's time for a round-up of random thoughts about a variety of random subjects...

1) Sweep cheat

"Nobody can sweep as good as that!
There must be another explanation..."

At the Winter Olympics, a Russian curling competitor failed a drug test.

Maybe I'm being a bit gormless here, but why would you take performance enhancing drugs ... for curling? How can drugs make you better at sweeping? I don't get it.

Perhaps the makers of Meldonium should include the following warning:

Caution: Side effects may include headaches, dizziness, and making you better at sweeping.

2) How to eliminate crime...

Technically, a lawless state would be crime free.

"Avoid contact with skin."

3) Too late...

Reading "avoid contact with skin" must be really scary in Braille.

4) R.I.P.

When someone dies in an accident related to a hobby or passion, people often say, "At least they died doing something they love."

Surely though, it would be better to die doing something you dislike? That way at least you get out of doing something you don't want to do.

"Oh I'm the king of the savanna..."

5) Wrong location

Why are lions referred to as the 'king of the jungle' when lions don’t live anywhere near the jungle?

64b) Very fake news

Newspapers should be forced to print apologies as large as the original story whenever they publish fake news.

A non-pregnant centaur.
Actually, perhaps she's in the very early stages of pregnancy.

7) Double standards?

Why are people who sleep in and get up late considered lazy, but people who go to bed early aren't?  They both like more sleep.

8) Baby conundrum

Does a pregnant centaur carry her child in her human torso or horse torso?

9) That sucks ... or does it?

Cheap vacuums suck because they don't suck, while quality vacuums don't suck because they suck.

10) Green disencouragement

"Buy a plastic bag and your money goes towards
saving the rainforest. Hang on, wait..."

I can understand the environmentally good intentions of the UK law which forces supermarkets to charge 5p for a plastic carrier bag, to encourage customers to reuse their plastic bags.

However, surely the fact that the 5p goes to charity sort of undermines the encouragement. I sometimes forget to reuse carrier bags when I go shopping, but then I just think, "Oh, well. I'll just buy another bag and it's okay because the 5p goes to a good cause."

If the government really want to encourage people to reuse their carrier bags they should make the 5p go to a bad cause. Say for example if the 5p went towards burning down the rainforest then that would make me think, "Oh, no! I don't want to burn down the rainforest, so I'd better remember to reuse my plastic carrier bags!"

Footnote 1: Here at the Charles Fudgemuffin blog we strive for high standards of accuracy. However, on the rare occasions when an error does slip through, we like to hold our hands up and admit our mistakes. With that in mind, please be advised that random thought 6 was incorrectly marked as random thought 64b. Apologies for this error.

Footnote 2: Random thought 10 is obviously tongue in cheek.

Update to footnote 1:

In order to avoid being hypocritical, our apology for mislabeling random thought 6 should of course have been as large as the original comment.