Random thoughts (part 11)

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features another selection of random thoughts on subjects as varied as birthdays, synchronised swimming, and the Mona Lisa.

To start things off, here's some advice on how to end a phone call with someone you don't like...

"I'm sorry, it must be a bad line."

1) Devious discontinuations

The best way to hang up on someone is to hang up halfway through your own sentence. That way they won't realise you deliberately hung up on them, and they'll think it was just a fault with the line.

2) Coordinated casualities

If a synchronized swimmer drowns, do their team-mates have to drown too?

3) Congratulations!

Gambling addiction hotlines would get a lot more business if every fifth caller was a winner.

4) Stating the obvious

"Sorry I'm late. It's because I'm late."

Train networks often give the most ridiculous excuses for trains being late, but the stupidest announcement I've ever heard was on the metro where the following message came over the tannoy:

"We apologise for the metros being late. This is due to late running trains."

So to summarise, the metros are late because ... they're running late!? What sort of explanation is that?

Teacher: "Johnny, why haven't you done your homework?"
Johnny: "Oh, I'm really sorry, but I've got a good excuse. I didn't do my homework because I haven't done it."
Teacher: "Okay, that's a fair enough excuse."

5) Same but different

People born on opposite ends of the Earth can have different birthdays but be born at the exact same moment in time.

Seems legit.

6) Deceitful description

Why is a glove compartment called a glove compartment? Does anyone actually keep gloves in it?

7) Enigmatic likes

If Leonardo da Vinci was alive today, the Mona Lisa would have got about 15 likes on facebook before being forgotten about forever on the internet.

8) Unnecessary security?

Why do I have to prove who I am when I want to pay my bills over the phone? Do strangers ring up to pay my bills? And if so, why don't they let them!?

"Mmm! This durian fruit is really smelly!"

9) Pleasant or whiffy?

Tasty means 'something which tastes nice' so why doesn't smelly mean 'something that smells nice'?

10) Categorising dilemma

Should a true or false book be categorised as fiction or non-fiction?

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Coincidentally, if you want to discover how my own 'true or false' book, 'True Or False: A Light-Hearted Collection Of 100 Facts And Bluffs', is categorised, then you can find it on Amazon.

More random thoughts:
Random thoughts (part 9)
Random thoughts (part 10)