Jokes that work better when spoken aloud (part 2)

You would think that jokes that work better when spoken aloud would be a poor choice of subject for a blog post, given that this blog is published in written form. However, the last time I featured a blog post on jokes that work better when spoken out loud, it got a surprisingly high number of page views.

My cold field. (Mike Oldfield)

Legal disclaimer: This isn't really my field.
It's just a random photo that I found on Pixabay.

I'm a firm believer in paying attention to your audience, so with that in mind, this week's written blog post features the poorly chosen subject of jokes that work better when spoken aloud.

To compensate for my poor choice of medium, you may wish to read the following jokes out loud in order to enhance your joke reading pleasure. However, if you do, make sure you're not on public transport at the time, otherwise people might think you're a bit mad!

1) I thought I heard Tubular Bells on my farm last winter, but it was just my cold field.




2) I asked a Cambodian what language he spoke.

"Khmer," he answered.

"No, you come here," I replied.

A pirate.

Please note, this isn't the 80 year old pirate in question.
This is a different much younger pirate. In fact he's not
even a real pirate! He's just a baby dressed as a pirate.

3) My mate reckoned he could smell Persian flatbread from a mile away.

I told him that was naan scents.




4) What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

"Aye, matey!"




5) I've just spent £300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver!

I can't believe I've paid all that money and I've got nothing to chauffeur it.

Clogs, or 'klomp' as they're known in Holland,
which is a pretty cool name for clogs, seeing as how
that's the noise they make when you walk in them.

6) How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?

Put it in water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats, it's buoyant.




7) I'd like to go to Holland someday.

Wooden shoe?

8) Why did the jalapeno wear a coat?

Because it was a little chilly.

A moustache.

9) When is it impossible to plant flowers?

When you haven’t botany.




10) Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair...

Must dash.

You can find my original round up of jokes that work better when spoken aloud at the link below:
Jokes that work better when spoken aloud (part 1)