Quiz of the year (2020)

When people do a 'quiz of a year', they usually include questions on significant news and events from the year in question. However, because I'm such a self-obsessed person, er, I mean ... because this year has been a disappointing year for some people, I'm instead going to feature a quiz of the year about the Charles Fudgemuffin blog!

All of the following subjects were featured in blog posts found on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog throughout 2020.

Water: Home to this camera shy duck,
but how much does it weigh?

To help make things easier for new readers, each question is multiple choice, so if you don't know the answer you can guess!

1) January: Google

In January the Charles Fudgemuffin blog focused on the weird and wonderful world of Google.

Can you remember how much a pound of water weighs according to Google?

A) A pound
B) 8.36 pounds
C) Five gallons
D) 2.36 miles

A Merry Christmas message for nerds!

At Christmas time it's traditional to wish others a Merry Christmas, and that's a tradition which I like to respect here on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog.

This year to mix things up a little, the Christmas message from Charles Fudgemuffin is specifically aimed at nerds. So without further ado, here's this year's Christmas message...

Controversial Christmas questions

Here on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I've regularly featured Christmas themed blog posts every Christmas, and I've also occasionally featured blog posts on controversial questions. However, this week I combine the two, as I take a look at controversial Christmas questions.

Merry Christmas from Charles Fudgemuffin!

Where do you stand on the following controversial Christmas questions?

1) When should you put your Christmas decorations up?

I'm a big fan of Christmas decoarations. Last Christmas on the way to work I used to walk past a street where every house was done out in spectacular Christmas decorations, and it looked impressive and always put me in a good mood (at least until I got to work!).

However, when is the optimum time to put your decorations up?

Quirks of the English language (part 2)

English is one of the most popular and commonly used languages in the world, but it's also a language with many quirks. Here are a few more of them...

Unfortunately, I didn't have a photo of my foreign neighbour Keith
receiving eight counterfeit beige sleighs from feisty caffeinated
weightlifters, so this photo of one genuine sleigh will have to do.

1) I before E.

Except when your foreign neighbour Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from feisty caffeinated weightlifters.

Weird.



2) Why does 'fridge' have a D in it but 'refrigerator' doesn't?

Surely it's a stupid idea to insert extra letters into an abbreviation!

Modern Japanese words (part 2)

As I've mentioned before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, many modern Japanese words sound very similar to their English equivalents. That's because Japanese 'loan' words (words which are imported from English) are translated using Japanese sounds to produce the nearest sounding equivalent to the original English word.

Mmm, ke-ki!

Here are some more cool modern Japanese words, and once again to someone who's never spoken any Japanese it may sound like I'm making these up, but I promise you these are actually real.

To start off with, here are a few random examples...

1) ke-ki = cake
2) miruku = milk
3) chokore-to = chocolate
4) resutoran = restaurant
5) su-pa-ma-ketto = supermarket
6) uirusu = virus
7) mo-ningu ko-ru = wake up call (morning call)
8) pe-pa- tesuto = written exam (paper test)
9) kurisumasu = Christmas
10) rabu reta- = Love letter

Cakes gone wrong (part 2)

I've featured 'cakes gone wrong' before on the Charles Fudgemuffin, and as next week sees the celebration of National Cake Day, it seems like the perfect opportunity to feature another batch of cakes gone wrong, in a blog post which I've cleverly entitled ... 'Cakes gone wrong (part 2)'.

1) A great year in purple

This first cake features a cake where the baker decided to follow the instructions literally...

Baker: "Would you like me to write a message on the top of the cake?"
Customer: "Yes, write, 'Thanks for a great year' in purple."
Baker: "Okay, right. Got it. Write, 'Thanks for a great year in purple'. No problem!"

"It's been a great year in purple!"

What was going through the cake-maker's head when they wrote the message on the cake? In what context would 'a great year in purple' ever make sense? It's got me baffled.

Did they imagine a conversation like the following...

Funny courtroom quotes (part 3)

From time to time I like to feature stupid questions by lawyers on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, and as it's been quite a few months since my last round up of funny courtroom quotes, I think that means it's the perfect time for another batch of amusing quotes from lawyers and witnesses.

Once again, all of the following quotes are taken from official court records.

"So they go up as well as down? Wow!"

1) Stupid questions (part 1)

Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

If you need to explain how stairs work to a lawyer then you might want to consider getting a new lawyer!

Nice reviews (part 3)

I've received quite a few reviews since my last round-up of nice reviews, so big thanks to everyone who left a review and gave constructive feedback on Amazon.

There are actually too many reviews to include them all, but here are a few of them...

1) How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It, And Other Short Stories

To start things off, here's a rather nice review of my crime themed collection of short stories entitled 'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It, And Other Short Stories'.

Five stars: "Such a fun read!!"

"I really love this author's sense of humor. Every story was original and very well written. Keep up the good work!! So everyone, try this author out. You won't be disappointed. (I hate being disappointed.) ;)"

Thanks for the encouragement, Peggy, and for the recommendation!

Never trust the polls!

Over the last few years there have been a number of famous polls that have been dramatically inaccurate.

However, that's not what this week's blog post is about, so apologies if you arrived here expecting a serious discussion on why polls often get their predictions wrong. As usual, this week's blog post takes a light-hearted look at the subject of the week, as I discuss stupid surveys and peculiar polls.

1) "It's fun to stay..."

Whoever created this first survey forgot to include one obvious answer...

This is one survey you can trust.

I have to admit, the first time I heard of the YMCA was through the Village People as well! I suspect that's the case for most people under a certain age.

10 funny quiz show answers (part 8)

One theme I like to feature on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog from time to time is funny quiz show answers, so here's another selection of silly answers from quiz show contestants who didn't win the point, but did bring a chuckle to my face.

Pots in a pot.

1) "Name a musical instrument you can play in the bath."
"A drum kit."



2) "In the abbreviated names of fruit and vegetables often seen in greengrocers, the word 'pots' is short for which word?"
"Pottery."

How many ... does it take to change a light bulb? (part 3)

As I'm sure everybody is aware, tomorrow is National Light Bulb Day! So to celebrate, here's another collection of light bulb jokes...

"That will need changed."
"But how many people will it take to change it?"

1) How many folk guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the light bulb, and one to complain that it's electric.


2) How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but they have to do it when you're just about to eat your dinner.

Isn't it ironic? (part 2)

As I'm sure everyone is aware, October 12th is National Irony Day! Actually, most people probably aren't aware of that. I was being ironic!

"I'm sure I'll be safe sitting with my head like this...
...as long as nobody closes the lid." #ToySafety

Anyway, in honour of National Irony Day here's another round-up of irony themed thoughts and observations...

1) Does anyone find it ironic that the word 'hyphenated' is non-hyphenated, while the word 'non-hyphenated' is hyphenated?



2) In 1974 the US government produced 80,000 buttons to promote toy safety. They had to recall them as they contained lead paint, the edges were too sharp, and they were a choking hazard!

Controversial questions: Food special!

Here at the Charles Fudgemuffin blog we're not afraid to tackle controversial debates, so this week it's time for another selection of important cutting edge questions. As you'll notice, this week's controversial questions all have a comestible theme to them...

1) Should salt and vinegar crisp* packets be blue or green?

Blue or green?
You decide!

* Or chip, for the benefit of any American readers.

I think this one is perhaps an age related dilemma because when I was young, salt and vinegar crisps always came in a blue packet, but nowadays some crisp manufacturers have decided to break with tradition.

If, like me, you think non-traditional crisp manufacturers are idiots, then you can help them see the error of their ways by voting below.

Lost In Translation: Chinese movie titles (part 2)

A subject I've featured before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog is the fact that when English movies are translated into Chinese, their original titles sometimes become lost in translation.

"Who you gonna call?"
"Super Power Dare Die Team!"

Here's another batch of movies with unusual Chinese titles...

1) Ghostbusters

When Ghostbusters was released in China, it was renamed rather unusually as, 'Super Power Dare Die Team'.

Imagine if Ghostbusters had been called 'Super Power Dare Die Team' in English. The theme tune just wouldn't have quite the same ring to it!

"Who you gonna call?"
"Super Power Dare Die Team!"

Ghostbusters > Super Power Dare Die Team

Karl Pilkington quotes

The Charles Fudgemuffin blog has previously paid tribute to geniuses such as Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking with a collection of their quotes. So continuing on that theme, here's a collection of quotes featuring the wisdom of  ... Karl Pilkington!

"I Spy with my little eye,
something beginning with N."

1) "Imagine being a stick insect, walking about. You'd be forever going, "Is that what's-his-name?"



2) "We've invented most of the stuff that we need and now we're just messing about."



3) Talking to a tribal chief in Vanuatu…

"He told me they speak the language of Ninde. He said everything begins with the letter ‘n’. A palm tree he pointed to was called a nimdimdip. We saw naho, which is a fruit, and he pointed out a leaf that was called nooholee. I said that playing 'I Spy' here would be tough as you’d be guessing all day. He agreed."

Wikipedia vandalism (Part 3: Football special!)

It's become something of a tradition on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog to celebrate each new season of the Premier League with a football related blog post.

This week is no exception as I take a football themed look at another subject which has graced the blog from time to time ... wikipedia vandalism.

1) Tottenham Hotspur (Bottling Company)

Tottenham have come close to the Premier League title in recent years, but they always seem to bottle it right at the end, leading someone to make the following edit to the wikipedia entry for 'List of Bottling companies'...

Tottenham Hotspur: Famous bottlers.

Half a million page views!

Last week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog hit an amazing milestone! I've had half a million page views! Wow! And it only took me eight years!

So what better way to celebrate than with one of my favourite subjects to feature on the blog ... a higher or lower quiz!

Farts.

It seems appropriate to stick with the theme of half a million, so for each of the questions see if you can guess if the answer is higher or lower than half a million.

1) Farts

Let's start things off with a serious subject. Farts! How many people in the world fart every second? Is it more than half a million or less than half a million?

Higher or lower?

10 pieces of silly advice

"I'm feeling silly!"

In the words of Ludwig Wittgenstein, 'If people did not sometimes do silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done.'

Personally, I think that's a really silly quote, which makes no sense at all. However, I'm in a silly mood, so I'm going to follow Ludwig's advice anyway!

So in the spirit of silliness, here are ten pieces of silly advice...

1) Advice for unsociable people...

If someone you don't like rings your doorbell, put your coat on before answering the door. Then you can tell them you were just going out and you won't have to invite them in!

Things that come in twos (part 2)

As I've discussed before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, there are many things that come in twos, such as gloves, socks, tennis players, and for some people, faces.

Another thing that comes in twos is the number of bullets in the title of my latest short story ... Two Bullets!

So to promote my latest short story, this week's blog post takes a look at more things that come in twos...

Optician: "I've got the results of your eye test, and they're not good."
Patient: "Can I see them?"
Optician: "Probably not."

1) Eyes

Eyes come in twos, and so, on this occasion, do jokes about eyes...

i) I love jokes about the eyes.
The cornea the better!

ii) What should you do if your eyes are dry?
Moisturise.

Random thoughts (part 9)

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features another selection of random thoughts covering such random subjects as electricity, middle names, and Photoshop.

But first, here's a worrying thought about washing up liquid...

Random thoughts.

1) Pro-Bacterial?

Persil washing up liquid is available in regular Persil and 'Persil Anti-Bacterial'.

What does that say about regular Persil? Does regular Persil allow bacteria to flourish?

2) The unnamed eel

What was the electric eel called before electricity was discovered?

True or false: Weird national days (part 3)

It's time for another true or false quiz on national days!

There are national days to celebrate anything and everything, so this week's blog post features another true or false quiz on the subject of national days.

Sledging down a mountain backwards. Don't try this at home!

Editor's note: "Charles, unless the readers own a mountain,
I'm pretty sure they won't be able to try this 'at home'."
Charles: "Fair point."

Take a look at the following national days and see if you can work out which are real, and which are crazy ridiculous falsities made up by myself.

1) January 31st - National Backwards Day

To celebrate National Backwards Day, simply do everything backwards! Or sdrawkcab!

National Backwards Day - True or false?

When tweets go wrong (part 2)

Social media can be a useful tool for sharing news and spreading information. It can also be a useful platform for media outlets to spread propaganda. However, as many celebrities, 'news' organisations and even regular people have discovered, on some occasions tweets can backfire on you.

All of which is just a long-winded way of saying that this week's blog post takes another look at when tweets go wrong.

1) Artistic masterpiece

Andrew Marr came in for ridicule when he tweeted an image of one of his drawings with the accompanying message, "I've been doing lockdown drawings and once this nightmare is over, I'd like to sell them to raise cash for NHS and care home charities."

"It's a masterpiece!"

Unsurprisingly, the response wasn't very positive...

Five stupid sayings (part 4)

In general I'm a big fan of the English language, but it does have it's quirks. For example, from time to time on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I like to highlight silly English expressions, and here are a few more...

1) "He knows which side his bread is buttered."

Intelligence Test: Can you work out which side this bread is buttered?

This is a strange compliment which is used to mean, 'He is clever enough to understand what is best for his own self-interests.'  But I have to say, you don't exactly need to be a genius to tell which side your bread is buttered!

It's not that hard to work out.  You just look at the bread, you see which side the butter is on, then hey presto ... that's the side your bread is buttered.  To be blunt, if you couldn't work out which side your bread was buttered, you'd have to be a bit of an idiot!

10 cool Japanese words and expressions (part 2)

As I've pointed out several times before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, I'm a big fan of the Swedish language, but another language I think is pretty cool is Japanese.

As the 2020 Summer Olympics were originally scheduled to take place in Japan next week, that's therefore as good an excuse as any to feature anopther round-up of some of my favourite Japanese words and expressions.

"Bah! I'm too early! He's a not yet dead person."

1) Not yet...

One Japenese word which I find amusing is the word for 'widow'. The kanji symbols for widow literally translate as 'not yet dead person'.

I suppose that technically it's true, but I still can't help thinking it's an unusual way to describe a widow!

Emoji Quiz

Sadly, there are no emojis for fudge or muffin, so instead
here's what my emoji name would look like if I was called
Charles Chocolatecake rather than Charles Fudgemuffin!

Believe it or not, July 17th is World Emoji Day, so to celebrate this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features an emoji quiz featuring four categories; movies, songs, super heroes, and books to round things off!

Take a look at the following emojis and see if you can figure out the correct answer represented by each set of emojis. If you need any help you can find the answers at the bottom of the page.

Category 1: Movies

Here's a clue: one of the following movies is a sequel! Most of the movies should be fairly obvious, but you may find one of these emoji clues a bit tricky.

1) 🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒

2) 🔪👩🚿

Commas are important (part 2)

The importance of commas is a subject I've covered before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, but it seems that some people still aren't getting the message, so here are a few more examples which demonstrate why commas are important....

1) Divorce cake

Did they get this cake because they were breaking up with their partner, or moving to a new job?

"It's over, Chris. I'm leaving you."

I think it was supposed to, 'Sorry you are leaving, Chris."

Funny name changes by deed poll

Every year thousands of people in the UK change their name by deed poll. In most cases this is due to marital reasons, but in some cases it's simply people being a bit silly!

Personally, I think it's ridiculous when people change their name to something stupid! Why can't people just stick to their normal sensible names ... like myself, Charles Fudgemuffin!? **shifty eyes **

A cheeseburger.
Not to be confused with Mr Cheeseburger.

Anyway, here are just a few of the unusual names that people have changed their names to by deed poll...

1) Bacon Double Cheeseburger

Simon Smith was such a big fan of fast food that he changed his name by deed poll to Bacon Double Cheeseburger!

On the positive side, this has brought him numerous offers of free food from several fast food chains. However, on the down side, he is now considering changing it back again, as apparently his girlfriend is reluctant to marry a Cheeseburger!

10 music jokes for National Music Day (part 3)

Tomorrow* is National Music Day (June 21st), so sticking with the subject of music, here's another collection of musically themed jokes...

* Only if you're reading this blog post on the day it was published, i.e. June 20th. If you're reading this blog post on any of the other 364 days of the year, then tomorrow won't be National Music Day. Apologies for any confusion.

Two wind turbines.

1) How does a musician say the alphabet?

A, B, , E, F, G...

2) I sat next to an insurance salesman at a Robbie Williams concert last night.
And through it all, he offered me protection.


3) Two wind turbines were in a field.
The first wind turbine asked the second wind turbine, "What type of music do you like?"
The second wind turbine replied, "I'm a big heavy metal fan".

10 Chinese code words to avoid censorship (part 1)

Big Panda is watching you!

Censorship exists to a degree in the West, and it's been getting worse in recent years, but the censorship we face is nothing compared to the censorship that takes place in China.

To get around the censorship, Chinese internet users have cleverly come up with a series of code words and coded terms to substitute for censored words and phrases.

Here are some of those code words.

1) June 4th = May 35th

As you can imagine, the Chinese government are very draconian in censoring all discussion of the Tiananmen Square Massacre. Incredibly, that censorship even extends to the date that the massacre took place!

The Tiananmen Square Massacre occurred on June 4th 1989, so any mention of that date is censored by the Chinese government. To get around this, Chinese internet users cleverly refer to June 4th as May 35th.

What do you love more, football or...?

Euro 2020 was originally due to start in a few days' time, but because of the corona virus it's now been postponed until next year. So for the benefit of anyone who is suffering from football withdrawal symptoms, this week's blog post has a footballing theme!

Here are some interesting results from a survey about the World Cup and specifically what men would be willing to do if England made the World Cup final...

1) Football crazy

Wife: "What are you thinking?"
Husband: "I'm just wondering what the England score is,
er, I mean ... I'm thinking how wonderful it's going
to be to spend the rest of our life together!"

39% of men would pull a sickie if England made the final and they had chance to get a ticket.

2) Football before friends

16% of men would miss a friend's wedding if it clashed with the World Cup final and England were in the final.

We had a discussion about this at work and several people were shocked that some men would miss their friend's wedding to attend the World Cup final, but I have to say I was shocked because I expected the percentage to be a lot higher than this!

True or false quiz: Cool foreign words

For the benefit of any non-English speakers reading this blog post, perhaps a more accurate title for this quiz would be 'Cool non-English words' because of course, for example, if you're German then some of the words in this quiz, such as (spoiler alert) 'verschlimmbessern', aren't foreign words!

Anyway, this week it's time for another true or false quiz, and this time the subject of the quiz is 'cool words from other languages'. Take a look at some of the following 'foreign words' and see if you can work out whether they're real translations, or if they're just silly fabricated words that I made up!

Separated at birth.
A walnut and a brain.

1) Walnut = Brain nut

A cool translation that I really like is the Serbian word for walnut which translates literally as 'brain nut'. I've often thought that walnuts look like little miniature brains, and so apparently did the person who invented the Serbian language!

True or false?

We Come In Peace, and Other Short Stories

My latest book, 'We Come In Peace, and Other Short Stories' was published a few days ago, and as you might guess from the title, it features a collection of light-hearted science fiction themed short stories.

'We Come In Peace, and Other Short Stories'
The latest book from Charles Fudgemuffin.

To promote the book, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features a quiz. Don't worry though, you don't need to have read the book to know the answers, as each question is based on the themes from each short story.

1) We Come In Peace

The opening and titular short story of the book features an alien who visits the leader of a planet, so to start things off, here's a question on the subject of aliens.

Three of the following types of alien themed insurance are just silly fictitious policies that I made up, but one of them is real! Which of the following types of insurance can you actually buy?

A) Alien Abduction Insurance
B) U.F.O. Collision Insurance
C) Alien Invasion Insurance
D) Interstellar Travel Insurance

Silly job titles (part 4)

Editor: "Charles, it's not silly jobs. It's silly job titles."
Charles: "Oops!"

There's an old joke which goes...

'I used to be a rubbish collector, but now I'm pretty good at it.'

Or for the benefit of any American readers, 'I used to be a garbage collector, but now I'm pretty good at it.'

However, thanks to the modern trend of inventing stupid pretentious names for jobs, nowadays the joke would go...

'I used to be a sanitation engineer, but now I'm pretty good at it.'

Not quite as funny if you ask me. Well, not unless you're into bizarre jokes which don't make sense.

Anyway, this week on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I'm once again highlighting pretentious modern job titles in the form of a quiz. Have a look at the following jobs, and see if you can work out what jobs they actually refer to.

Funny menus

If you're on a diet then look away now, because this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features a selection of weird and strange menus from around the world.

Actually, on second thoughts, anyone on a diet can safely continue reading, because some of the following menus may actually put you off your food...

1) Toxic water

Presumably this was supposed to say 'tonic water'. Either that or they're trying to kill off all their customers.

Toxic water.

Star Wars memes

Next week sees the celebration of Star Wars Day, or May The Fourth Be With You Day, as some people call it, so in honour of the corporate Disney money-making machine, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features a round-up of Star Wars memes...

1) Food art

These noodles are a little chewie...

The Idiot Awards (part 3)

It's time for another batch of Idiot Awards! This week's winners include arts councils, survey creators, and to start things off a foolish journalist who has a strange concept of equality.

1) "Pioneers of gender equality"

Throughout history there have been many notable woman who have fought for women's rights such as Emmeline Pankhurst (founder of the Suffragette movement), and Alice Paul (who campaigned for the 19th Amendment). However, according to one journalist at The Economist, we should add the Aztecs to that list of notable women's rights activists.

What did the Aztecs do to further women's rights, I hear you ask? Well, they practised human sacrifice, and as 'pioneers of gender equality', they sacrificed not only men ... but woman as well!

Seriously, I'm not joking! Archaeologists discovered that the Aztecs sacrified both men and women and this journalists immediate reaction was, 'Wow! What pioneers of gender equality! They killed women as well! Great work for equal rights!'

Pioneers of gender equality.

It's no wonder the media are seen as a joke these days, and the journalist responsible for this idiotic report thoroughly deserves inclusion in this week's Idiot Awards.

Trivial emergency 999 calls (part 4)

I've highlighted before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog that some people seem to regard the 999 emergency number as a general enquiries number, and in some cases people are calling up for the most trivial of reasons.

"That's another dog for the naughty list..."

So once again it's time for another round-up of trivial emergency 999 calls* made by people who seem to have a strange idea of what constitutes an emergency...

* Or trivial 911 calls for the benefit of American readers.

1) Guilty dog (part 1)

"My dog has just destroyed my favourite stuffed toy."

What exactly did they want the police to do about it? Arrest the dog?

Corona virus memes

During testing times it's more important than ever to keep a smile on your face. As someone once said, "The world is full of horrible things. Laughter is a universal way to lift your head up and say, 'Not today.'"

So with that in mind, here are a selection of corona virus themed memes, jokes and observations which brought a smile to my face at a time when the world certainly needs smiles...

1) Take no chances!

One brave person is generously offering to save people from the risk of infection via cash...

"Warning! Your cash may be infected!"

We all have to do our bit, so if anyone else is worried about the risk of infection from handling their cash, feel free to send it my way!

Name fits job

This week on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I take a look at a few examples where people's names seemed particularly suited to their jobs.

Believe it or not, there is actually a word to describe a name that seems appropriate for its owner, and that word is 'aptronym'. So without further ado, read on to discover a collection of aptronyms!

1) Mr Skidmore the speedway rider

Skidmore by name, skid more by nature.

Hugh Skidmore was a speedway rider who drove for Sheffield Tigers!

Can you imagine the conversation when he first met the manager of Sheffield Tigers?

Sheffield Tigers manager: "Hugh Skidmore?"
Hugh: "No, I'm a very good rider. I hardly skid at all!"

In actual fact, as fans of motorcycle speedway will know, speedway bikes have only one gear and no brakes, so riders do have to slide (or skid) around the corners!

Silly pie charts

If you were to believe the dictionary, a pie chart is 'a circular statistical graphic divided into slices to illustrate percentages'. However, as everyone knows a pie chart is actually an opportunity for silliness and daft jokes!

So with that in mind, here are a few silly pie charts...

1) Pac-Man

Our first pie chart takes a look at retro video games...

"Are pie charts that look like Pac-Man cool?"

Pac-Man, yeah.

10 nerd jokes (Part 86 - (8 x 10))

A nerd, pictured yesterday.

Nerd jokes appeal to my nerdish sense of humour, so as it's been over a year since my last collection of nerd jokes, here's another batch of nerdish puns...

1) I failed my maths exam because I couldn’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 as Roman numerals.
IM LIVID



2) How do you turn a 3D printer into a 4D printer?
Just give it time.

True or false: Unusual potato crisp / chip flavours

March 14th is National Potato Chip Day*¹ so to celebrate, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a look at unusual crisp*² flavours from around the world. However, as I often like to do, I've made things a bit more interesting by turning it into a true or false quiz.

*1 That's 'crisps' for the benefit of any British readers.

*2 Or 'chip' for the benefit of any American readers.

Chocolate miners digging for chocolate to be used
as flavour for chocolate flavour crisps.

Take a look at the following flavours and see if you can guess whether they're real flavours that you can actually buy, or whether they're fictitious inventions that I've totally made up!

1) Chocolate flavour crisps

I tried chocolate flavour crisps once when I was on holiday in Thailand, and although I like chocolate, and I also like crisps, I have to report that this is one example where two rights make a wrong, because they tasted absolutely disgusting.

But is it a real flavour, or have I just made it up?

True or false?

Funny courtroom quotes (part 2)

One of my previous blog posts which received a lot of page views was my round-up of funny courtroom quotes. I'm a firm believer in listening to the demands of the market, so with that in mind, here's another batch of amusing quotes from lawyers who weren't exactly the sharpest tools in the box.

N.B. The following quotes are all taken from official court records.

"If he had a beard, then of course he was a man!"

1) Bearded lady?

Lawyer: "Can you describe the individual?"
Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"
Witness: "Unless the circus was in town, I’m going with male."

Surely the fact that the witness described him as 'he' should have been a big clue. Oh, and also the fact that he had a beard of course!

True or false: 10 weird facts about nature

My cousin is a big fan of wildlife and nature, so he'll often relate unusual facts about nature which even a non-nature dude like myself find interesting. So as it's World Wildlife Day in a few day's time, I thought this would be an appropriate time to round up a collection of interesting facts on the theme of nature.

Editor's note: "Charles, that's a duck, not a swift!"
Charles: "Yes, I know, but it was the closest I could find,
so it'll have to do."

However, as I often like to do, I've decided to turn things into a true or false quiz by also including a few made-up bluffs! Take a look at the following 'facts' and see if you can guess which of the following facts are totally true, and which are complete bluffs!

1) Fly me to the Moon

During the course of their lifetime, a swift will typically fly around 4.5 million kilometres, which is roughly equivalent to flying to the Moon and back six times!

To clarify things for the benefit of stupid people, swifts don't actually fly to the Moon - that would be ridiculous - but they cover the same distance as flying to the Moon and back six times.

True or false?

Cool people to follow on twitter (part 1)

From time to time on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, I occasionally plug my twitter account which is @CFudgemuffin. However, this week I'm not plugging my own twitter account (which, in case you've forgotten, is @CFudgemuffin), but instead I'm plugging another really cool twitter account which is definitely worth a follow.

The twitter account in question belongs to James Fridman (@fjamie013), and basically how it works is that people send him requests to photoshop their photos for them. However, James never quite interprets their request the way it was specifically intended, with amusing results.

Here are a few examples...

1) "Take out the broom."

To start things off, here's a photo with a typically silly misunderstanding!

Sans broom.

10 romance themed jokes for Valentine's Day

Next week sees the release of my latest short story, 'A Love Story: A Coward's Tale'. As the name suggests, it's a story on the theme of romance, so sticking with the theme of love, this week's blog post features a collection of romance themed jokes...

Wow! What a surprise!

1) How do circus tightrope performers find romance?
Online dating.



2) I told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows on too high.
She looked surprised.



3) After several months, I finally told my hot co-worker how I felt, and it turns out she felt the same way!
So we turned the air-conditioning on.

Confusing perspective (animal edition)

I've featured photos featuring a confusing perspective before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, and this week I once again feature another batch of photos which, on closer inspection, may not be quite what they seem...

1) Attack of the giant pigeons

To start things off, here are two giant pigeons looking for their cars...

"Hmm, now where did we park the car again?"

A light-hearted look at advertising

Usually companies have to pay for advertising, but this week I've going to give a few companies free advertising! Their adverts were so noteworthy that they deserve to be seen or mentioned for free!

The most effective way to advertise.

1) Dubious claims

In their latest TV advert, Vistaprint promote their business cards by claiming, 'there's no better way to advertise your business'.

Well if that's the case, then why are Vistaprint advertising on TV, rather than on their own business cards? Hmm...

Things that unintentionally made me laugh (part 1: 'Cute' dog names)

A cute dog, but what cute name can we give him?

This week's blog post focuses on a random website I came across one day which unintentionally made me laugh. To further explain, the website wasn't supposed to be funny, but my easily amused brain nevertheless found it very amusing.

The website in question was a website called 'Cute Dog Names', and as you might have already guessed, it's a website which generates a random selection of cute dog names for anyone looking for a cute name for their new puppy. It sounds like a cool idea, but I have to say, the website's idea of a cute dog name, and my idea of a cute dog name, are somewhat different.

To illustrate what I mean, take a look at some of the allegedly 'cute' dog names it suggested...