Fake headlines quiz

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog puts your detective skills to the test with a multiple choice quiz on the theme of fake headlines. Each multiple choice category features four headlines based on a similar theme, but only three of the headlines are real headlines taken from actual news websites.

Take a look at the following categories and see if you can spot which are the fake headlines:

Crime:

To start things off, this first batch of headlines are all based on the unfortunately common news theme of crime.

"Money well spent!"

A) "A man tried to rob a bank after paying $500 to a wizard to make him invisible."

On first hearing this story, my reaction was, "There's no way that can possibly be true." However, before making your decision, I should add that the gullible dude lived in Iran where ridiculous superstitions are apparently more commonly believed than in the West.*

* With the exception of ****** ******* and ******* ******* obviously.

B) "Pub quiz cheats to face prison sentences of up to 6 years if Labour win the next general election, Keith Starmer announces."

With all the increasing real crimes in modern day Britain, it does seem a little bizarre to go after pub quiz cheats.


C) "'Everyone makes mistakes' says teen who karate-kicked 74 year old man into River Mersey."

I wonder if he'd be quite so relaxed if the judge 'mistakenly' gave him a fifty year prison sentence.


D) "A prisoner who briefly died argues that he's served his life sentence."

This sounds like a silly joke headline that someone might make up, but incredibly, the prisoner's case actually went to the Court Of Appeals in Iowa!

Which headline is fake?

Quirks of the English language (part 4)

English can be a strange and confusing language, with lots of weird and wonderful quirks. This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog highlights a few more of those quirks.

A baseball player strikes the ball to avoid a strike.

1) Cucumber as a cool

The sentence, "Are you as cool as I am?", can be said backwards and still makes sense.

2) Contradictory language (part 1)

strike

Verb
1. To hit.
2. To miss in an attempt to hit (esp. baseball).

15 Alan Partridge quotes (part 2)

A new Alan Partridge series was announced this week; 'And Did Those Feet... with Alan Partridge', a spoof documentary which follows Alan as he reintegrates into life in Britain after a year working in Saudi Arabia.

There's no release date as yet, however, so for any Alan Partridge fans, here's another selection of Alan Partridge quotes to keep you going until 'And Did Those Feet' hits our screens.

Alan Partridge discusses hawks.

1) "Today's sad story is from Deidre Thomas from Dibbs Lane in Holt. 'Dear Alan, I want to be as honest as I can with you, so I hope you'll understand that I'd rather remain anonymous...'"



2) "My greatest achievement is my consistent resistance to dumbing down. I think if anything, I’ve tried to dumb up."



3) To a hawk at a bird sanctuary...

"I'm sorry Mr Hawk, your pardon has been turned down. You have been found guilty of premeditated homicide of a mouse, and you will be hanged by the neck until dead. And don’t try to hover up so that the rope goes slack. They could do that, couldn't they?"

Library humour

Libraries have a reputation for being somewhere where you can read books. Deservedly so, some would argue.

However, libraries can also be a source of humour, as the following memes demonstrate...

1) Mystery humour

To start things off, here's a book category which does exactly what it says on the tin.

Credit: imgur

Mystery by name...

...mystery by nature!

Funny sports quotes (part 2)

I often feature funny football quotes on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, but this week I spread the net further afield as I round up a collection of funny quotes from a variety of miscellaneous sports.

To start things off, here are a couple of tennis quotes which made me chuckle...

Remember John Lloyd's advice!

Tennis:

1) "It is vital in a match like this that Chris remembers to breathe."
...John Lloyd.

I would say that was vital in any match!


2) "Every player can serve over 125 miles."
...Roger Federer.

Wow! 125 miles? That's a very far serve!

They did the math(s), badly

When someone has analysed the statistics to arrive at an accurate and impressive conclusion, we sum that up by saying, 'They did the math(s)."

* In the UK, we say 'they did the maths'. In the US, it's 'they did the math', so delete as appropriate based on your location.

An empty Emirates Stadium, after Mikel Arteta implements
a mathematically impossible selection criteria.

However, not everyone that does the math(s), does so correctly. Here are some examples where they did the math(s) ... badly.

1) No players

Here's a quote from Mikel Arteta which suggests he plans to field a team of no players, after failing to understand the basic rules of percentages.

Mikel Arteta: "My philosophy will be clear. I will have everyone 120% committed, that's the first thing. If not, you don't play for me."

Footballers are known for their intelligence **shifty eyes**, so presumably the Arsenal players ruled themselves out of contention...

"Sorry, boss. The most I can possibly be committed is 100%, so I'm afraid I can't play."

Breaking news...

We interrupt this blog to bring you the latest news headlines. Please note, all but one of the following news stories are actually fictitious fabrications created purely for the purposes of daft amusement.

The police working tirelessly.

1) The police are looking for a man who has been stealing the wheels off police cars.

A police statement read, "We are working tirelessly to catch him."



2) A fire broke out at a local yodeling school.

Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.