Funny football quotes (part 16)

Another season of the Premier League comes to a conclusion this weekend, so that can only mean one thing. It's time for another round-up of silly football themed quotes!

"Hurray! We're two nil down!"

1) "Not only has he shown Junior Lewis the red card, but he's also sent him off!"
...Chris Kamara



2) "The good news for Paraguay is that they've gone two-nil down so early on."
...Kevin Keegan



3) "We had a good team on paper. Unfortunately the game is played on grass."
...Brian Clough

Cool foreign words (part 2)

I've featured a 'cool foreign words' true or false quiz before on the Charles Fudfemuffin blog, but there are so many cool foreign words that I decided to create a follow up quiz!

Once again, take a look at the following eight words from eight different languages, and see if you can work out whether the alleged foreign words are real, or whether I've just made them up...

Iceland...

I don't have a photo of a hedgehog rat (because they
don't exist), so here's a photo of a hedgehog dog instead.

Editor's note: "Charles, hedgehog dogs don't exist either."
Charles: "Well clearly they must, otherwise how would I get the photo?"

1) Hedgehog = Spiky rat

In Iceland they apparently don't have a very high opinion of hedgehogs, because the Icelandic word for hedgehog is 'skitugrotta' which literally translates as spiky rat! I can obviously see where the spiky comes from, but in my opinion hedgehogs are far too nice to be compared with rats.

True or false?

Random Star Wars thoughts (part 2)

It's almost Star Wars Day*, so this week the Charles Fudgemuffin features a collection of random Star Wars related thoughts.

Tatooine.
Strangely similar to Tunisia on Earth.

* May 4th, chosen because of a pun on words, i.e. May the Fourth be with you.

1) Surely Luke Skywalker would have been pretty annoyed at Obi-Wan Kenobi when he found out that Leia grew up as royalty on Alderaan while he grew up as a moisture farmer on Tatooine?




2) Baby Yoda's first word probably came after his second word.

Top Tips (part 6)

If there's one thing the world needs more of, it's silly advice of a non-serious nature. Coincidentally, that's exactly what this week's blog post features, as this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog collects another round-up of lighthearted top tips.

Editor's note: "Charles, that's the wrong type of 'tip'."
Charles: "Oops, sorry!"

To get the ball rolling, here's a tip for mischievous drivers...

1) Fool car passengers into thinking you've kidnapped a helpful person by placing your satnav in the boot.




2) Lazy people. Call your dog 'Ten Miles', then you can honestly tell people you walked 'Ten Miles' today.

Paradoxes (part 3)

When I was younger, I was fascinated by Ascending and Descending by M.S. Escher which shows a paradoxical image of a perpetually rising staircase. Admittedly, you probably don't care about my childhood fascinations, after all, I'm just a random stranger on the internet! However, it does give me a way to lead into this week's blog post, as this week I feature another round up of light-hearted paradoxes.

Why did Pinocchio's nose never grow 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot!

1) The Pinocchio Paradox

If Pinnochio said his nose was about to grow, would it?

2) The Dog's Dinner Paradox

If you make a complete dog's dinner of your new pet food recipe, has it been a success or not!?

Cats and dogs (part 5)

National Pet Day falls on 11th April, so this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog pays tribute to our furry friends with another blog post on cats and dogs.

Cats and dogs make a welcome return to the Charles Fudgemuffin blog.

1) When you go to work each morning, your dog probably thinks you're going for a walk on your own for eight hours.



2) On a related note, the reason why dogs love destroying shoes is probably because they see humans putting them on before they leave the house.

Teddy bear jokes and facts

My latest book 'Planet Of The Teddy Bears' was released this week, so to promote it, this week's blog post features a selection of teddy bear memes, teddy bear jokes, and random teddy bear facts.

Planet Of The Teddy Bears
by Charles Fudgemuffin

1) The world's largest teddy bear

Have you ever wondered how big the world's largest teddy bear is? Then wonder no more!

The world's largest teddy bear is a massive 55 foot tall, and is located at the Exploration Place in Wichita, Kansas.

To help you put that into perspective, a bowling lane is approximately 60 foot long, so it's almost as tall as a bowling lane is long!

So if you were planning on buying it, then I hope you've got a very big house! Also, I hope you're prepared to be disappointed, because the Exploration Place probably won't sell it.

Discaimer: Apologies to anyone who hasn't ever wondered
how big the world's largest teddy bear is. I'll try
to more accurately predict your teddy bear themed
wonderings when coming up with future facts.