Corona virus memes

During testing times it's more important than ever to keep a smile on your face. As someone once said, "The world is full of horrible things. Laughter is a universal way to lift your head up and say, 'Not today.'"

So with that in mind, here are a selection of corona virus themed memes, jokes and observations which brought a smile to my face at a time when the world certainly needs smiles...

1) Take no chances!

One brave person is generously offering to save people from the risk of infection via cash...

"Warning! Your cash may be infected!"

We all have to do our bit, so if anyone else is worried about the risk of infection from handling their cash, feel free to send it my way!

Name fits job

This week on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I take a look at a few examples where people's names seemed particularly suited to their jobs.

Believe it or not, there is actually a word to describe a name that seems appropriate for its owner, and that word is 'aptronym'. So without further ado, read on to discover a collection of aptronyms!

1) Mr Skidmore the speedway rider

Skidmore by name, skid more by nature.

Hugh Skidmore was a speedway rider who drove for Sheffield Tigers!

Can you imagine the conversation when he first met the manager of Sheffield Tigers?

Sheffield Tigers manager: "Hugh Skidmore?"
Hugh: "No, I'm a very good rider. I hardly skid at all!"

In actual fact, as fans of motorcycle speedway will know, speedway bikes have only one gear and no brakes, so riders do have to slide (or skid) around the corners!

Silly pie charts

If you were to believe the dictionary, a pie chart is 'a circular statistical graphic divided into slices to illustrate percentages'. However, as everyone knows a pie chart is actually an opportunity for silliness and daft jokes!

So with that in mind, here are a few silly pie charts...

1) Pac-Man

Our first pie chart takes a look at retro video games...

"Are pie charts that look like Pac-Man cool?"

Pac-Man, yeah.

10 nerd jokes (Part 86 - (8 x 10))

A nerd, pictured yesterday.

Nerd jokes appeal to my nerdish sense of humour, so as it's been over a year since my last collection of nerd jokes, here's another batch of nerdish puns...

1) I failed my maths exam because I couldn’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 as Roman numerals.
IM LIVID



2) How do you turn a 3D printer into a 4D printer?
Just give it time.

True or false: Unusual potato crisp / chip flavours

March 14th is National Potato Chip Day*¹ so to celebrate, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a look at unusual crisp*² flavours from around the world. However, as I often like to do, I've made things a bit more interesting by turning it into a true or false quiz.

*1 That's 'crisps' for the benefit of any British readers.

*2 Or 'chip' for the benefit of any American readers.

Chocolate miners digging for chocolate to be used
as flavour for chocolate flavour crisps.

Take a look at the following flavours and see if you can guess whether they're real flavours that you can actually buy, or whether they're fictitious inventions that I've totally made up!

1) Chocolate flavour crisps

I tried chocolate flavour crisps once when I was on holiday in Thailand, and although I like chocolate, and I also like crisps, I have to report that this is one example where two rights make a wrong, because they tasted absolutely disgusting.

But is it a real flavour, or have I just made it up?

True or false?

Funny courtroom quotes (part 2)

One of my previous blog posts which received a lot of page views was my round-up of funny courtroom quotes. I'm a firm believer in listening to the demands of the market, so with that in mind, here's another batch of amusing quotes from lawyers who weren't exactly the sharpest tools in the box.

N.B. The following quotes are all taken from official court records.

"If he had a beard, then of course he was a man!"

1) Bearded lady?

Lawyer: "Can you describe the individual?"
Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"
Witness: "Unless the circus was in town, I’m going with male."

Surely the fact that the witness described him as 'he' should have been a big clue. Oh, and also the fact that he had a beard of course!

True or false: 10 weird facts about nature

My cousin is a big fan of wildlife and nature, so he'll often relate unusual facts about nature which even a non-nature dude like myself find interesting. So as it's World Wildlife Day in a few day's time, I thought this would be an appropriate time to round up a collection of interesting facts on the theme of nature.

Editor's note: "Charles, that's a duck, not a swift!"
Charles: "Yes, I know, but it was the closest I could find,
so it'll have to do."

However, as I often like to do, I've decided to turn things into a true or false quiz by also including a few made-up bluffs! Take a look at the following 'facts' and see if you can guess which of the following facts are totally true, and which are complete bluffs!

1) Fly me to the Moon

During the course of their lifetime, a swift will typically fly around 4.5 million kilometres, which is roughly equivalent to flying to the Moon and back six times!

To clarify things for the benefit of stupid people, swifts don't actually fly to the Moon - that would be ridiculous - but they cover the same distance as flying to the Moon and back six times.

True or false?