Funny name changes by deed poll

Every year thousands of people in the UK change their name by deed poll. In most cases this is due to marital reasons, but in some cases it's simply people being a bit silly!

Personally, I think it's ridiculous when people change their name to something stupid! Why can't people just stick to their normal sensible names ... like myself, Charles Fudgemuffin!? **shifty eyes **

A cheeseburger.
Not to be confused with Mr Cheeseburger.

Anyway, here are just a few of the unusual names that people have changed their names to by deed poll...

1) Bacon Double Cheeseburger

Simon Smith was such a big fan of fast food that he changed his name by deed poll to Bacon Double Cheeseburger!

On the positive side, this has brought him numerous offers of free food from several fast food chains. However, on the down side, he is now considering changing it back again, as apparently his girlfriend is reluctant to marry a Cheeseburger!

10 music jokes for National Music Day (part 3)

Tomorrow* is National Music Day (June 21st), so sticking with the subject of music, here's another collection of musically themed jokes...

* Only if you're reading this blog post on the day it was published, i.e. June 20th. If you're reading this blog post on any of the other 364 days of the year, then tomorrow won't be National Music Day. Apologies for any confusion.

Two wind turbines.

1) How does a musician say the alphabet?

A, B, , E, F, G...

2) I sat next to an insurance salesman at a Robbie Williams concert last night.
And through it all, he offered me protection.


3) Two wind turbines were in a field.
The first wind turbine asked the second wind turbine, "What type of music do you like?"
The second wind turbine replied, "I'm a big heavy metal fan".

10 Chinese code words to avoid censorship (part 1)

Big Panda is watching you!

Censorship exists to a degree in the West, and it's been getting worse in recent years, but the censorship we face is nothing compared to the censorship that takes place in China.

To get around the censorship, Chinese internet users have cleverly come up with a series of code words and coded terms to substitute for censored words and phrases.

Here are some of those code words.

1) June 4th = May 35th

As you can imagine, the Chinese government are very draconian in censoring all discussion of the Tiananmen Square Massacre. Incredibly, that censorship even extends to the date that the massacre took place!

The Tiananmen Square Massacre occurred on June 4th 1989, so any mention of that date is censored by the Chinese government. To get around this, Chinese internet users cleverly refer to June 4th as May 35th.

What do you love more, football or...?

Euro 2020 was originally due to start in a few days' time, but because of the corona virus it's now been postponed until next year. So for the benefit of anyone who is suffering from football withdrawal symptoms, this week's blog post has a footballing theme!

Here are some interesting results from a survey about the World Cup and specifically what men would be willing to do if England made the World Cup final...

1) Football crazy

Wife: "What are you thinking?"
Husband: "I'm just wondering what the England score is,
er, I mean ... I'm thinking how wonderful it's going
to be to spend the rest of our life together!"

39% of men would pull a sickie if England made the final and they had chance to get a ticket.

2) Football before friends

16% of men would miss a friend's wedding if it clashed with the World Cup final and England were in the final.

We had a discussion about this at work and several people were shocked that some men would miss their friend's wedding to attend the World Cup final, but I have to say I was shocked because I expected the percentage to be a lot higher than this!

True or false quiz: Cool foreign words

For the benefit of any non-English speakers reading this blog post, perhaps a more accurate title for this quiz would be 'Cool non-English words' because of course, for example, if you're German then some of the words in this quiz, such as (spoiler alert) 'verschlimmbessern', aren't foreign words!

Anyway, this week it's time for another true or false quiz, and this time the subject of the quiz is 'cool words from other languages'. Take a look at some of the following 'foreign words' and see if you can work out whether they're real translations, or if they're just silly fabricated words that I made up!

Separated at birth.
A walnut and a brain.

1) Walnut = Brain nut

A cool translation that I really like is the Serbian word for walnut which translates literally as 'brain nut'. I've often thought that walnuts look like little miniature brains, and so apparently did the person who invented the Serbian language!

True or false?

We Come In Peace, and Other Short Stories

My latest book, 'We Come In Peace, and Other Short Stories' was published a few days ago, and as you might guess from the title, it features a collection of light-hearted science fiction themed short stories.

'We Come In Peace, and Other Short Stories'
The latest book from Charles Fudgemuffin.

To promote the book, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features a quiz. Don't worry though, you don't need to have read the book to know the answers, as each question is based on the themes from each short story.

1) We Come In Peace

The opening and titular short story of the book features an alien who visits the leader of a planet, so to start things off, here's a question on the subject of aliens.

Three of the following types of alien themed insurance are just silly fictitious policies that I made up, but one of them is real! Which of the following types of insurance can you actually buy?

A) Alien Abduction Insurance
B) U.F.O. Collision Insurance
C) Alien Invasion Insurance
D) Interstellar Travel Insurance

Silly job titles (part 4)

Editor: "Charles, it's not silly jobs. It's silly job titles."
Charles: "Oops!"

There's an old joke which goes...

'I used to be a rubbish collector, but now I'm pretty good at it.'

Or for the benefit of any American readers, 'I used to be a garbage collector, but now I'm pretty good at it.'

However, thanks to the modern trend of inventing stupid pretentious names for jobs, nowadays the joke would go...

'I used to be a sanitation engineer, but now I'm pretty good at it.'

Not quite as funny if you ask me. Well, not unless you're into bizarre jokes which don't make sense.

Anyway, this week on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I'm once again highlighting pretentious modern job titles in the form of a quiz. Have a look at the following jobs, and see if you can work out what jobs they actually refer to.