Things that unintentionally made me laugh (part 3: stupid criminals)

From time to time I like to look at things that weren't supposed to be funny, but which my weird sense of humour nevertheless found amusing. This week it's the turn of criminals and potential criminals, with this week's blog post focusing on three unintentionally amusing lawbreakers and potential lawbreakers. As a sevice to any similar minded potential criminals reading this blog post, I've also included some advice for each example.

To start things off, here's a story which had me chuckling away to myself at the absurdity of the criminal in question...

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog
takes a look at foolish criminals.

1) Breach of contract

This is so ridiculous that you'll think I'm making it up, so look it up if you don't believe me. The story involves a woman who hired a hitman to kill her boyfriend for her. However, things didn't go to plan when instead the hitman kept the money and didn't kill her boyfriend.

Now I don't know what most people would do in a situation like this, because most people wouldn't hire a hitman in the first place. However, I know what most people wouldn't do, and that's report the hitman to the police. Yet that's exactly what this crazy woman did! She contacted the police to report the hitman for breach of contract!

Presumably the conversation must have went something like this...

Crime Doesn't Pay: A collection of crime themed short stories

'Crime Doesn't Pay'
Sound advice.

It's been almost a year since I published my last book 'Santa and the Naughty Elf'*, but my next book is finally ready for publication.

* Strictly speaking, 'Santa And The Naughty Elf' is by Charles Fudgemuffin’s younger brother, Charles Fudgemuffin, Jr, but his writing style is curiously similar to Charles senior. Hmm…

The book in question is 'Crime Doesn't Pay' and it's a collection of crime themed light-hearted short stories. This is the list of short stories which are included:

1) Is A KitKat A Chocolate Bar Or A Biscuit?

2) Walk Again

3) The Cashier Who Didn’t Work Saturdays

4) True Freedom

5) The Puppet Master

6) The Absence Of Fear

7) Wagon Wheels, Star Wars Memorabilia And The Nice Ham

Choosing a book cover for 'Crime Doesn't Pay'

In a few weeks time* I'll be releasing 'Crime Doesn't Pay' (a collection of crime themed short stories), so this week I'd like to ask for help in choosing a book cover.

* Update: I ultimately decided to publish the collection of short stories under the alterantive title of 'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It'.

To keep with the crime theme, when designing the book cover I've firstly written the title 'Crime Doesn't Pay' in the style of a ransom note. Based on this theme I've then narrowed it down to a choice of three designs, and to help me decide I've created a poll.

If anyone could spare the time to check out the three designs below and then vote for their preference I would greatly appreciate it.

The first design uses a few blood splatters...