A quick guide to 2020 for time travellers from the past

A new decade has arrived, so for the benefit of any time travellers who have came to visit the future (our present) from the past (your present), here's a quick guide to life in the year 2020...

1) The 'internet'

Harry the Hedgehog can now use the 'internet' to let all
his old school friends know what he had for dinner!

One of the biggest inventions of the future is that all the computers in the world are now linked up together via something called the 'internet'.

To explain the concept, this 'internet' can be used to access information on any subject imaginable, such as science, medicine, history, and other amazing discoveries about the world we live in! In effect, the internet is like having access to a massive million volume encyclopedia of information right at your fingertips!

People don't use the internet for this, though. Most people just use it to look at funny cat videos and to show your old school mates what you had for dinner.

Funny things kids say (part 8)

One of my favourite themes to feature on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog is my occasional series of blog posts entitled 'Funny things kids say' featuring amusing quotes and nuggets of wisdom from kids.

As I've mentioned before, one of my favourite pieces of advice is 'Do more or what makes you happy', so in keeping with my own advice, what better way to end the year than with another collection of funny things kids say taken as usual from the internet and real life...

Editor: "Charles, it's not that type of kid."
Charles: "Oh, that's a relief. Otherwise it would have
just been 10 quotes going, "Bleat! Bleat! Bleat!

1) The voice of experience

To start things off, here are some wise words which I suspect come from the voice of experience...

"When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair."

2) Loophole

Here's a conversation from reddit featuring a kid who is an expert at finding loopholes...

Christmas 'higher or lower' quiz (part 2)

One of my previous blog posts which is quite popular (even during the summer, bizarrely) is my Christmas 'higher or lower' quiz. So to cater to market forces, here's another Christmas themed quiz featuring another batch of 'higher or lower' conundrums...

"Should my hat be higher or lower?"

1) Battle of the sexes

To start things off, here's a straight forward question. Who spends more on Christmas shopping; men or women?

A) Men
B) Women

Men or women?

10 Christmas jokes (part 4)

Christmas is only a few days away, so to celebrate here's another batch of Christmas and Santa themed jokes...

Santa, Blitzen and Rudolf.

1) I put Rudolf and Blitzen on eBay the other day, but no-one bid for them.
They were two deer.


2) Grandma: "What are you giving Mom and Dad for Christmas?"
Young kid: "A list of everything I want!"


3) How did Mary and Joseph figure out baby Jesus was exactly 7lb 9oz?
They had a weigh in a manger

'Yes, Prime Minister' quotes

Next week the UK goes to the polls to vote in another general election. Politics seems to be an increasingly emotional subject nowadays, so to help any particularly heated voters chill out and relax, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features a collection of humorous quotes from one of the favourite TV programmes from my youth, the classic political sitcom, 'Yes, Minister,' and its imaginitively titled sequel, 'Yes, Prime Minister'.

Downing Street. The home of both the real Prime Minister,
and Jim Hacker, the fictitious Prime Minister from
the political sitcom, 'Yes, Prime Minister'.

For those who aren't familiar with Yes, Prime Minister, the main characters were the Prime Minister, Jim Hacker, and the head civil servant Sir Humphrey Appleby who tried to prevent the Prime Minister from actually doing anything! Sir Humphrey basically believed that democracy couldn't be trusted to the general public or the politicians the public voted for!

To clarify, Yes, Prime Minister was a fictional sitcom, but a lot of the storylines and quotes were very close to the truth...

1) Jim Hacker: "So, we're going to tell them the truth?"
Sir Humphrey Appleby: "The truth, and nothing but the truth."
Jim Hacker: "The whole truth?"
Sir Humphrey Appleby: "Of course not!"

I'm not going to mention Peanuts, Gold And Happiness...

My latest short story
'Peanuts, Gold And Happiness'
which I'm not going to mention
at all this week.

My latest short story, 'Peanuts, Gold And Happiness' was recently released, and usually on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, whenever I release a new short story or new book, I traditionally feature a blog post promoting the short story or book.

However, I've decided that it's kind of egotistical to use my blog just to advertise my short stories, so instead I've decided for once that this week I'm not going to promote my latest short story. In fact I'm not going to mention it at all.

Instead this week I've decided to feature a selection of totally random clips, memes and puzzles...

1) Giraffe or dolphin

Readers may remember the 'laurel or yanny' audio clip which went viral a couple of years ago. It was a rather weird audio trick whereby two people could listen to the same audio clip, and one person would hear the word 'laurel' while the other would hear the word 'yanny'.

Giraffe or dolphin?
You(r ears) decide!

Here's a similar audio trick with the words giraffe and dolphin. The voice narrator is actually saying 'giraffe', but a few seconds of introductory ambient noises have been added to the audio to trick the human mind into hearing the word 'dolphin' when the narrator's audio begins.

It only works on people with sharp mental reflexes, so if you hear the word 'dolphin' you're quite possibly a genius! Whereas if you hear the word 'giraffe', your brain is too slow to be deceived by clever audio engineering!

Anyway, have a listen to the clip and see what you hear...

Cakes gone wrong

It's National Cake Day in a few days' time, so to celebrate this week's blog post is on the theme of cakes. And when you're buying a cake for someone, perhaps for their birthday or some other special occasion, what could be better than getting a personalised message written on the top of the cake!

Well, as the following examples demonstrate, if you do decide to buy a personalised cake, make sure you give the bakery very precise instructions for the message, otherwise you could end up with a cake gone wrong like some of the following examples...

1) Blind girl blond girl

This first cake was ordered by a Scottish lady who asked for a birthday cake with 'a wee blond girl on top'. Unfortunately, autocorrect changed 'blond' to 'blind'...

This was the original tweet:

"My mum ordered a cake for my sister's birthday and asked for a blond girl on top but it autocorrected to blind girl and we got this."