Scientists as comedians: Stephen Hawking

Time, the universe and parked cars...

A few weeks ago I featured a collection of quotes from Albert Einstein which showed that as well as being a scientific genius, Einstein perhaps also fancied himself as a bit of a comedian.

Einstein isn't the only scientist with a sense of humour, and another scientist known to make the occasional amusing remark is Stephen Hawking. Some of his quotes might not read that funny, but when you listen to Stephen actually saying them, his robotic straight laced voice only adds to the humour...

1) The end of the world

When giving a lecture in Japan, Stephen was asked not to mention the end of the universe in case it affected the Japanese stock market. This was his response:

"I don't know if or when the universe will end, but for those of you who are nervous about your investments, I think it's a bit early to sell."

How to advertise your book or blog for free with Project Wonderful

A step by step guide to free advertising on Project Wonderful.

My 'True Or False' rectangle advert on Project Wonderful.

Update: Project Wonderful no longer exists. Obviously that means you can no longer advertise on Project Wonderful, because it doesn't exist any more! Please therefore ignore the following article. I mean, you can read it if you want, but it no longer applies, because Project Wonderful no longer exists. Did I mention that Project Wonderful no longer exists? Yes, I think I did.

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One problem that all indie authors face, and many traditionally published authors as well, is how to get your book discovered by new readers. One of the easiest ways to publicise your book is with advertising, but the problem is that most indie authors generally don't have a large advertising budget. However, with Project Wonderful a lack of advertising budget isn't a problem, as their advertising rates start at free!

You might think that free advertising would mean your adverts get only a tiny number of views on rarely visited blogs, but at the time of writing I've been using Project Wonderful for less than a week, and my ads have aleady had over 50,000 views! Obviously you have to be realistic about your expectations - a website with millions of daily views isn't going to be available for free - but so far I've found that even if you allocate only a few minutes each day to posting your ads, the results can be impressive.

Here's a step by step guide on how to advertise your book or blog for free using Project Wonderful...

Funny football quotes (part 6)

Today's official attendance: 1
(Figures compiled by Paul Merson).

To round the football season off on a humorous note, here's a selection of funny football quotes from players, managers, and pundits, featuring the themes of nicknames, 'famous' sayings, and big furry heads...

1) “There's only one person gets you sacked, and that's the fans.”
...Paul Merson


2) "I have to be careful what I say about the ref. He was absolutely appalling!" 
...Neil Lennon taking great care not to say anything bad about the ref.


3) "Don't ask me what a typical Brazilian is because I don't know what a typical Brazilian is. But Romario was a typical Brazilian."
...Sir Bobby Robson

Small Pots Also Have Ears

A free short story from Charles Fudgemuffin

The 'peacocking' marketing strategy.
Thumbnails are very small on Amazon and
other ebook sites, so I've therefore gone for
a garishly colourful cover to attract attention.

I’ve mentioned before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog that a cool Swedish saying I like is the expression ‘Small Pots Also Have Ears’. In case you’re wondering, it basically means that children listen in to adult conversations and take in more than you realise.

Most parents can probably relate to the saying, and in fact I like it so much that I used it as the theme for a short story I’ve recently published called … ‘Small Pots Also Have Ears’! In keeping with the Swedish saying, it deals with the theme of kids listening in to their parents’ conversations and then perhaps not being quite as discrete about things as their parents would have liked!

It’s only a very short read consisting of three short chapters, and a typical reader will probably read it in no more than ten to fifteen minutes. You can currently download it for free from iBooks, Kobo, B&N, Payhip, Smashwords or by direct download. You can also read it online at Wattpad.

It’s a stand alone story, so you can dive straight in and you don’t have to have read any previous books prior to reading ‘Small Pots Also Have Ears’. However, anyone who has read some of my early books may recognise the characters of Jake, Jake’s mam, Jake’s dad and Auntie Charine who appeared very briefly (blink and you’d miss them) in one of my early scifi books.

Book reviews (part 10)

It's time for another batch of book reviews, and this week I take a look at the varied themes of genocide, teenage school life, revenge and philosophy...

Sudan by Ninie Hammon

Sudan by Ninie Hammon - 4.8 / 5.0

Sudan by Ninie Hammon deals with the government organised genocide in Sudan, so as you'd expect given the subject matter it's pretty heavy reading at times and doesn't pull any punches. It's a fictional story, but all of the horrific events described in the book are based on actual atrocities that have taken place in Sudan.

Author Ninie Hammon doesn't sugar coat things, so the powerful writing will pull on your heart-strings at times, but Sudan is a brilliant book and an important book that deserves and needs to be read by a bigger audience. If it was produced in a way which captured the emotion of the book, then Sudan would also make a very powerful movie or TV series.

The Star Wars pants game quiz

"I find your lack of pants disturbing."

Yoda joins in with the Star Wars pants game.

In honour of Star Wars Day (May the 4th), I thought it would be topical to feature a Star Wars themed blog post this week.

One amusingly daft Star Wars game which I find entertaining is the Star Wars Pants Game, whereby you substitute one word from a Star Wars quote with the word 'pants'.

Featured below is a 'Pants Game' quiz to test Star Wars fans' knowledge of memorable Star Wars quotes, so take a look at the following quotes and see if you can guess the correct word or phrase to restore the quote to its original non-pantsified form.

1) "Pants matter(s) not. Judge me by my pants, do you?" ...Yoda

a) Size
b) Traditional grammar structure
c) Fozzie Bear impressions

When science fiction becomes science fact!

A prank that came true...

Kinetic Capture Insoles.
A genuine real photo with no photoshopping whatsoever.
** shifty eyes **

As well as the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, I also run a spoof technology blog called Tomorrow's Technology Today, and one story which appeared on the blog back in 2012 was a feature on Kinetic Capture™ Insoles; running shoe insoles that store the kinetic energy as you run and then use this power to charge up your iPhone.

Of course the insoles were entirely fictitious, but some people were fooled by the article, with one person commenting, "I love this technology!! Great article and test. What is the lifespan of these insoles?"  As already mentioned, sadly, I can't comment on their lifespan, as the insoles aren't real and are  totally fictitious...

...or are they?